Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

407 replies

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 19:38

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 01/02/2025 20:08

Whoarethoseguys · 01/02/2025 19:55

My children and grandchildren are free to go into my fridge. I'm happy for them to make themselves drinks and help themselves to whatever they want. Why not? Surely most families allow this?

Show quote history

I don't mind if my adult kids do this in my house but I wouldn't do it at my parents'. Different generations perhaps or different outlooks. I'd never presume in someone else's house that it's OK to go in their fridge. I wouldn't do it in one of my adult kids' houses either - I'd ask them if there was something I particularly wanted and it hadn't been offered. At that point they might say, just help yourself, but if they don't then I stay out of their fridge.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:08

Just say OP “You come to us next time as I feel the kids are a bit feral for you at your lovely home!”

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:08

No not really, firstly we have ikea sofas with washable covers and the dc occasionally play hot lava where they jump from sofa to chair and ottoman to avoid the "lava",floor.
No damage or problems have ever occurred due to this.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 20:07

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:05

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

Do you genuinely not know why someone would be annoyed at kids jumping off the sofa? Come on
Shirty? Jumping off the sofa. Yes I’d be annoyed and I’d make my displeasure known, I’d radiate disapproval and I’d say something to you and the kids

Beyondhelp10 · 01/02/2025 20:07

amazed by people suggesting your mil is being reasonable!

our DC (3) is a crumb making whirlwind who may well try and have a sofa bounce (and be strictly reminding that it’s unacceptable and wouldn’t try it again. Kids are chancers.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/02/2025 20:07

Screamingabdabz · 01/02/2025 19:52

You don’t have to be Agatha Christie…She watches over you because you’re the sort of CF person who lets their child jump up and down on someone else’s sofa.

Yes this. Her house her rules and I wouldn't let children jump on the furniture either.

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:06

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:05

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

And? Why haven't they been raised to know they shouldn't be doing it?

MrsJHernandez · 01/02/2025 20:05

Per everyone else, your kids shouldn't be jumping on any furniture.

Watching for crumbies is a bit much. If you entertain, you should expect some cleaning up afterwards. You should make a joke about eating it over the sink instead lol.

I can wonder round my PIL's house if I wanted, but why would I?! We're either in the kitchen or living room, where else do I need to go? I can also help myself to a drink.

It does sound a bit regimented, but you should make the effort if they're otherwise nice people. Surely it's only an hour or two every now and again?

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:05

ArtTheClown · 01/02/2025 20:04

It's no bad thing for children to have a bit of exposure to some strictness, and learn that there are different rules in different places.

Absolutely.

We are pretty free and easy in our house but I’ve never ever allowed the kids to jump off furniture. I can’t bear when their friends come over and start climbing all over the sofa.

BarbaraHoward · 01/02/2025 20:05

They sound really inhospitable, especially this bit:

Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.

Agree with everyone else re the jumping off furniture but the rest sounds awful. Very difficult not to visit such close family though.

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:05

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

OP posts:
ArtTheClown · 01/02/2025 20:04

It's no bad thing for children to have a bit of exposure to some strictness, and learn that there are different rules in different places.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:04

tropicalroses · 01/02/2025 20:02

She's having to keep a close eye on you because she thinks that the type of people who don't teach their kids not to jump off furniture also haven't taught their kids table manners. Why don't you meet elsewhere like a day out at a zoo where you'll feel more at home?

<sniggers>

A bit mean but that made me chuckle

lunar1 · 01/02/2025 20:03

I'd be watching someone who had kids jumping on my furniture as well!

We are also a 'no treading germs and muck through the house' household.

tropicalroses · 01/02/2025 20:02

She's having to keep a close eye on you because she thinks that the type of people who don't teach their kids not to jump off furniture also haven't taught their kids table manners. Why don't you meet elsewhere like a day out at a zoo where you'll feel more at home?

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:02

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:01

Just to be as clear as I can, they are both extremely well behaved and they are not charging in and tearing around, bouncing off the furniture. It was mire fil deliberately whipping them up and they stood on the sofa and jumped off.
Mil swiftly put a stop to it and they sat back down.
It's not like they won't do as they are told and being uncontrollable.

Why did they think it was ok in the first place? Do they jump off your sofa??

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:01

Flowers665 · 01/02/2025 20:00

I can never understand "shoes on" households, think of all the dirt you're bringing in all over your floors 😐
Agree with previous people, you shouldn't let your kids jump on other people's furniture, it's really rude. Take him out in the garden or for a walk to blow off steam.

I’m a shoes on house. I don’t go splashing around in dirt, I wipe shoes on the mat.

Also, germs are good

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:01

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 19:56

We are a shoes on house but many people are shoes off, no one stands over us like she does. Most people welcome you in and chat, she's standing guard.
Fil gets dc whipped up into excitement but has no where to go with it, the get on a sofa and jump off.
If you have people around is anyone really watching over them for crumbs? If we have gusts over surely some debris is part and parcel of that? We don't watch guests to make sure they are not leaving a mess we just enjoy their company.

What do you mean you're "shoes on" you're trampling dog shit everywhere take them off!

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:01

Just to be as clear as I can, they are both extremely well behaved and they are not charging in and tearing around, bouncing off the furniture. It was mire fil deliberately whipping them up and they stood on the sofa and jumped off.
Mil swiftly put a stop to it and they sat back down.
It's not like they won't do as they are told and being uncontrollable.

OP posts:
BigSilly · 01/02/2025 20:01

What would you expect her to do while you are taking your shoes off? I wouldn't go wandering around someone else's house, and I wouldn't let y kids stand on their furniture either.

Redcandlescandal · 01/02/2025 20:01

Control your child (obviously that extends to child’s father)

Dont visit her if you don’t want to 🤷‍♀️

Flowers665 · 01/02/2025 20:00

I can never understand "shoes on" households, think of all the dirt you're bringing in all over your floors 😐
Agree with previous people, you shouldn't let your kids jump on other people's furniture, it's really rude. Take him out in the garden or for a walk to blow off steam.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 01/02/2025 20:00

If you don’t usually bother to take your shoes off and happily ignore your kids jumping on the furniture, maybe she feels the need to ‘manage’ your visits in case her house gets trashed? She sounds a bit uptight, but if your definition of a ‘relaxed’ house is being able to do as you please despite how bad mannered it may be, then you’ll probably never see eye to eye 🤷‍♀️

CallMeFlo · 01/02/2025 20:00

Fil gets dc whipped up into excitement but has no where to go with it, the get on a sofa and jump off

What absolute rubbish. There's plenty other options than jumping on/off furniture. You're making excuses for their behaviour. They're right to be annoyed about that

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 20:00

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 19:56

We are a shoes on house but many people are shoes off, no one stands over us like she does. Most people welcome you in and chat, she's standing guard.
Fil gets dc whipped up into excitement but has no where to go with it, the get on a sofa and jump off.
If you have people around is anyone really watching over them for crumbs? If we have gusts over surely some debris is part and parcel of that? We don't watch guests to make sure they are not leaving a mess we just enjoy their company.

Debris isn’t inevitable, debris sounds like piles,lumps,mashed in. Crumbs, etc fine.debris , no
Your kids jumping on sofa,you need to get them told No we don’t do that, take toys to distract them with. Get a strategy Intervene before they get hyper, really you need to get them out that habit.