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Original poster

Wish I said something at the time

284 replies

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 20:56

Today we went to smyths toy shop with my little girl who is 2, we went to buy her a treat since she's been potty trained and nappy free now for a week. She was so excited, roaming around each aisle to see what she wanted. She had picked what she wanted and we just carried on looking, she saw a little girl run past her, this little girl was miles in front of her parents and my little girl would make friends with a brick wall, she is so social. My little girl thinks this girl is racing, so she instantly runs with her, I of course run after my little girl and the parents have obviously caught up and with their child. When I turn the corner my daughter has run round, the girl she chased was pushing her saying "get away girl, go away now" I heard the parents saying their child's name and stop it before I turned round the corner.

But I was a bit taken a back, it was a silly innocent thing. But in that moment I just thought what a nasty child. My daughter was being harmless. I just grabbed her hand and said come on let's go now and pay for your toy. But it's really bothered me all day and I wish I'd of said something because I feel so bad my daughter has just been plodding along and then randomly gets pushed and told to get away. The parents didn't even say sorry. If my child did that I'd be so apologetic. I just feel so sad in that spilt second that she was there without me and she's getting pushed. It's really upset me

OP posts:
Barbadosgirl · 01/02/2025 21:30

My fave sort of thread. “Am I being unreasonable?” “Yes.” “No I am not and here are all the reasons why.”

Whoknew24 · 01/02/2025 21:30

As a mother of 4 I think you’re overreacting. Child was in a bubble having fun, your daughter joined in and the child didn’t want that, so reacted in a way young children sometimes do.

Not sure if this is your only child, but if it is buckle up for everything to come, this is minor.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:30

Pushing someone is nasty, I stand by that. It my child pushed someone I would also say that's a nasty thing to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:29

@Overthebow no I didn't tell her off for that. Because what if my child was just walking close to another child unaware. I have to tell her off for walking to close to someone else? Does that not send mix messages? "Oh I can't walk or run to close to anyone in case they push me and I have to say sorry" I'm sorry but no

OP posts:
TanginaBarrons · 01/02/2025 21:29

You saying "what a nasty child" about a 4/5 year old is the only thing that is not ok about any of this. You are seriously lacking self awareness if you spin this any other way.

Spurber · 01/02/2025 21:28

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:16

So my child can't be herself is what everyone is trying to say? I'll have to tell my TWO year old that not everyone wants to be friends. Which I do, in the park if she wants to play with other children who don't, I say ask nicely and if they say no that's okay. But again, she's 2. Do you think she fully understands boundaries? But does she really deserve to be pushed? No im sorry she doesn't.

If we all have two year olds we fully control in a toy shop of all places, im open to your tips and tricks

Are you saying the FOUR year old can't be herself?

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 21:27

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:24

@Overthebow I didn't tell her off no, I simply said we can't run away. Please stay by mummy. I don't think I needed to tell her off angrily

You don’t have to get angry whilst telling a child off. Did you tell her off for getting too close/in the way of the other child?

Spurber · 01/02/2025 21:27

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:25

I would say about 4/5 years old

Show quote history

You'll realise when your child is that age how that doesn't mean they suddenly know how they should handle situations. She wanted the little girl to leave her alone.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:27

Spirallingdownwards · 01/02/2025 21:25

Yes you should have said something.

Sorry my child has upset yours to the piunt she feels she need to protect herself.

No in reality the other child's parents told their child No. You should have done the same to yours.

I did tell my child no when we walked away. I didn't need to stand there and make it a big thing telling her off. I got her hand and we walked and as we walked I said you have to stay with mummy

OP posts:
LadyQuackBeth · 01/02/2025 21:26

We all got a bit like this when our tiny children were first growing up and seeming older by doing things like potty training, projecting a more adult response and expectations onto very young children. It's only obvious in hindsight though, when you have an older version to compare them with.

When you have a 5+ child you'll look back and realise how completely small and unformed they are at age 2. The parents might have talked to her about being nice in general after, but they were right not to escalate it or performance parent for your benefit, it would have kicked off. I doubt your DD even remembers, I hope she found a nice toy and it didn't ruin your day.

Spirallingdownwards · 01/02/2025 21:25

Yes you should have said something.

Sorry my child has upset yours to the piunt she feels she need to protect herself.

No in reality the other child's parents told their child No. You should have done the same to yours.

MumChp · 01/02/2025 21:25

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:16

So my child can't be herself is what everyone is trying to say? I'll have to tell my TWO year old that not everyone wants to be friends. Which I do, in the park if she wants to play with other children who don't, I say ask nicely and if they say no that's okay. But again, she's 2. Do you think she fully understands boundaries? But does she really deserve to be pushed? No im sorry she doesn't.

