Omg please help!

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 2025-02-02T08:33:58+00:00

Toddler is nearly 3. Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.) For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks. Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop. I honestly dont know what to do. Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash). We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can. This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome. But we cannot have this. What do people suggest? I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast. Any ideas! Help please

Scirocco · 06/02/2025 16:47

Snugglemonkey · 06/02/2025 13:21

But most one year olds can do stairs. Even my short 2 year old has been doing stairs for well over a year.

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There's a degree to which it depends on the stairs, and on the child. If the OP's child can't yet manage these specific stairs then no amount of other people saying they should be able to is going to magically make them acquire the ability. There are some stairs I wouldn't want my DC doing without direct supervision by an adult with a hand free.

Snugglemonkey · 06/02/2025 13:21

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:51

He should be able to climb stairs unless they’re like the stairs inside a lighthouse.

Tbh they aren’t far off and he has 2 percentile legs bless him.

But most one year olds can do stairs. Even my short 2 year old has been doing stairs for well over a year.

pelargoniums · 06/02/2025 08:47

golemmings · 05/02/2025 23:31

It's hardly encouraging independence, is it?

Well done little Jonny, you're now toilet trained but if you need a wee once you've been out to bed you need to shout and wake someone up so they can release you and let you be a big boy before they put you back in your cage.

If a child is old enough to be toilet trained they are old enough to be in a bed.

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DD was potty trained (not night trained) at 2yr1m, no way was she going in a bed just in case she woke up and fancied a wee! And when she did go in a bed at age 3, she still yelled for us in the night for whatever she wanted, nightmares/drinks/wees/random thoughts etc, we had to train her to get out and come and find us.

Cots aren’t cages and if you’re treating them as such, you probably need to look at your own parenting first. Both my children love(d) their cots.

Didimum · 06/02/2025 07:12

golemmings · 05/02/2025 23:31

It's hardly encouraging independence, is it?

Well done little Jonny, you're now toilet trained but if you need a wee once you've been out to bed you need to shout and wake someone up so they can release you and let you be a big boy before they put you back in your cage.

If a child is old enough to be toilet trained they are old enough to be in a bed.

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As I’ve said previously on this thread, research has shown it’s beneficial for children to sleep in a cot up to the age of three. So an opinion on whether it ‘encourages’ independence, is really neither here nor there – especially to the OP who isn’t struggling with cots or toilet training. You do you and there’s no need to give unsolicited advice.

Spudalot · 06/02/2025 07:02

golemmings · 05/02/2025 23:31

It's hardly encouraging independence, is it?

Well done little Jonny, you're now toilet trained but if you need a wee once you've been out to bed you need to shout and wake someone up so they can release you and let you be a big boy before they put you back in your cage.

If a child is old enough to be toilet trained they are old enough to be in a bed.

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Mine is in a bed but still doesn’t get out without shouting for me first to get him if he needs a wee or wants something!

golemmings · 05/02/2025 23:31

Didimum · 03/02/2025 22:54

You get them out the cot when they want to. It isn’t an issue. It certainly isn’t OP’s issue, so it’s completely irrelevant.

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It's hardly encouraging independence, is it?

Well done little Jonny, you're now toilet trained but if you need a wee once you've been out to bed you need to shout and wake someone up so they can release you and let you be a big boy before they put you back in your cage.

If a child is old enough to be toilet trained they are old enough to be in a bed.

HamptonPlace · 05/02/2025 16:17

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

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yes. that is quite normal. Not universal, but definitely normal.

Pippinsdiary · 05/02/2025 15:59

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 05/02/2025 15:29

I’m glad uploading photos have been banned because at this stage I’m tempted to post a picture of my stairs 😂

But that would outing and apparently we are now on reddit!

Yes he’s still in night pull ups. I think that’s entirely normal no? If he needs the loo he just asks to come out the cot.

Yes it’s normal for a 3yo to wear pull ups for bed, it’s hormonal. My 3yo is dry overnight and in a double bed but she won’t go to the toilet herself in the night and still screams for us to take her so I’m sure a cot makes no difference 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 05/02/2025 15:29

I’m glad uploading photos have been banned because at this stage I’m tempted to post a picture of my stairs 😂

But that would outing and apparently we are now on reddit!

Yes he’s still in night pull ups. I think that’s entirely normal no? If he needs the loo he just asks to come out the cot.

OP posts:

Dearnurse · 05/02/2025 15:20

A cot a three is not developmentally appropriate, even if you put the mattress on the floor for now while your waiting for a bed to come then that would be better. Can he not tell you the reason he's upset ? He's 3 he should be able to have a conversation with you ? But the solution is to bring him with you .. I live in a large multi story house and have 4 children they have been able to get around everywhere from 2 & im 5ft so have tiny children ,if there isn't a special need they should be able to navigate stairs at 3 , all seems a bit odd if I'm not getting it wrong ?

HeartyPearlSnail · 05/02/2025 14:32

Why aren't you taking him downstairs with you? It sounds like he's worrying about you leaving him. Also, I'm wondering why a 3 yr old is still in a cot? If he needs the loo, how does he get to the bathroom? Or is he still in nappies? I'm not judging you, just asking.

Errors · 05/02/2025 12:41

WinterBones · 05/02/2025 09:50

and? who gives a fuck what the people posting about another forums threads think?

Edited

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Am I being thick? What do they mean by Reddit is loving it?
I don’t use Reddit, is there beef between them and us?

TorroFerney · 05/02/2025 12:00

WinterBones · 05/02/2025 09:50

and? who gives a fuck what the people posting about another forums threads think?

