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Original poster

Annoyed at being told to drive safe

114 replies

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 14:50

So I've got a male freind who I've only known a few months, we message a bit but nothing more than freinds. I've just been away on a bit of a trip in my car to visit family and he's sent messages telling me to drive safe, asking if I've arrived safely, telling me about the state of the roads, etc. He checked in asking if I had a nice day, and if I was ok, I messaged him to say I had a lovely time visiting my family and I'm heading back now, all he said was 'drive safe please'

Now I don't know if he's a worrier (doesn't seem to be in person), or if he's just being nice but it's starting to grate on me. I hate being told to 'drive safe' or 'be safe' as if I'm just driving around like a lunatic all the time. My mum has always said similar to me whenever I went out, but thats different, mums worry. Plus I've known this man all of 5 minutes really, it just seems OTT

Anyway does if grate on anyone else being told to be careful/safe when just goin about normal daily life?

OP posts:
Vitriolinsanity · 01/02/2025 19:33

Thinking about it, what I actually say is "mind the road, don't get squashed like a hedgehog".

He eyerolls every morning.

GinToBegin · 01/02/2025 19:33

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 16:40

From a DP or DH yes it is, from a man I barely know though?

Show quote history

It’s a courtesy, a nicety, a little touch of human interaction. Unclench a bit, accept it for what it is and move on with your life.

Vitriolinsanity · 01/02/2025 19:31

I tell my DS17 to mind the roads every single morning. It's just a thing you say to someone you care about.

scalt · 01/02/2025 19:28

Remember when Mumsnetters used to froth about people saying “stay safe” in 2020 and 2021?

It’s all about the way it’s said. As an off handed remark: fine. Said in a concerned tone every time, with a head tilt and worried look in eyes: not so fine.

LlynTegid · 01/02/2025 19:26

About 25% of those behind the wheel for one reason or another should not have a licence, some of them it should be temporary, others for ever. Many because of their conduct whilst behind the wheel.

Over 1600 people were killed last year in road crashes (I don't use the word accident, as many are avoidable with simple changes to the way some people drive).

I am not offended if someone wants me to do my utmost not to add to that death toll.

SmileEachDay · 01/02/2025 19:25

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

Edited

Snippy, OP.

Topseyt123 · 01/02/2025 19:21

Your title does say that you are annoyed by it, so that's quite likely why people think that you have taken offence. It does sound that way.

It wouldn't occur to me to be at all bothered by anyone who said this. Even if they were just a friend.

I said it to my DH twice today, and to two of my DDs too. Perhaps they should be annoyed with me. 🙄😃 They don't seem to be though.

TeaAndTattoos · 01/02/2025 19:13

He’s just being nice that’s all he’s not saying it because he thinks your a terrible driver there are a lot of idiots on the roads you can drive as safely as you like but it doesn’t mean that the car behind you is a safe driver. I tell
my DH to be careful and get home safely and he’s on a bicycle I say the same thing to my mum and ask her to message me when she gets home I don’t for one minute think she’s a bad driver I just care about her and want her to get home safely my mum says the same thing to me and I only get the bus everywhere.

AnnaAkhmatova · 01/02/2025 19:02

I'd find it a bit smothering.

It's the sort of thing I might say if someone I was close to had a really long solo journey or the weather was atrocious. But I'd be more likely to say something like 'I hope you don't get held up.' Or 'let me know when you get home.'

People now seem to be more into constantly monitoring each other - eg trackers on the phone. I prefer to give - and be given - a bit more space.

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 01/02/2025 18:51

@BreezySqueazy Yeah they start thinking you must mean they need all the luck they can get etc. Life is too short to feel so offended, negative and sensitive.

GottaShiftThesePounds · 01/02/2025 18:45

My nan used to always say this to everyone . I miss it.

Brefugee · 01/02/2025 18:43

My DH always says it to me. It's just one of those meaningless things like "wrap up warm".

I always reply "no I'm going to drive like a maniac as usual" and that is that.

Wonderi · 01/02/2025 18:41

People always tell me to drive safely and vice versa.

Its the same as have a nice day, have a nice evening out, have a safe flight, get home safely etc.

This is definitely a you issue.

Sounds as though perhaps you just don’t want to be his friend anymore.

BreezySqueazy · 01/02/2025 18:10

Disturbia81 · 01/02/2025 18:06

I think of you took away all these little phrases and social niceities we wouldn't be saying much, they make up a lot of our interactions and it's lovely.
Even just "take care", the mortally offended would have something to say about that

As a tangent I was in a shop where the shop assistant was telling me all about her upcoming exam, as I left I said “good luck with your exam” and she gave me the most filthy offended look! So even “good luck “ seems to be offensive to some!

Disturbia81 · 01/02/2025 18:06

I think of you took away all these little phrases and social niceities we wouldn't be saying much, they make up a lot of our interactions and it's lovely.
Even just "take care", the mortally offended would have something to say about that

BreezySqueazy · 01/02/2025 17:30

As others have said, I don’t see the problem either.
I would say it, the same way as if someone was flying somewhere etc and I would say ‘have a safe flight’, it’s just something people say.
There is no offence intended in it. I would only understand your viewpoint if he worded it as ‘try not to crash!’ - only then would he be implying he thinks you are a shit driver!

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/02/2025 17:28

It’s just a nice thing to say.

you are massively overthinking this

CrushingOnRubies · 01/02/2025 17:27

See drive safe is term of endearment. See also take care go safe

It's the please at the end of his message that id be annoyed about. Like it's condescending somehow

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 01/02/2025 17:27

I totally get that its just polite small talk but the facetious side of me wants to reply "No i won't, il drive like a maniac 😂".

Its like when DC aren't well and people always say "Just keep an eye on them" duh no shit sherlock that's generally what we do all day every day 😂.

Lavenderblossoms · 01/02/2025 17:26

My female friends say this to me. They are just hoping I get home safe don't over think it.

rach7979 · 01/02/2025 17:24

Maybe you should have a friend who's doesn't GAF!

Dramatic · 01/02/2025 17:18

Perfectly normal thing to say, my husband works away and I say it to him every time he leaves.

OneTC · 01/02/2025 17:16

I know someone, not a very close friend, any time we say goodbye he will tell us to "ride safe"

It's just something people say, not offensive or annoying to me

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 16:40

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 01/02/2025 15:41

Top dollar unreasonable behaviour from you OP.

It's just a kindly phrase, like saying "have a safe flight".

I drive a lot for work, and DH always says drive safely. I do the same when he has a long drove.

It's caring and thoughtful.

From a DP or DH yes it is, from a man I barely know though?

OP posts:
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