If we all have two year olds we fully control in a toy shop of all places, im open to your tips and tricks

Yes.
You will have to explain your child about boundaries.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:25

IrritableVowel · 01/02/2025 21:24

What age was the other little girl?
What do you think you should have said?

I would say about 4/5 years old

OP posts:
Spurber · 01/02/2025 21:25

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:01

@Moonnstars my child didn't run after her, as in behind her. She ran beside her. She wasn't screaming or anything. Literally just running beside her.

I get your point, but that's okay for the other child to push another child who hasn't hurt them?

That child is still young themselves and still learning. Have grace

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:25

@Tobycarvery11 why was there pushing going on? What happened?

OP posts:
IrritableVowel · 01/02/2025 21:24

What age was the other little girl?
What do you think you should have said?

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:24

@Overthebow I didn't tell her off no, I simply said we can't run away. Please stay by mummy. I don't think I needed to tell her off angrily

OP posts:
Hunnybunny235 · 01/02/2025 21:23

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:20

@Hunnybunny235 exactly that! Thank you, I couldn't have put it better myself

One piece of advise, read the let them theory it will change your perspective about a lot of things and teach you how to let go of negativity. Next, I know how isolating motherhood is but don’t look for opinions of people online. They’re more likely to just judge you more than be kind.

Tobycarvery11 · 01/02/2025 21:23

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:22

Oh yeah for sure, my little girl wasn't phased. She just wanted to open her doctors kit and be on her merry way. I've just had the thought in my head now I've sat down for the evening and just thought about it briefly and thought wish I said something, should I of said something

Show quote history

But again said what?

purpleme12 · 01/02/2025 21:22

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:22

Oh yeah for sure, my little girl wasn't phased. She just wanted to open her doctors kit and be on her merry way. I've just had the thought in my head now I've sat down for the evening and just thought about it briefly and thought wish I said something, should I of said something

Show quote history

No because the parents told her to stop it

Moonnstars · 01/02/2025 21:22

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:16

So my child can't be herself is what everyone is trying to say? I'll have to tell my TWO year old that not everyone wants to be friends. Which I do, in the park if she wants to play with other children who don't, I say ask nicely and if they say no that's okay. But again, she's 2. Do you think she fully understands boundaries? But does she really deserve to be pushed? No im sorry she doesn't.

If we all have two year olds we fully control in a toy shop of all places, im open to your tips and tricks

If you say you already tell her not everyone wants to be friends then there is no issue? She can still be herself?

Reins or holding hands to stop child running off is one idea or if they still go in a pushchair put them in that if you are genuinely looking for suggestions of 'controlling' a 2 year old and don't think your child is capable of not running after others?

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:22

TheignT · 01/02/2025 21:19

They are both just little kids. I'm sure they've both forgotten all about it. It's hard when this sort of things happens to your child but I don't think it was malicious. Try not to dwell on it.

Oh yeah for sure, my little girl wasn't phased. She just wanted to open her doctors kit and be on her merry way. I've just had the thought in my head now I've sat down for the evening and just thought about it briefly and thought wish I said something, should I of said something

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 01/02/2025 21:21

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:16

So my child can't be herself is what everyone is trying to say? I'll have to tell my TWO year old that not everyone wants to be friends. Which I do, in the park if she wants to play with other children who don't, I say ask nicely and if they say no that's okay. But again, she's 2. Do you think she fully understands boundaries? But does she really deserve to be pushed? No im sorry she doesn't.

If we all have two year olds we fully control in a toy shop of all places, im open to your tips and tricks

But you expect the other toddler to understand boundaries? Why does the other child have to put up with being scared by your DD? You can't have it both ways.

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 21:21

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:16

So my child can't be herself is what everyone is trying to say? I'll have to tell my TWO year old that not everyone wants to be friends. Which I do, in the park if she wants to play with other children who don't, I say ask nicely and if they say no that's okay. But again, she's 2. Do you think she fully understands boundaries? But does she really deserve to be pushed? No im sorry she doesn't.

If we all have two year olds we fully control in a toy shop of all places, im open to your tips and tricks

Yes you do have to teach your dd how to behave when around others and that includes not just assuming she can play and not get too close or run with them if they don’t want her to. You say she doesn’t fully understand boundaries because she’s two, well neither does the other child. This is how they learn, they make mistakes and we teach them. Her parents told her off as she did something wrong. Did you tell your dd off for running away from you and getting in the way of the other child when she got told to go away as the other child didn’t want to play?

Tobycarvery11 · 01/02/2025 21:21

To play devils advocate here, you said you had just come round the corner when the other parents was telling their child off, how do you know your daughter didn't push their child first? You don't. You only say the end of the interaction. You're assuming your child was wronged, perhaps they weren't.