Edited

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Quite

Lookatallthesepearlsonthefloor · 05/02/2025 10:13

KindLemur · 03/02/2025 20:27

My mind is blown that people dress their toddlers before breakfast… what’s the point when they’re just going to get porridge/beans/jam/fruit all over it anyway !

Surely on a thread that is screaming about toddlers being babied and how independent everyone's 18 months olds are/were, it should come as no surprise that it's totally possibly to teach children to eat properly so they don't throw food all down themselves?

WinterBones · 05/02/2025 09:50

TorroFerney · 05/02/2025 08:46

Reddit are living this one!

and? who gives a fuck what the people posting about another forums threads think?

TorroFerney · 05/02/2025 08:46

Reddit are living this one!

SunnyWriter · 04/02/2025 22:07

We don't have a child… however we do have a cat that is very attached to us. If we go downstairs in the morning he follows us… if we prevent him he miaows like we're killing him. Same going upstairs any time of the day, he wants to be with us. Maybe it's a simple case that your child wants to be with you and doesn't understand the separation. I know this sounds over simplistic but our mammals, human or animal, are extremely attached to their carers.

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 21:22

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 19:19

I’m not sure I am missing the point. Literally you can teach a 1 year old to crawl up the stairs or shuffle down on their bottom. Height doesn’t come into it. I don’t agree with spiteful comments but I do think some people can be a tad precious to any perceived criticism.

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The fact that you are still going on about stairs suggests otherwise.

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 19:19

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 15:52

You are missing my point I am not arguing that children should not be taught to use the stairs at all. My post is that there is nothing to suggest OP doesn't let her child use stairs. She said clearly that she is too short to do it himself and I presume difficult to do when carrying warm drinks. So the advice is completely redundant and in my opinion not opinion not said to be helpful but to be unkind.

And yeah on AIBU the bar is really low. People comment so harshly on here and I think OP got a lot of snarky comments.

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I’m not sure I am missing the point. Literally you can teach a 1 year old to crawl up the stairs or shuffle down on their bottom. Height doesn’t come into it. I don’t agree with spiteful comments but I do think some people can be a tad precious to any perceived criticism.

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 15:52

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 13:04

come on, “on their own” clearly indicates the fact they don’t need to be carried up the stairs, but can walk up and down unassisted, but supervised. No one (hopefully) is letting a 1 year old roam around the house up and down the stairs alone. 2-3 year olds are absolutely encouraged to take the stairs by themselves in childcare settings, itvis age appropriate- my son’s nursery encouraged parents NOT to hold their hands but to stand behind them as they climbed the stairs. It isn’t smug to say your child can safely climb the stairs for goodness sake. Is the bar really so low? this isn’t about parent’s egos its about a child’s self esteem.

Unless your child has any disabilities they should absolutely be encouraged to learn how to safely climb stairs!!

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You are missing my point I am not arguing that children should not be taught to use the stairs at all. My post is that there is nothing to suggest OP doesn't let her child use stairs. She said clearly that she is too short to do it himself and I presume difficult to do when carrying warm drinks. So the advice is completely redundant and in my opinion not opinion not said to be helpful but to be unkind.

And yeah on AIBU the bar is really low. People comment so harshly on here and I think OP got a lot of snarky comments.

Missj25 · 04/02/2025 14:26

OH please excuse me , my mistake , changes things up completely ….
I hope he has his cvs handed out in time for a Summer Job !!!!
😂😂

Isittimeformynapyet · 04/02/2025 14:05

Missj25 · 04/02/2025 11:50

I agree completely that a 3 year old should not be left navigate stairs on their own …

But with regards to calling a 3 year old a “mini dictator “ & “ irrational 3 year old “ GET A GRIP !!!!
Baby , Baby, Baby , Have I mentioned it’s a baby that we’re talking about here !!!!!

Toddler, toddler, toddler.

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 13:04

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 12:29

There were plenty of people saying he should be able to navigate the stairs by himself by now. Lots of smug 'advice' from people whose baby did the stairs by one or who were in their own bed at 14 months! It's unhelpful, irrelevant and shared with the intention of telling OP she is doing it wrong.

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come on, “on their own” clearly indicates the fact they don’t need to be carried up the stairs, but can walk up and down unassisted, but supervised. No one (hopefully) is letting a 1 year old roam around the house up and down the stairs alone. 2-3 year olds are absolutely encouraged to take the stairs by themselves in childcare settings, itvis age appropriate- my son’s nursery encouraged parents NOT to hold their hands but to stand behind them as they climbed the stairs. It isn’t smug to say your child can safely climb the stairs for goodness sake. Is the bar really so low? this isn’t about parent’s egos its about a child’s self esteem.

Unless your child has any disabilities they should absolutely be encouraged to learn how to safely climb stairs!!

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 12:29

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 11:59

No one is suggesting the toddler be allowed to walk up and downstairs unassisted. And toddler independence is so vital in forming self esteem, encouraging life skills is crucial before they start preschool. It takes a good year of practice to become confident at walking up and down the stairs.

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There were plenty of people saying he should be able to navigate the stairs by himself by now. Lots of smug 'advice' from people whose baby did the stairs by one or who were in their own bed at 14 months! It's unhelpful, irrelevant and shared with the intention of telling OP she is doing it wrong.

eastegg · 04/02/2025 12:13

Ooh lots of opportunities for the usual sneering and showing off on this thread I see.

Haven’t read far yet but favourite so far is ‘my DD was going up and down the stairs well before 1’. Independently I presume was meant, otherwise the observation was irrelevant in context as the point was about OP’s child not managing stairs alone.

Isn’t a child well before 1 going up and down stairs on their own negligence?