To think it is NOT OK to only send one DC to private school

Unless as above a child chooses not to go private like their sibling, but they were offered it.

I can't comprehend sending one and not the other. That's a recipe for a poor family relationship and definitly doesn't guarantee good results. I would focus on finding an excellent state school and moving close by.

Three siblings in our family: myself and another went to local grammar school. The third (less academic) went to a private school. It never felt that unfair at the time, just the best schools for each of our needs.

Both my DC went to private prep but only one to boarding school as she won a scholarship. DS went to an outstanding state secondary. My DD hated the people and the lack of diversity. She would never send her DC to private school.
One is with the civil service the other at Oxford.
Personally I think a prep school teaches children how to learn. Pick wisely because for boys it's all about the sport.

I think he's struggling to imagine another DC in 'real life' and it Harry be different if you have an 11yo and a 7yo in front of you (don't bother with private primary school).

My friends did send one child because they have one son who would have hated the highly academic, competitive atmosphere (he's SEN). They just looked into it for their younger son and he loved it and passed entrance exam / interview with no tuition so they decided it would be great for him (he has also had to sacrifice many things for his older brother's needs). So, in the end it's worked out and I would say it's 'fair'.

However, in our house we would not have sent only one child (we have 3). I don't think it would be fair to send one child, even though one of our children would probably have particularly benefited, and it would have affected our close family dynamic. I think it would definitely affect sibling relationships.

So, basically it's a silly thing to argue over right now! Wait till/ IF you have another child. Wait till they are both older as you don't know what life throws at you. As they grow up, if you see your children's closeness and you don't want to upset that, then you can make an appropriate decision. If you see that one child would really benefit and the other child would not be at all affected then you may make a different decision.

Circumstances and kids needs might result in a different outcome like PP above where private education for one doesn't suit the other or one child has specific needs or gets a scholarship, but you can't go into it planned from the start. That isn't fair. Either stick with one or plan for both to go to state school. Life might change that plan in a way that is still fair to both DC or it might not, in which case you should both be prepared not to send them private.

Yikes - seen this happen. Resentment at the injustice from DC1, not great exam results from DC2.

You’ll probably back the wrong horse in terms of academic success.

You shouldn’t be backing horses, you should be bringing up your children. Which at a minimum means fairly and not unkindly.

Don’t go private, find a decent state and take an active interest in your kids education. Help them identify their talents and interests. Support them with social and emotional development. Encourage them to take responsibility early, show them that hard work pays off. There is so much more that will determine success than just grades. Take it from someone with perfect grades, oxbridge degree, no direction :)

I know someone who paid 19k a year for their son to attend a local private school. But then their daughter attended the local state school, ofsted outstanding and 10 mins walk. The dad and grandparents were really keen for the son to attend private school, and they contributed. They couldn’t really afford it, it was a keeping up with the Jones kind of situation. The mum got a job just to fund it, she was a SAHM beforehand. She was massively relieved when her DD insisted on going to the local secondary as she was so worried about affording it. Her DD was offered the chance of private and suggested attending a few to look around but she was adamant, she wanted to attend the local state. She also did better in her GCSE’s than her brother, whose education cost a fortune.

So no, I don’t think its essential to give exactly same education but if a case of local school is rubbish, then its not fair to only offer private to one DC.

I know someone who did this. They sent the super bright kid to a state school because ‘they’ll be ok anywhere’. The second one wasn’t as academic so they went to a private school with good sporting opportunities and they now play that sport at national level.

The state educated child ended up doing a masters at Cambridge.

i guess you could say that they’d got it right but it always felt harsh.

If that’s how he views it he (you) shouldn’t have another DC.

My parents did it as I didn’t want to go to private school but they made sure to provide me with other financial benefits so I didn’t feel treated unequally (month-long school trip to the other side of the world, bought me a piano, more expensive extra-curriculars).

For what it’s worth, I ended up with higher school marks and better scholarships than my privately educated sibling did.

I wouldn’t do it if one sibling is enjoying a level of advantage that the other is not.