To think that the concept of ‘unconditional love’ does more harm than good?

Works the other way with vile parents. Why do people keep contact with toxic parents?

Love and like are very different.

Love is the underlying emotion, what you are probably referring to is about boundaries. You can love someone forever, regardless of what they do, but not support their actions.

For instance I had an aunt that was an alcoholic- my mum absolutely loved her sister - adored her. But didn’t condone that she abandoned her children, and didn’t take her side when she was wrong - but would visit her (they didn’t live in the same country) - but not to the detriment of the life she built - boundaries but there is unconditional love.

To clarify, abusive to her

My mother loves my abusive brother unconditionally. You can't stop feelings

It might be normal to love your children unconditionally whilst they're children but I don't think it necessarily works like that when theyre adults. I think sustained, awful behaviour from an adult child can destroy even parental love.

I think it is, like you say, a concept. It doesn't have to apply to each person. If you abusive parents you're never going to have unconditional love for them. When you know you'd take a flying bullet for your child I think you could say it's unconditional. It might mean you'd be in a tight spot if they were to commit a bad crime, and could be responsible for you making poor decisions. It's not necessarily that noble, to my mind.

I had a dog who bit my child. She had left the house (to a safe place) within the hour & the rescue centre she went to wouldn’t let me see her once I had surrendered her but I was still distraught. She was still the dog I loved and she hadn’t bitten with what could be termed malice as a human concept. Of course, she couldn’t stay but I still loved her.

Unconditional love doesnt mean letting people treat you badly. It means loving someone for who they are,regardless of wealth, success, looks etc. Thats my interpretation anyway.

When I see people say on the likes of social media that they love their spouse unconditionally I always think to myself no you don’t.
I love my dh a lot but me continuing to love him does have conditions. Such as that he continues to be not abusive. His ongoing fidelity that sort of thing.
my dc I would say I do love them unconditionally I won’t stop loving them even if they do something horrid. I may not continue to support them unconditionally and I may not like them if they did something heinous but I can’t imagine that I would stop loving them.

Agree so much with OP. Meaningless virtue signalling word salad drivel. Why people feel the need to say this to others is always suspect imo. What are they trying to prove or impose.

When my dc was taken into care the urge to make sure they were still safe and cared for was strong. Worrying about bad things happening was horrific.. Even though they had done a bad thing to someone else... They have had to manage teen years and into adult without my love and care.. It really doesn't go away. I hope nobody else has to test this theory but they are still well loved they just don't know it. Can't imagjne how awful that is for them feeling unloved....

@YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun
thankyou for that explanation. I can see what you mean there and it makes sense in that context.

I mean the nearest I have for a frame of reference is having to cut off my brother due to his addiction and awful behaviours surrounding that.

We haven't spoken in maybe 10 years, but I get sad when I think about what he's become, when I hear he's been hurt or hospitalised or arrested I feel real pity and I hope he comes good one day. I wonder if I could have done anything to stop him going down that path....

I still love him for who he was, but I hate what he has become, but I still want the best for him too.

It's a confusing feeling, and not always easy, but it's possible to love someone awful and cut them out too.

I imagine it would be a similar but more intense feeling if it were my child doing awful things.

Can I ask out of genuine curiosity, those that say they would still love their child if they did something heinous, what would this mean or feel like.

When I think of my children now I sort of have a warm feeling and I want to act on it, so i want to protect them, nuture, help them out and I like to think they are happy when they are away from me.

I can't see that holding up for me in the horrific crime situ. At most I can imagine having some memories of better times and feeling a bit shit about what went wrong.

I'm not saying I'm right! Im worried im some sort of sociopath reading these replies I'm just trying to understand what love would mean.

Oh yes which is why i said “Unconditional love, conditional being in your life”. If my kids grew up to be child killers, I’d still love them but I’d want nothing to do with them

I think it's normal to love your children unconditionally but not your partner.

How

I love my children unconditionally but that's it. I will love them forever no matter what. IMO unconditional love should be for children only. It certainly shouldn't be for dogs or partners.

I love my dog SO much and am forever driving dh mad by going on about hos much I adore him. But if he harmed one of my kids he'd be gone and of course I wouldn't love him anymore. Thats healthy and normal.

I love dh more than I can say - he is amazing- but would I still love him if he hit me or cheated on me well no.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable to think that love should have boundaries. In fact, love without boundaries can sometimes allow unhealthy behaviors to go unchecked. Unconditional love often sounds like the ideal, but without limits, it can enable toxic relationships, where one person might take advantage of the other or fail to grow and take responsibility for their actions.. Boundaries aren’t about withdrawing love they’re about protecting both people’s well-being and fostering healthier, more respectful relationships. You can still love someone deeply and set limits that encourage accountability, personal growth, and mutual respect. So, no, you're not being unreasonable. Boundaries are essential for any relationship to thrive in a balanced, healthy way.

I am not sure if I love my children unconditionally, I only know that so far nothing has stopped me from loving them.

Yes, I would still love him, but I would rehome him, even if it broke my heart.

But a parent who didn't put up with horrible treatment would (probably) still love their child. Loving them unconditionally doesn't mean putting up with whatever they do.

I love my children unconditionally. That doesn't mean I'd support literally anything they did.

You can love your children unconditionally.
But not necessarily like what they're doing.

I love my kids unconditionally.

Even if they did something so heinous that I had to cut them off I would still love them.

I've always said that their love for me should be conditional on me being a good parent though.

Anyone else I've ever loved has been conditionally.

Ime even when a dc does something so despicable you can't be in their life it doesn't quash the love felt..
I wish my dc knew this.
Never got the chance to tell them...
Anyone else boundaries apply imo.