Omg please help!

Switch up your current routine. Sounds like he's added his own element to it. When X happens, that's my cue to scream.

Does feel slightly bizarre to me that you are bringing milk up to him. As many have said already - take him downstairs with you. Yes with teeth unbrushed, in pjs etc etc. Why can he not do the stairs on his own? It sounds like you are treating him like a baby at the crawling stage, not a young child.

Yes. My 3yo wakes up really hungry. We have breakfast in pyjamas pretty much instantly then get dressed and ready. It's also useful in that if she spills her breakfast she doesn't need to change twice.

Going by the OP's latest post I'm inclined to agree with you.

I just wanted to say that I had a child who could go from 0 to 60 screaming while waiting for milk... and we now realise that it was one of the earliest signs of our child's (then) undiagnosed ASD/ADHD.

Other's have said you do seem to be 'babying' him (struggling with stairs, still in a cot etc.). Perhaps you are, but possibly with good reason (even if you aren't aware of this), as he isn't reaching those milestones? It might be worth keeping open-minded about this.

@Zippidyza Thank you for that link, I've seen the media coverage but not tracked down the original report.

This was about the report kindredsquared.org.uk/school-readiness-survey/. To be far I do have a lot of empathy as I knew very little about raising kids so it’s been a huge trial and error for me…but my kids also went to a sure start nursery and they really ,really helped ,as they also provided education on things like normal milestones for us parents. It’s such a shame they were phased out.

If he’s screaming when one of you leave and shouting milk it sounds like he wants to get it. Can he go downstairs with you to get it, maybe help pour it himself?

With kids it works until it works. I remember going on holidays and by the last few days we'd cracked it. We were a team, we were organised we knew all the pitfalls and traps and we were winning. And we did this massive obnoxious self congratulatory chat on the way home from a coffee shop about how we were amazing and had nailed holidays and will hit the ground running next year, until we realised next year he'd probably be walking to the coffee shop, and not napping and our entire plan would be wasted. It works until it's stops working the key is adapting.

You haven’t given us a time, I don’t think?

Are we talking 5.30am and that’s why you both want to go back to bed? If it’s 7am ish, wouldn’t you normally be getting up for work anyway? You give the impression this is a everyday thing rather than a weekend one.

You (and you as parents) will need to understand that things change as your child gets older, some of the stuff you did (like staying in bed) has to change as they grow up.

OP you're going to have to learn to become very much more flexible with routines - what you've got there isn't a baby and it isn't a toddler, it's a pre-schooler. And once he starts school mornings are going to have to become a lot less free and easy (unless you are home schooling of course), so now is a good time to learn how to shake up a routine that isn't working and change and adapt to how your life is now.

There's no reason your child can't go up and down the stairs a few times. That's part of normal child development. Our stairs are spiral and steep and my child was going up and down crawling from very early on, then walking as soon as possible too (probably 2ish for walking). Obviously well supervised at this age. They were 2nd centile.

Why don’t you get the milk, put the kettle on then take milk back upstairs, get him from the cot, into your room and go back to make tea?

My toddler is nearly 3 and we have a baby. When the baby wakes myself or my dh go and get his bottle and a cup of milk for our toddler. This routine only started when the baby was born, before we would just get up and go down for breakfast.

My toddler now doesn’t want milk first thing, she doesn’t mind a cup of milk with breakfast.
I think either you take the toddler down with you and let him carry his own drink or you get up earlier and get the drinks and then open his door and get him up.

It really sounds like a temper tantrum but things aren’t working so try switch it up with either no milk, everyone goes downstairs or you guys get up earlier so the milk is there for wake up.

Tell your DS that he is a big boy now and he can go and help Daddy make the drinks.
Let him help, including carrying a thermos with with warm milk secure back up the stairs.

Hi OP
I think you may have hit on an important factor here. He thinks his screaming results in the milk arriving ...just by the mechanics of the thing . Obviously this will reinforce a one off behaviour into a pattern he thinks is working.
I honestly haven't read all the arguments about the stairs/drinks but you have to break the cycle by introducing change into your routine. Just change that sequence

Ds was in a small double from age 3.He never fell out as it was wide enough for him to move around.Get rid of the cot and take him downstairs.

Nah - if it works it's great. But it doesn't work but OP seems reluctant to switch it up.

I'd suggest it's time for a new morning routine.

Hang out in bed together till you're ready for breakfast then go down together, he can have milk with breakfast.

I agree it’s strange he is still in a cot at 3? He must be cramped in it surely, or do you mean a toddler bed??? I also have tea and DS also 3 has a milk in bed in the mornings! I think it’s ok to carry on having your tea in bed; but you get up earlier yourself / DH and get the drinks before he wakes up so it’s there waiting. If he carries on I would be trying: waking him up earlier, no milk in bed if he screams. Really anything to change the routine. Can he communicate? My DS would be able to tell me why he is upset and understand (somewhat!) good and bad behaviour. What is the actual reason he is crying? Seems quite odd

What he wants might be one parent not to disappear. Toddlers are weird and have very little logic (I remember mine crying because I broke his biscuit in two to make it more manageable - one half in each hand. He's 25 now and perfectly able to cope with a broken biscuit 😂)

If his legs are too little for the stairs, he goes down on his bum and up on all fours with a parent behind - at least that's what mine did.

Pretty much anything is better than the screaming! Start with the easiest possible solution and work through them. He will then move onto something else to try you.

Good luck!

3 year olds don’t talk about what they’re going to do. They do it.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 that sounds like a really sweet way to start the day but I think he's reached the stage where he's bored and is demanding what he wants in the way he has learnt gets results (even if he was getting the milk anyway, it appears the screaming for it has worked). I think what has always been a cosy family routine has to change and you need to let that phase go.
He definitely needs to be told that the screaming isn't ok but going to help get the drinks really is the easiest way to address this. I assume you also have a few toys and books in your room for him to play with? When he gets his new bed I also assume you'll have toys in his room and maybe a stair gate on the door to keep him safe so play might distract him from wanting milk there and then. Please do get him completely used to going up and downstairs though. This is so important for his independence and safety.

The stairs thing needs sorting. Physical development is really important early on..the ones ahead of the game are the ones that seem to end up enjoying sport and are more physically confident and adventurous. You don't want your child to be timid as they miss out on fun things and dont have the confidence to step out of their comfort zone which might give them a sense of achievement. I don't mean how early they walk etc as I think that's up to them. But I encouraged my boys to climb and jump off things as early as possible. If you are there with them you can stop them doing anything mental. It also teaches them how to judge risk.

So I would pretend that stair climbing is army training (or Olympic training or whatever) and get him going up and down in bare feet, clambering if necessary. And go to playgrounds and those horrendous soft play climbing things if you don't already OP. I expect you do. Soon he will be a stair pro!

@Zippidyza - I understand that but the suggestions so far to bring the child downstairs or let him manoeuvre his way down the stairs himself (to help with independence) didn't seem to be hitting the OP in the right way so I just made a different suggestion as she has asked if people go downstairs without having used the toilet/washed first? So my suggestion was to do all of that for the adults before the son wakes up and then attend to him.

That's all.