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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

407 replies

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 19:38

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

OP posts:
LouisvilleSlugger · 01/02/2025 20:13

Is this just a ‘I hate my MIL’ thread?

Let your husband and child visit without you if it’s so intolerable.

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:13

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:12

@JandamiHash it's very different because it may break the springs. One innocent jump off is a different catagory of crime.

Look your kids shouldn't be jumping off people's sofas. It's not on. And you know it. That's why you snuck it in at the end of your op there.

sometimesmovingforwards · 01/02/2025 20:13

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 19:56

We are a shoes on house but many people are shoes off, no one stands over us like she does. Most people welcome you in and chat, she's standing guard.
Fil gets dc whipped up into excitement but has no where to go with it, the get on a sofa and jump off.
If you have people around is anyone really watching over them for crumbs? If we have gusts over surely some debris is part and parcel of that? We don't watch guests to make sure they are not leaving a mess we just enjoy their company.

You wear your shoes inside your house?? Wtf!?!
Also your kids jump on furniture..

Well, whatever makes you happy I guess.

MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:13

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:12

@JandamiHash it's very different because it may break the springs. One innocent jump off is a different catagory of crime.

Excuse the child. Control the child. Move on.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:13

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:12

@JandamiHash it's very different because it may break the springs. One innocent jump off is a different catagory of crime.

FFS OP that’s not a good enough reason. Nor is it your decision to make about someone else’s furniture

oviraptor21 · 01/02/2025 20:13

bringmetolife · 01/02/2025 19:56

I can’t imagine having such a formal relationship with my parents that I would say Mum can I open the fridge and get the milk out to make myself a cup of tea? Seems so weird!

Show quote history

You wouldn't say that though, you'd say 'do you mind if I make myself some tea. Would you like some too?' and then mum/whoever would say, 'I'll do that for you'. Or they might say 'yes of course, just help yourself to whatever you want. The cups are here etc. etc.'
Which is what I do with visitors but I totally respect that other people have different ways of doing things and as others have said, their house, their rules.

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:12

@JandamiHash thank you 🙄.
My dc are in and out of plenty of houses and are absolutely fine. It's only mils we run into issue.

OP posts:
Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:12

MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:11

You still don't do it then you visit other peoples' houses. You sit at the sofaes.

Show quote history

(Unless you're Tom Cruise)

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:12

@JandamiHash it's very different because it may break the springs. One innocent jump off is a different catagory of crime.

OP posts:
Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:12

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:10

We have been in many other people's houses and they have never done it. I don't know why they did it but obviously it's a heinous act!

It could damage the sofa

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:11

It’s good to teach children that in other peoples homes there’s different rules, and that it’s different to our home, and you have to respect that

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 20:11

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:08

No not really, firstly we have ikea sofas with washable covers and the dc occasionally play hot lava where they jump from sofa to chair and ottoman to avoid the "lava",floor.
No damage or problems have ever occurred due to this.

Ok, the kids do this at home and assume it’s okay elsewhere
It isn’t
Can you genuinely not see the issue, it’s really not ok. This is their routine play and they expect it’s ok elsewhere, it’s not about fil it’s about habit and what they consider ok as they don’t experience a sanction or disapproval at home for Sofa jumping

MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:11

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:09

Jumping off a sofa is not the same as using the sofa like a trampoline and jumping repeatedly on it.

You still don't do it then you visit other peoples' houses. You sit at the sofaes.

Irridescantshimmmer · 01/02/2025 20:11

That sounds suffocating and oppressive.

TammyJones · 01/02/2025 20:11

oviraptor21 · 01/02/2025 19:44

Sounds quite normal to me.
What's she supposed to do while you take your shoes off? It would be very unwelcoming to disappear somewhere.
You're shown into a room that your PIL like to entertain in.
I wouldn't go into my parents' or PIL's fridge without asking.
And I definitely wouldn't allow my children to jump on anyone else's furniture.
Sorry. YABU.

Me too.
I have made the odd cup of coffee at mil's , but normally she's so happy to see us, and likes fussing around making everyone a brew

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:10

We have been in many other people's houses and they have never done it. I don't know why they did it but obviously it's a heinous act!

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:10

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:09

Jumping off a sofa is not the same as using the sofa like a trampoline and jumping repeatedly on it.

It’s not that different

Its having their feet and using it not for sitting

devastatedagain · 01/02/2025 20:10

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:05

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

It's a control thing - at your house, you're in charge and thats what she doesn't like. She wants to be in control, as you rightly said.

Just don't go there - especially if you're not enjoying it. Life is short and it's meant to be enjoyable

DaisyChain505 · 01/02/2025 20:10

If she refuses to go to yours or accept food or drink there, you either have a grubby house or she has some sort of OCD.

Shoes on in the house is disgusting after walking In God knows what in them so I understand her point there.

Either way this is an issue for your partner to deal with. If he’s bothered he needs to bring it up with his mum.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:09

If I ever go to my mum’s or MILs I’m shooed away from the fridge because I’m a guest and “If you want anything I’ll make it for you myself!”. I always come away half a stone heavier they’re a right pair of feeders 😂

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:09

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:08

But why don’t they know that they can’t do it in other people’s homes?

Show quote history

Exactly. Play floor is lava in your own house sure.

Iloveyoubut · 01/02/2025 20:09

Outwith this behaviour is she nice to you all? Is she warm, caring, loving, interested in what you have to say, your life etc?

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:09

Jumping off a sofa is not the same as using the sofa like a trampoline and jumping repeatedly on it.

OP posts:
MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:09

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:05

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

Just accept they aren't happy about it and control your children.
Invite them home, to the park, the Zoo, a meal out - whatever you like. If they say no that's life.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:08

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:08

No not really, firstly we have ikea sofas with washable covers and the dc occasionally play hot lava where they jump from sofa to chair and ottoman to avoid the "lava",floor.
No damage or problems have ever occurred due to this.

But why don’t they know that they can’t do it in other people’s homes?