Teaching Assistant said...

Some people never learn phonics -yet can still read and write - others lap up phonics but never comprehend what they have read!

OP - why did you use a childminder? Did you have time to work and look after your child?

What a strange thing to get on your high horse about. I would talk to your child about 'why' she went to the childminder - so you could work - to have a house to live in? Buy food to eat? Have money for treats and holidays - I don't know.. why do you work..

This is not true. Some children just take to phonics and others cannot get on with them. It doesn’t matter if they went to pre school.

I don’t think even if she said this, it’s a big negative. Most children who don’t go to school nursery class it’s because their parents are working and need longer hours. She didn’t say oh your mummy and daddy didn’t care about you enough to look after you, she said you didn’t have time, which presumably is the truth.

Is there a language issue here? I can imagine someone who has learnt English saying something like this, meaning no offence, but just not understanding the nuance of what they are saying.

Yes. Favourite pastime of mine, watching minimum wage workers squirm because they might have said something clumsily to inadvertently offend you.

Just make sure you don't wear your best tiara while you lord it over the plebs - they might steal it!

I would be very surprised if the TA literally said this. Your daughter may not be lying, but children don't always understand, mishear, aren't listening and then fill in the blanks themselves.

A child once told their parent that I'd told them I'd smack them in the face, what I'd actually said was "oh, be careful with that, you don't want to smack yourself in the face" (They were whizzing wooden beads round on a string.)

You’re attaching a judgement value to her comment instead of taking it literally. She was most likely explaining how you and your partner had to work so hired a childminder as you didn’t have time to look after her (because you obviously had to work). Your child has inferred this as the TA saying you don't have time to look after her for some sort of neglectful/don’t like her reason instead of the absolute normal reason why people have childminders - because they have to work to put food on the table.

She’s a child, she’s young and interprets it like this. Just explain to her what the TA meant. Think about how you would explain to a child about why they have a childminder. It’s literally impossible to do without saying something along the lines of your parents work to earn for the family so don’t have the time to be at home with you.

That is essentially why people use childminders.

Because they think everyone who works in education is a perfect saint

It sounds like the TA said something, your daughter told her version and you've altered it to your own version here. You don't know the exact words. Maybe she did say something about not having time or being busy. How else do you explain it to young children? Apparently you tell her she was very happy in a weird way as if to convince her...

That's why mine went to a childminder though?

We both worked so they had to go to a CM. My youngest used to be dropped off in PJ's barely awake and none if then had breakfast until they got there etc. it was a bit rubbish for them and we always acknowledged that. They all knew that it was because Daddy works away and Mummy had to be at work early and that both of us worked hard so that they could have nice things and trips out etc.

They knew that when we were home and bit working, we happily looked after them and had more time at home with them ourselves.

The TA wasn't implying anything negative, just explaining the situation. She might use a CM herself even!

I didn't say it had an adverse effect on her education. Interesting that you jumped to that though, is that why you are feeling defensive about what the TA said?

If your genuine reason for choosing the childminder is a different reason from what the TA said, then just explain it to your child.

Oh god honestly who cares about this
People go to a childminder because their parents work ergo they don't have time to look after them
It's not worth even thinking about

This. Honestly why would you even bother.

OR - just leave it.

Do you want your dd to think that she was at the childminder because it was better for her education? Because it'll be obvious even to a 4yo that the ones from the preschool have a headstart on phonics.

My dd is aware she started reception with much less phonics knowledge than her classmates who went to the local prep school preschool. 4yos notice this stuff. (She's catching up amazingly, as we knew she would.)

I actually think that's not a bad explanation. (The wording might be off, but it's your dd's wording not the TA's.)

My dd goes to wraparound care 3dpw and doesn't particularly like it. It's very important to us that she understands that she goes because we're working, so can't look after her, not because we don't want to spend time with her. If either of us have an unexpected day off or relative visiting, we always pull her out of wraparound. So to my dd, she'd explain this the same as your dd, she's there because we can't look after her at that time. Ditto DS being at nursery.

What alternative explanation do you prefer...?

Sorry responded too fast. I'd think a misunderstanding but I would definitely ask the TA in person to see her reaction just in case.

I really don't think the TA said this.

Kids interpret things differently, she may have been upset but you just need to explain to her. I doubt very much it was meant maliciously or any need for your husband to be annoyed

Is it the type of preschool that is only open term time or does short hours? So anyone who needs regular childcare would use a childminder or nursery?

It would then make sense for the TA to say to DD that she probably went to childminder because Mummy & Daddy needed someone to take care of her. At least she suggested Daddy had a role in this! Just explain to DD, that yes, she went to the childminder because you were at work.

And if they did say it watch them squirm as they explain themselves to you

Very unlikely. I imagine there was a conversation about whether they went to nursery or not, some children may not have had any childcare at all, and the TA may have made a comment to try and reassure the children who did go to daycare that it's because mummy and daddy were busy at work