Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

if you invite kids over it’s what they do!

Not if they have been well brought up and have parents who monitor their behaviour rather than making pathetic excuses for them If my grandchildren misbehave when they're here with their parents I don't need to tell them off, their parents do so, immediately.

So you're implying that because the mum tried to maintain an immaculate house her children are now under achievers?

My exMIL's family (she kept a show home) were all achievers but all suffer from depression.

Nobody should be jumping on and off furniture. It’s dangerous and disrespectful i someone else’s house.

When my children were small I had a friend who was so uptight about her immaculate house that her children who were aged 4-10 worried about mess etc . I thought it was absolutely horrible for the kids .They are all adults now and have all not achieved,one went to Oxford Uni and works in a cafe ,one bumming around doing fuck all and the other has gone with girlfriend off grid from the world.

I don't have a grubby house. I had a white uoholstered sofa when my DCs were all small and still have one. My DCs made forts, etc, with the couch cushions, and they remained clean because the floors were clean.

I trust guests enough to take off their shoes if they wish (or not if that makes them uncomfortable (my family and I take off outdoor footwear), open my fridge and help themselves to milk, butter, jam, or whatever. I don't hover over them. I don't tut at crumbs, and I clear up cheerfully when meals are over.

The MIL here sounds like a judgey, uptight neatnik, very unpleasant to be around. She's the one with the problem, not the OP.

I wouldn’t go anymore and would say if pressed that it’s because I don’t feel I can relax and be comfortable. She can’t argue with that really. Maybe she’ll unwedge the stick a little.

My DC did not play hot lava or jump on and off the furniture. It's called behaving decently and having boundaries. I think I can understand why your MIL is hawklike.

Decades ago DH's nephew, aged 3, visited. He jumped on our furniture, tipped over chairs, bashed stuff with sticks. His mother did nothing. Thank God they live in Aus because I would never have wanted him wrecking our home regularly.

How often do you have to endure these visits, OP? If it's every few months for a couple of hours, I'd suck it up and take the kids to a playground afterwards. If it's every weekend for hours, I'd give it a swerve. Young children have bags of energy and they need an outlet for it. My PIL don't let the kids jump on the sofa, but they have a mini indoor slide and a huge car track that keeps them entertained when we visit. And then we go round the corner to the playground after lunch so everyone can get some exercise.

Op I tried but couldn’t RTET. I think you get it that jumping off couch is unacceptable. I really hope another 7 pages of responses saying the same thing is not coming your way. It’s sounds like an oppressive environment and I bet it feels like one too. 2 DGP who can’t enjoy their children and grandchildren Their loss. I have a lovely home and it’s very clean and very decorated for the holidays and I entertain family a good bit and everyone comes becuse once the party starts I don’t care about the house. People before things always. My EXDH aunt and uncle wrapped their stovetop in brown wrapping paper so no one dared use it and we were not allowed to access ice or ice cream from the freezer. And we were in our 30s . Uncle actually said to me oh no you won’t when I said I would get ice cream later when I was “hungry for it” screw him and his ice cream I didn’t eat any of it. Stop going for awhile as your dc are young and it’s not enjoyable for you and dc. Let PIL sit alone with their tea and cake and pristine couch

Takes a second slip shoes off so it does seem like you're exaggerating that shes watches over you. If she walked away you would be complaining that she leaves.

Who and why would anyone let their children jump on and off other peoples furniture, thats just plain rude and and disrescpectful. Do what you want in your own home but respect the property of others.

Some people don't want visitors in every part of their home and theres nothing wrong with that.

But you know what to do if it doesnt suit you

We wouldn’t, we might offer to make a drink for everyone, but if at In-laws, we wouldn’t ask or offer to do this.
Its their house, it would be rude.

I think they sound fairly normal.
My own mother would hate people walking round her house.

I had a MIL like this. She behaved the same with her own children when they were growing up. All of her precious stuff was auctioned when she died. None of them wanted it.

I'd just stop going. Nobody is enjoying the visits.

Invite her to yours but live as normal when she's there.

I’m 30 I have toddlers, but when we visit my MIL who is 76 and not in the best health I’d never expect her to go out of her way to get food and stuff in for us, we can get a pizza delivered if we need to I’d rather just she enjoyed our company than running round after us?

sorry if it makes me weird for wanting my elderly MIL to just be comfortable with us visiting and not have to get 2 buses to m&s for nice food for us when she doesn’t need to …. Maybe I should be more mumsnet and make a thread slagging her off …

Maybe you don't need to...
But you should - out of respect

That wouldn't happen in my house. Crumbs can be swept up but you only need one time for a child to get hurt playing like that.

Most folk on Mumsnet have dreadful, strained relationships with parents and adult children. It’s sad. Why should you need to ask permission to open the fridge at your own parents’ house?!

"Why don’t you just take your own stuff or order a takeaway, she clearly expects you to make yourselves at home, why expect her to have been out and done a shop for stuff you might like"

That's a weird response. You never offer your invited grown-up children and grandchildren food/ treats because they may not like it?
Or are you just a bit lazy and selfish?

If you walk on UK streets, particularly after 4ish in winter when its dark, so many school walks home, you will be treading in shit. You wont see it, its not in big lumps that you can see, its already been trod in by someone else and there will be little circles of it trodden into the tarmac.

I know this because I spend a lot of time dodging it as I walk a lot and use a torch at night even on street lit streets because the light isnt enough to see dark tarmac with a very slightly lighter bit of shit.

But even if it isnt that, its the floor outside, why would you want that over your rugs, floors and carpets?

Sounds as though the MiL is quite old fashioned and formal which makes things tense because it isn’t free flowing and laid back. Your kids will pick up on that.

ive never made a cup of tea in my pick house, wouldn’t have a clue what was in any cupboard at all - we have been together 20 years. It is more formal there than at my parents but I think that reflects their upbringing. What does your DH say, was his childhood in a similar atmosphere or is this new behaviour?

do the pil enjoy the visits or do they offer out of obligation?

No it isn’t! I have got two daughters and four grandchildren and they never jumped off the furniture. The first time they tried, they were calmly told it wasn’t the right thing to do in someone’s house. They took that on board, and to this day, (adults now) they come and see me as often as they can. No grudge there and they don’t feel deprived. Their children were never allowed to jump off the furniture either!
That said, I lived on a private road where there were loads of fairly deep potholes which usually had rainwater in and when the grandkids were young, I kept dry clothes and wellies at my house and they loved going ‘puddle jumping’ after rain. They got soaked and loved their bath and dry clothes afterwards. There’s a time and a place for everything! They still mention the fun they had, even now all these years later.

You wear shoes in the house and think your children should be able to jump off furniture in other people's houses. It's obvious why MIL needs to remind you how to behave.