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Original poster

Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

407 replies

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 19:38

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

OP posts:
Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 01/02/2025 20:22

Sounds like fil was getting them excited and they jumped off the sofa. Bet fil got a rollocking when you left op! Fancy having fun at his age!! He should indeed know better!!

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:22

@Springflowersmakeforbetterhours I absolutely hate having to use mils loo and try not too.
There is an outhouse with a loo and I try and use that when I can.
It was one jump from each dc I really can't understand the outrage.

A child calmly climbing onto a sofa and jumping off.
What's wrong with being kind and good natured about it, come on dd, come from from the sofa.

OP posts:
VoodooRajin · 01/02/2025 20:22

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:21

It's not clean. People pay a small fortune for carpet cleaning

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Who?

CharlotteCChapel · 01/02/2025 20:21

My friend's mother was like that. She had OCD.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/02/2025 20:21

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:05

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

They don't feel comfortable in your house so they don't vist. You don't feel comfortable in their house, so if you follow their example, it's OK for you not to visit them.

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:21

soupyspoon · 01/02/2025 20:18

I dont understand how you think its clean though

We walked to the shops today, theres only pavement on one side and it was scattered with bits of mud and stone that had come off a big garden/green space, no avoiding it

I wiped my feet a lot on the mat, both outdoor mat and indoor, but once I'd taken them off there was still a lot of mud in the grooves of the shoe, along with a number of small stones that get stuck in the tread

Other trainers I have, also have bits of dirt, mud, stones in the treads

Wiping just doesnt compensate for taking them off

My OH insists on putting his shoes on and off in the living room because he has to sit down, drives me mad because then he's treading all over the rug.

Show quote history

It's not clean. People pay a small fortune for carpet cleaning

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 20:21

TBH, you kind of lost the room with the sofa jumping kids and we are a shoes on house
Downhill from there really

Spurber · 01/02/2025 20:20

BIossomtoes · 01/02/2025 20:17

I don’t believe it. What have you got? Rushes?

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Marble or floorboards possibly

HoppityBun · 01/02/2025 20:19

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa I am not surprised. So would I. Other people’s furniture is not an adventure playground

MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:19

BIossomtoes · 01/02/2025 20:17

I don’t believe it. What have you got? Rushes?

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None of your business tbh.

CherryDrops89 · 01/02/2025 20:18

Do the kids normally jump on other people's sofas? I don't think anyone would be pleased with that

soupyspoon · 01/02/2025 20:18

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:14

You’ve never come across a shoes on house before?

We keep shoes on (or rather we don’t have to take them off). We aren’t pigs, we wipe our feet coming in

Show quote history

I dont understand how you think its clean though

We walked to the shops today, theres only pavement on one side and it was scattered with bits of mud and stone that had come off a big garden/green space, no avoiding it

I wiped my feet a lot on the mat, both outdoor mat and indoor, but once I'd taken them off there was still a lot of mud in the grooves of the shoe, along with a number of small stones that get stuck in the tread

Other trainers I have, also have bits of dirt, mud, stones in the treads

Wiping just doesnt compensate for taking them off

My OH insists on putting his shoes on and off in the living room because he has to sit down, drives me mad because then he's treading all over the rug.

sometimesmovingforwards · 01/02/2025 20:18

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:14

You’ve never come across a shoes on house before?

We keep shoes on (or rather we don’t have to take them off). We aren’t pigs, we wipe our feet coming in

Show quote history

Well I have in hotels and inside campsites I guess.

I can’t imagine wearing shoes outside and then thinking it was fine for everyone to just come inside and walk around the flooring and carpets in the same shoes!
Just seems dirty and slobbish to me.

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think you really need to do some book reading about OCD
and ease up on pejorative terms like total control freak
you're making yourself look very stupid

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 01/02/2025 20:17

Maybe she puts these rules in place because of your behaviour in her home. I wouldn’t be happy with children jumping of my furniture.

I always give my DFIL a cup of tea sitting at the table as when he sits on the sofa he tips the mug and spills tea on my carpet. I don’t do that with anyone else.

Coffeeishot · 01/02/2025 20:17

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 19:39

I kind of agree with you to a point, but child jumping on sofa is taking the piss

This, I'd not allow a kid to jump off somebody else's sofa that's really rude. Just go be "managed" drink tea and leave OR invite them to you. I never wandered around my Mil house unless it was to the toilet.

BIossomtoes · 01/02/2025 20:17

MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:16

They are unsuitable for our floors. So shoes off. No harm done.

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I don’t believe it. What have you got? Rushes?

MumChp · 01/02/2025 20:16

BIossomtoes · 01/02/2025 20:14

I can never understand "shoes on" households, think of all the dirt you're bringing in all over your floors

That’s why robo cleaners were invented.

They are unsuitable for our floors. So shoes off. No harm done.

catzrulz · 01/02/2025 20:16

This reply has been deleted

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CaptainMyCaptain · 01/02/2025 20:15

bringmetolife · 01/02/2025 19:56

I can’t imagine having such a formal relationship with my parents that I would say Mum can I open the fridge and get the milk out to make myself a cup of tea? Seems so weird!

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My child and grandchildren have never done that and always ask. Nobody would just go and make themselves a cup of tea either they'd make one for everyone.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 01/02/2025 20:15

Poor fil seems to want to be a fun dgf...
Is their home where dh lived as a dc? My adult dc come home. They open fridge /help themselves... What's mine is absolutely theirs.. Snack /drink /borrow a loo roll kind of thing is more than acceptable.. Bet you dare not use mil's loo?!

Original poster
ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:15

@Iloveyoubut no she's not.
If she was this would be easier to tolerate.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 01/02/2025 20:14

I can never understand "shoes on" households, think of all the dirt you're bringing in all over your floors

That’s why robo cleaners were invented.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 20:14

sometimesmovingforwards · 01/02/2025 20:13

You wear your shoes inside your house?? Wtf!?!
Also your kids jump on furniture..

Well, whatever makes you happy I guess.

Edited
Show quote history

You’ve never come across a shoes on house before?

We keep shoes on (or rather we don’t have to take them off). We aren’t pigs, we wipe our feet coming in

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 20:13

ShowHouse · 01/02/2025 20:12

@JandamiHash thank you 🙄.
My dc are in and out of plenty of houses and are absolutely fine. It's only mils we run into issue.

Yes and it’s up to you to anticipate and prevent it. Knowing it’s an issue yiu get a strategy so it doesn’t happen