To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

Now there is so much focus on self, why would you invest in a relationship with another human being or, God forbid, have a child?

I just didn't want to sleep around for the sake of getting or having sex and potential pregnancies in nothing stable so waited while enjoying life and sure enough met my other half around 30 and 4 beautiful children and love him more than I did ten years ago

I was your DD in many ways aged 17 - but probably am more your age than hers! I definitely didn't want a boyfriend then, wasn't sure I wanted children (hadn't ever really thought about it) but wanted to be like Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect. Might well be partly environment - I was at a girls' school where nobody was particularly interested in a boyfriend then either.
I did end up with starting the career I want, but also accidentally met a bloke at uni going into the same career, and had our older son in our mid 20s. Now have 19 and 10 year old sons, am not at all like Jane Tennison, but do enjoy my work.

I'm the same age as you, roughly, and also moved in with DH when we were both at uni - but we travelled together for a couple of long trips, as well as independently. And had our first baby well under 30, very early in our careers, but after they had more or less got going. It's all swings and roundabouts - now mid 40s, our older son has just started uni, our younger son is 10, and lots of our professional friends and uni mates have toddlers and 5 year olds, and it's something of a relief to have moved beyond that stage!

The birth rate is dropping, and it’s projected to keep dropping. So yes a lot of people aren’t having kids. I think women realise they don’t have to have a family if they don’t want to. I think they realise what they are signing up for now. And the cost of living is going to put a lot of people off having kids.

DS has no end of women, well girls in late teens early twenties, throwing themselves at him but he is very cautious. He admits that he struggles with the rules of relationships and to be honest they are confusing. You can date, several people at a time, it can take months before your exclusive and the whole consent issue is a minefield so it’s often easier to avoid sex if you don’t know a girl really well.

Ultimately he has said he just wants to settle down, get married and have a family over the next decade.

It was so much easier when you just went out with someone, it usually meant you were exclusive and if it didn’t work out you went your separate ways.

DS’s says that girls give out such mixed messages now so it’s just easier to stay single. He has become close to a girl at home, which I think is his security blanket. He’s away at uni so it’s easier to play the girlfriend at home card to avoid offending girls he knows at uni.

We have had some interesting chats about it and he says that he prefers monogamy but it’s difficult to develop a monogamous relationship because women seem to have rewritten the rules. And consent is constantly used as a threat so it’s not worth the risk most of the time.

Growing up in the 1980s, we lived next door to a secondary school. I remember the teens walking past our house were often arm in arm...I've never seen that since.

When I was a teenager sex and relationships were everywhere in films, magazines, TV. Rom coms, advice on getting a relationship and sex tips in magazines, American TV shows where all the teens are in relationships. I'm not sure if that's still about as much or is it just mine aren't as interested but instead of magazines it's online games, films and TV shows are Marvel type with action rather than sex and romance. Even disney films have changed, I was watching Beauty and the Beast etc, now it's Moana, Encanto etc which aren't about romance and princesses. I do wonder if that plays a part in it

My view of it is young girls especially seem to know their worth , and not willing to put up with shit lads just to have a boyfriend.

my daughter age 17 seems to be very happy with not having a boyfriend, has no interest and no desire to have one .

at her age I was already in a year relationship with my husband 😳, and it was all my life revolved around.

although she’s always been great with babies and toddlers , she’s adamant she doesn’t want them ( I know this may well change in time , but I was definitely thinking about it by that point)

honestly the world is her oyster and she could do whatever she wants, even though she isn’t the most academically gifted, her choices are practically limitless.

I think it’s a great time to be a young woman.

im happy with my life, but I think having a man can sometimes limit your choices, even if you don’t realise at the time

living for yourself is enviable

I guess the divorce rate is 5050 so marriage isn’t what it was and I’ve never been married.

mum and stepdad together 30 years never married as have 4 divorces between them so know the drill.

things like naked attraction where any labia is seen as not neat or hair, so girls are probably more paranoid and yes a lot of men are now being called out or judged even good ones. I have a son who is mid teens and so far so good but I worry when the time comes he may be labelled as something he isn’t.

as for having kids, how can they afford to leave home let alone have kids and know what the bloody hard time and expectations their kids will have!

Immigration is going to bring about a cultural shift back to how things were. 2.4 children per woman.

It’s an issue now! Once the birth rate is well below deaths we have an aging population with fewer paying tax. That’s a massive problem!

Of course dc are put off. Look at the cost of housing! Men in particular won’t commit. Even when young people are in a settled relationship, they look at costs and nursery costs are frightening if both want work - or need to work. It’s inevitable a place to live and a better car will trump years of high childcare costs or loss of earnings.

Children are for the high earners or those with parents nearby for £0 childcare. Everyone else thinks very hard and the evidence is they are not having dc. Who can blame them?

