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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that the concept of ‘unconditional love’ does more harm than good?

65 replies

GutsyBrickMoose · 01/02/2025 19:13

Unconditional love sounds noble but doesn’t it enable toxic behaviours and prevent accountability? AIBU to think all love should have boundaries?

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 01/02/2025 19:30

I love my children unconditionally, but that doesn't mean I would accept poor behaviours.
You can love someone but not have them in your life, if it comes down to it.

GivingUpFinally · 01/02/2025 19:28

I absolutely love my children unconditionally. I would still love them even if they committed the worst crimes possible. It doesn't mean I'd condone the behaviour, be proud of them or even forgive them. But I don't think I'd ever stop loving them.

Livelaughlurgy · 01/02/2025 19:26

My love for my husband is 100% conditional, there's plenty I can imagine him doing that would make me fall out of love with him and remember our good times with nostalgia.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 19:25

Redcandlescandal · 01/02/2025 19:22

I definitely love my children and my dog unconditionally.

They might conceivably behave in ways I would find abhorrent (well not DDog obviously he’s a saint) but I would still love them.

Romantic partners? Absolutely not.

Out of interest if your dog bit your child would you still love them?

Ive had dogs but only ever loved them on the condition they didn’t harm my family

Livelaughlurgy · 01/02/2025 19:25

I think it's like forgiveness, people misunderstand it. If you forgive someone it doesn't mean you condone their behaviour. Loving someone doesn't mean you need to support their choices or have no boundaries. I think I love my children unconditionally, I can't imagine even the most heinous crimes eradicating the love I feel for them now as children, but I can imagine establishing boundaries and not supporting or condoning them if they did certain things.

KezzaMucklowe · 01/02/2025 19:24

The love itself is unconditional though isn't it. If my dc grow up to be arseholes and treat me like dirt I'd still love them even if I really didn't like them.

Redcandlescandal · 01/02/2025 19:22

I definitely love my children and my dog unconditionally.

They might conceivably behave in ways I would find abhorrent (well not DDog obviously he’s a saint) but I would still love them.

Romantic partners? Absolutely not.

IndiraCharcoal · 01/02/2025 19:22

I think I do love my children unconditionally. No one else though.

Frowningprovidence · 01/02/2025 19:21

I feel harsh because I'm not sure I do love my children unconditionally.

I am very much more open to them making mistakes and forgiving them things i might not tolerate from others, in a loving mother way.

But I think if my child committed some horrible violent crime I'd never be able too look at them in the same way again.

Supersimkin7 · 01/02/2025 19:18

Easy to love nice people - harder for others.

But not that hard - love doesn’t mean doing what a weirdo or a narc wants.

Real love in times of trial is doing what’s best for someone.

Merryoldgoat · 01/02/2025 19:18

I don’t love anyone unconditionally. Not even my children. I cannot imagine not loving them in the future but there are things they could do that would mean I no longer loved them: murder, child abuse, rape, violence against a partner.

I cannot even imagine them doing those things but if they did my love would die.

Mrsttcno1 · 01/02/2025 19:16

I don’t think romantic love is ever truly and completely unconditional, nor should it be.

But my love for my daughter is unconditional, absolutely, there’s nothing she could do that would make me stop loving her.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 19:15

I’d have to agree. I’ve noticed more MN threads about posters with absolutely vile adult children who treat them like crap, and no doubt hinge on “unconditional love” that enables their behaviour.

Surely all love should be a little bit conditional? Or it should be “unconditional love, conditional involvement in your life”

RosesAndHellebores · 01/02/2025 19:15

No. I have always told my children I shall love them unconditionally but doesn't mean I shall like them liking them depends on their behaviours.

MorrisZapp · 01/02/2025 19:14

I love my son unconditionally. Loving an unrelated adult unconditionally is just weird.