Omg please help!

I agree. I think it's rewarding bad behaviour by rushing to get him milk.

Put him in the cot, say no milk till you're quiet. Get he milk then wait till he's quiet then praise and bring the milk.

I guess it was fun in primary school. Then, massive pressure to perform. I was skipped up a year which was social death (not that I was socially adept anyway), moved to a high pressure private school, and regularly told how I was wasting my potential because I was "lazy and disorganised". And even now there's an implication that I've failed everyone and let my family down by becoming a spectacularly average adult with a faltering career.

That for a week, she's left her child to scream instead of just picking him up and taking him downstairs after the first time it happened?

Seems like such an obvious thing to try.

Couldn’t agree more. This thread is like a Mumsnet parody.

She can try and she says she will. So what’s the issue?

Generally I agree, but in this case it sounds like he has lots of energy when he wakes up and wants some activity by going downstairs, which is fair enough.

Why do you need to get dressed? We stay in pjs and dressing gown until we decide to go out. Cleaning teeth gets done after breakfast. Lo, sure, when we wake, but is it really that hard to get your toddler toileted, assuming no SEN?

I mean, either you ignore it, because that’s the best thing to do with a tantrum, or accept that, although he’s overreacting, he’s awake with lots of energy and just wants a bit of action by going downstairs, which is normal - kids have to be curious and want to do things and help to develop - having a cuddle in bed is dull in comparison. He can have a pee on the way.

You do need to sort something out with the stairs though - even if it’s teaching him to go up and down on all 4s till his legs grow, because it isn’t good for his mobility and independence if he can’t get himself up and down the stairs by himself at nearly 3.

I never said there was any - but why wouldn't you at least try?

Op children don't wake up one day as 10 year old who can make a sandwich etc

They need to learn
3 is prime " I do it" time
Even if they struggle, take 10 times longer it's really important to let them
You are crushing your child's independence by keeping them in a cot.
They LOVE learning new things, pouring their own milkon the floor it's what they need.
I would contact my HV for advice and get a goodbook about child development.

I think he is starving. Can he not speak enough to tell you? Maybe not. At 3 my son would say 'getting up and getting porrdige'. He was so hungry as soon as he woke up. We would all just go straight downstairs (toilet first if needed) and get our drinks / his porridge. He can wait a bit longer now and play etc. Then we would either take turns to get ready or all go back up.

Good grief, the judgement in parts of this thread. And even some of the constructive advice is delivered in a snarky tone. What do people get out of this?

What’s your evidence that he won’t scream for the milk downstairs too?

I'm going to reply as if I haven't read a lot of the replies because the thread sounds like it's even a bit derailed!

He sounds quite old to be in a cot and to be having milk first thing (hopefully not in a bottle?!).
It sounds like possibly you're still in your baby/toddler routine and need to move into more of a "small kid" routine instead.

Get up and take him downstairs and give him breakfast and milk in a cup as a drink with his breakfast. It might be that he's "hangry" when he gets up.
It's normal for a 3 year old to have tantrums but screaming for milk every morning is unacceptable behaviour and you need to do something about it.

Yes when mine were that age we did get up and give them breakfast before having a shower, you could take turns who does breakfast and who gets the first shower.

Also not being able to get up/down stairs independently at 3 is silly, of course he can unless there are mobility issues. My DD was under 2.5 when we got rid of our stairgates because she could open them herself anyway, she was completely safe on the stairs.

Up til 3 is beneficial to sleep in a cot, barring safety.

Her son isn’t doing the screaming in his cot, it’s when he’s up.

So naturally i disagree with everyone who thinks that's weird!

@SomeOtherUser It’s not that all piling into bed with drinks is weird, we do this. It’s the fact that he’s started screaming because he doesn’t like the routine any more and instead of just taking him down and sorting things straight away they’re letting him scream whilst still trying to enforce their wants on him. He’s expressed that he no longer likes this routine, so they need to forget the getting dressed and teeth etc and just take him downstairs. It sucks that their routine has to change but that’s life with small children. It’ll change again and lazy mornings in bed will resume at some point but right now he needs a change. He can have a banana or drink and then go back up, or even have his milk like warm/cold or a banana in bed, but it’s the attitude towards this change that the OP has that is baffling.

Three is too old for a cot. He's probably frustrated and wants to get out of bed. Mine were in beds from around 16 months old because they were big chaps and needed space to move around.

Agreed. And - caveat, yes they are all different blah blah blah - he is a boy. All my friends with boys (sample of 6) say they want to be up and doing something the moment they wake up. DS is 6 now and we take him downstairs, put something on TV (he likes Match of the Day!) and he gets out some breakfast and some colouring or Lego. Then we go back to bed!

My DS was a bit like this with wanting breakfast the second he opened his eyes, and being beside himself that it wasn’t happening quickly enough. Properly shouting at us to get downstairs NOW! I kind of just had to ride it out, I would tell him not to speak to me like that, that I knew he was hungry and and that I was going as fast as I could (literally just had to have a wee, wash hands, pull a dressing gown on, but if feels forever with someone shouting at you!). He just gradually learnt to be more patient, but it took a while! He just genuinely is starving when he wakes up, he is still pretty grumpy if he doesn’t eat soon after waking up!

Poor mite, trapped in a cot at his age!

Get him in a bed and he can potter round his room while you're doing the weird morning routine. Might help with his toilet training too....

I find it bizarre that instead of just bringing him downstairs and getting him a cup of milk, you've both thought it acceptable to just let him scream every morning.

Yeah that's fair enough my bad. Thought I saw that somewhere, maybe another poster said that time. But my point is it's very hard to lie in bed with both parents drinking hot drinks with that aged child. They need to adapt to the child and adjust their own expectations.

@Toddlerhelpplease123

I'm sorry if you've already answered these questions, but what time is he waking up? Could he be cold? Is he dry overnight? Is he still in pull ups overnight? Is it wet in the morning?

I remember things like this with my own DCs and not being able to see the wood from the tees at times. But that old mantra applies: this too shall pass. And in the blink of an eye, you are trying to prise them out of their pit at midday.

He needs more food.

Raging ADHD 😂 oh my god that’s amazing!
Did you find it fun and interesting or did you feel under pressure to perform?
I’m so intrigued! x