When me and my friends were in our late teens/early twenties, we'd go out on the pull...I don't think they do that so much nowadays...they are just on apps and I imagine talking to strangers is seen as weird or dodgy. It's a shame in some ways...we used to have a good laugh. I also think it made men more confident and charming...if they wanted to meet a woman, they had to pluck up the courage to chat you up...now they just sit like cowards behind a screen.

I think that's a lot less snogging and exploration going on. Kids go out far far less and spent far more time on screens in a way I think it's quite sad. Obviously better than losing your virginity and some shitty field age 13 but being shut up in your bedroom on the next box every weekend is pretty sad.

Back in the day, women got married, stayed home and took care of the kids.

Now many men seem to expect women to earn almost as much doing as many hours so that its fair (but not emasculating), AND raise kids, AND work flexibly because the man earns just that bit more so he comes as goes as he pleases.

He is also 99% likely to be watching porn and I think women are thinking 🤔 I'd rather be alone than have everyone from my child (expected), husband, work and elderly parents to care for and putting pressures on their time. I suspect its why we have more one child families; women stopping when they realise how much work it is and how much the buck stops with them.

"I’m so glad things have changed for the better. "

Is it for the better though? I'm not sure it is.

The lower drinking levels obviously better. But the higher MH, less interaction, less relationships? No, I don't see that as better.

Totally agree. Definitely changing.

It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives.

Good. There is more to life than a romantic relationship and it can be dangerous to focus on one to the exclusion of all else.

Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children.

Again, I think these things are good. People should see it like that. It's much more realistic and healthy than seeing a partner as being "life's central joy".

I will say that I do think relationships of all kinds are a really important thing. But that includes friendships, other familial relationships, professional relationships, conversations with strangers etc. Romantic relationships and parent-child relationships are special. And they are included. But I also think that looking for a partner or having a child because you think it will make you happy is a bad reason to do it. Get together with someone because you enjoy their company and you like the way they make you feel, absolutely. Seek a long term partnership if that sounds like a way of life which would work well for you. Have a child because you want to have the experience of raising a child.

We are not all the same and we don't find the same things fulfilling. Some people want to travel the world, I don't. I wanted to have children, I recognise not everyone feels the same. We should talk about the hard things.

What a bright and interesting future we will have if the younger generation are interested in studying, careers and experiences and don't feel tied down by responsibility they never asked for or wanted. I think enough people will want relationships and families, in time, that it won't be an issue.

Parents have been getting older for quite a while though. I was born in the mid 80s and had much older parents than the other kids and the generation gap was huge. Whereas nowadays nobody would bat an eye at parents of that age.

To answer OP's question, I think the internet and social media have played a huge part. On the one hand it has opened up the world, but at the same time you don't need to leave your house to connect with people or entertain yourself.

A lot of the drinking, drugs, sex, etc, in previous generations were as a result of teens having nothing else to do.

Do teens/young adults still go to clubs etc and dance until the early hours as I did in the 90’s? Do they drink, do drugs and so on? I have no idea about any of it

I agree OP.

I had a steady boyfriend at 16, everyone in my circle did. In a working class area there wasn’t much else to occupy time other than boyfriends, drink, smoking, and occasional drug use. Also, my parents had been together since they were 17 and by the time I was 24 I was getting a lot of “when are we getting grandkids” questions, despite me being happily single and living with my friends.

My eldest is 19 and hasn’t yet shown any interest in a relationship, he does drink and go out occasionally but is keen on his studies and has much more wholesome hobbies than I did. DD is 17 and is the same, she did have a boyfriend in year 11 but nothing since.

They’ve had a different upbringing than I did and are somehow simultaneously much more mature and sophisticated, yet younger and less worldly wise . All in all it’s much healthier, and DH and I frequently chat about how very different our 1990s teenage weekends were!

When I look at both sides of my family all bar one of my grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles etc were married with kids somewhere in their 20s. The one exception never married or had children.

My generation - siblings, ex husbands siblings, cousins on both sides etc. All ages 38-45. 4 with kids, 7 without. But most have partners or spouses.

I expect the younger generation will be even less likely to have children.

Im gonna throw another point out here but im in my 30s but I had/have older parents like considerably older than others my age. Could the fact that parents have been getting younger over a number of years play a part? My view was always kind of you find the right guy settle down get married have kids, work and look after home sort of thing, Although I did this all upside and back to front 🤣. I also think the amount of DV /coercive control going on these days is to another level which if your lucky enough to escape then you dont want to risk being trapped in the same thing again because its so damaging. X

In my friendship group we all said that, we also all travelled and saw the world. We all have had children. I think there are more trad women now than ever, it is regressive rather than progressive and there are limitations.

I have one older teen and they, (friends) definitely go out, they drink in pubs and some have girlfriends.