Omg please help!

At first I thought your morning routine was a bit like ours. Husband changes nappy while I for and get toddler milk and a cup of tea which we drink in bed. A nice relaxed start to the day, then we go down in pj’s and have breakfast before coming back to brush teeth and get dressed.

Turns out yours is totally different and I’m baffled by doing teeth and getting dressed first thing, before having breakfast.

But each to their own, whatever works for you. But given the screaming I’d agree it probably is worth trying something else.

does he actually tell you what he’s screaming about?

"Any time from 6am is fine for starting the day imo."

No, it's not.

People need to stop being so batshit about this kid sleep in a cot. It’s shown to be beneficial to sleep in a cot til 3yrs old, so as there’s no safety issues. As for the potty - most children aren’t night trained by 3 anyway.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/health/important-reason-toddlers-should-sleep-13645778.amp

OP, I would withhold milk (but not water) until he stops screaming. Try a clear ‘WHEN you stop shouting, THEN you can have your milk’, then ignore him, repeating when/then as necessary.

Going downstairs might distract him, but he may well just carry on screaming down there too.

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

In a word, YES! I don't know anyone who gets dressed and brushes their teeth before breakfast!

Surely the parent who is up should take him downstairs & immediately get him involved in the task of getting his milk & breakfast ready.

Go get your cup out of the cupboard. Now get a spoon for your porridge etc

Give him a job & keep him busy

Yes! For years that's what we did. I mean I would have to nip to the loo before going downstairs for pelvic floor reasons, and DC would come with me into the bathroom, but if it was DH's turn he'd just grab a dressing gown and head straight down. Whoever was downstairs would make tea, get the toddlers breakfast, keep them entertained whilst the other got ready. We also dressed the kids in the living room until they were about 5 and brought toothbrushes downstairs until about the same age.

Question about that report- do 56% of parents really believe kids should be able to use a book before going to school or are they trying to jazz the numbers up for the report? Do these people walk among us?

I just thought this while reading that.
Ignored every single comment saying “this isn’t normal, try this, this or this…” and just latched on to one person agreeing with her.

Her 3 year old should be starting school this September or next September at the latest. If they don’t stop babying the 3yo, they’ll be the same parents shocked and upset at Parents Evening when the teacher is saying their child is in intervention groups and won’t be hitting their ELG because they’re underdeveloped.

This thread is either a wind up or some people just should not have children.

How are you disciplining him when he does this?

I'm wondering if he's waking up very hungry. Maybe he's hit a growth spurt and needs a bit more food the evening before. I could be totally off the mark but it might be worth a try.

One parent goes straight down to get the drinks ( if you feel it’s essential to have them in bed together )

other parent gets child up and does bathroom visit straight away

Then all meet up in the bedroom?

My kids were in cots until they were nearly 4 - DS especially. All slept like logs, happy as Larry in there. I don't understand the upset with other posters here, why does it matter where other people's children sleep?

They're all very independent, very self-motivated young people now so doesn't seem to have affected them one bit!

OMG op you have literally latched on the one person who thinks the routine is working because bit worried for her kids. Everyone else is telling you toddlers need something else
You'll have to excuse us all with having no sympathy whatsoever for your ongoing screaming battles because of your refusal to change

Yes

Agreed. He’s 3 for heavens sake.

I expect I’ll be told I’m being cruel, but imo he’s old enough to learn that you don’t get what you want immediately by screaming. Since you’re sure there’s no real reason for the screaming I wonder whether you’re actually showing him you don’t like it, or whether he’s getting extra attention, sympathy, cuddles etc. for it. I would try not giving him the milk until he stopped screaming. You’d have a bad few days and then he’d learn that screaming for what he wants doesn’t work.

But if you don’t want to do that, and don't want to take him downstairs straight away, and do want to carry on giving him milk first thing, just bring some up the night before in a thermos. But it would be pandering to him.

Yes it does seem very bizarre.
However, I have to say, I have met some humans in real life who just find life so difficult to navigate- just ordinary things. Quite often people like this have autism either diagnosed or not diagnosed but bleeding obvious to anyone who has a clue about autism.
Also, IME people with autism marry / partner with someone else with autism so neither parent thinks it’s odd or knows how to navigate any better.
Seen it multiple times.
Often, people get stuck on a rigid routine. Because it’s safety. They have been struggling with a baby and found something that works, so that routine must be adhered too whatever else is happening. For instance nap time- it must be the same even if it’s your sisters wedding, you other child’s birthday or one parent has gone into hospital etc. Just extremely rigid because it represents safety.
I wondered if it’s the same thing here.
I presume OP has carried her child up and downstairs every time until now for the past 3 years. That in itself speaks volumes.

OP I think this is time to change the routine up a bit. Yours sounds lovely (until the screaming...) but to me sounds like the routine for a younger child. He doesn't 'need' milk in bed. I'd get up, have a wee and wash hands, then go downstairs.

But honestly, if either of my dc had done something like this, for no apparent reason, they wouldn't have got the milk. That might sound harsh, but he's 3, he knows the routine. (Obviously excluding any other issues)

Or maybe the OP needs to adapt her routines to support the development of her child.

Stair gate.
Bed.
Books to freely access in the LO’s room.
Support to walk up and down stairs.
Time for LO to pour his milk in the kitchen, a space to sit and drink it.

Evaluate what the child needs and adapt.

He is 3.

I think taking him downstairs to get drinks and then going back upstairs to drink them sounds like an incredible faff with multiple points of failure (too easy for child to get distracted e.g. sees toys and wants to play, once downstairs wants breakfast immediately etc). As a PP said, you seem to have a very relaxed morning - maybe this is because it's really early so you've plenty of time, or you're not having to commute to work/childcare. But if it's the latter then once school starts it will be a whole other ball game. So best to streamline the morning routine and make it as simple as possible from my experience. For us, it's no play/books etc before breakfast - as he gets distracted then breakfast gets delayed and everything becomes a massive rush - we need to be out the house on time for us all to get to where we need to be. (And toothbrushing is our challenge here so we need to allow a lot of time for that 😬)

You have had your neighbours disturbed for WEEKS because you couldn't be bothered having to ferry him back upstairs?!?! Bring him down with you.

I didn’t think there was anything insane about your routine, the insane thing was that you were so bemused about the idea of going downstairs in your pyjamas!

OMG indeed. This child will be at school in a year or two. Teaching him to navigate the stairs independently is a safety thing, and most parents do this at around the age of 1. If you live in a series of narrow ledges stuck to a cliff, fair enough. But toddlers mostly don’t walk down stairs: they come down on their bums until they’re big enough to do the stairs normally. Does this child not encounter stairs anywhere? If he has a disability such as achondroplasia then the relevant charity should be able to provide you with advice on how to teach him the independence he needs.