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Original poster

Annoyed at being told to drive safe

114 replies

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 14:50

So I've got a male freind who I've only known a few months, we message a bit but nothing more than freinds. I've just been away on a bit of a trip in my car to visit family and he's sent messages telling me to drive safe, asking if I've arrived safely, telling me about the state of the roads, etc. He checked in asking if I had a nice day, and if I was ok, I messaged him to say I had a lovely time visiting my family and I'm heading back now, all he said was 'drive safe please'

Now I don't know if he's a worrier (doesn't seem to be in person), or if he's just being nice but it's starting to grate on me. I hate being told to 'drive safe' or 'be safe' as if I'm just driving around like a lunatic all the time. My mum has always said similar to me whenever I went out, but thats different, mums worry. Plus I've known this man all of 5 minutes really, it just seems OTT

Anyway does if grate on anyone else being told to be careful/safe when just goin about normal daily life?

OP posts:
Daschund1 · 02/02/2025 07:27

Really? That's batshit..you, not him.
I said, 'safe flight,' to DD yesterday, she isn't the one flying the plane. Surely you recognise it as a term of endearment.

rwalker · 02/02/2025 07:21

Gloriainextremis · 01/02/2025 22:54

No, the OP isn't overthinking this. He's not contacting her afterwards and saying 'journey okay then?' which would be a normal thing to do, he's continuing to ask whether she drove safely or not. 'Drive safe please' is an instruction you give to someone you don't trust to do so otherwise.

Show quote history

I’ve said it loads of times never follow it up also its not based on what I perceive there level of competence as a driver
it’s a casual comment

but you can twist it to fit any narrative if you are looking to be deliberately offended

Joe7t8 · 02/02/2025 00:27

I’m with the OP here. A throw-away drive safe comment is fine and would be normal interaction, but it’s more than that and I can see why it’s annoying.

Bloke clearly wants to be more than friends and sounds a bit overbearing and slightly stalky. I’d stop messaging him back. You don’t have any obligations to let him know your whereabouts.

Gloriainextremis · 01/02/2025 22:54

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No, the OP isn't overthinking this. He's not contacting her afterwards and saying 'journey okay then?' which would be a normal thing to do, he's continuing to ask whether she drove safely or not. 'Drive safe please' is an instruction you give to someone you don't trust to do so otherwise.

brunettemic · 01/02/2025 22:39

Are you trying get offended on purpose? Honestly.

Rachmorr57 · 01/02/2025 22:39

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Gloriainextremis · 01/02/2025 22:33

Similar @LillyPJ - we had a male relative (long since passed) who would always insist on coming out of his house to give directions, waving me out and this way and that as I reversed out of his driveway (into a deserted side street, not a main road) when we were leaving. He never used to do it when DH was driving. Confused

LillyPJ · 01/02/2025 22:24

Some people just say things out of habit, like 'Take care' or 'Look after yourself'. But I understand your annoyance. I had a (male) friend who used to tell me when it was safe to cross the road (I was over 50 at the time!) He said he did the same with his male friends but I'm not sure I believed him. I told him to stop it and he did.

Gloriainextremis · 01/02/2025 22:24

I get you @Tillybud81 and I'm surprised so many people think it is just kindness and him caring about you. It goes beyond that.

It would annoy me too, especially the 'please' at the end of 'drive safely please', because it gives the distinct impression that he thinks you are a terrible driver and incapable of driving safely unless he tells you to, and then he feels the need to check afterwards that you did as you were told. It is really patronising.

Rachmorr57 · 01/02/2025 22:05

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Topseyt123 · 01/02/2025 21:59

RosesAndHellebores · 01/02/2025 20:36

As a pp has said, "drive safe" would be a deal breaker for me. It should be drive safely. I couldn't stick such poor grammar and the potential partner would not become one.

DH and I regularly tell each other to drive safely. I regularly tell the grown up DC to stay safe.

Agreed. That would be the only thing that might irritate me about this. Drive safely is what I actually say.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/02/2025 20:48

I'm far too nosey to just distance. I'd have to know WHY he does it. I think one of the following might get a response:

"Have you been having premonitions or something?" (or if you just want rid eventually go with "do you see dead people?")

or

"Well, pf course I'll try. But my oil light keeps coming on even though I keep filling it up, and lately I've found I really have to press hard on the brakes. Not to mention the fact that I think my front left tyre is a bit bald. I must get that seen to... But I've just renewed my car insurance so it'll be reet."

MargaretThursday · 01/02/2025 20:47

It's a standard expression. "Take care" or "Drive safely". I'd say it to dh, my dc, my colleagues if they were doing a long journey.

What I don't get is the signs that say:

"Welcome to Little Villageinthemiddleofnowhere. Please drive carefully."

Has anyone ever seen those signs and thought: "I was going to drive carelessly, but now I've seen those signs I won't"?

Londonrach1 · 01/02/2025 20:36

Yabu. It's what surely everyone says ...it's means someone cares about you. I certainly say it and I hear it said all the time. It's not about anyone's driving it's about hoping the drive is event less and safe....

RosesAndHellebores · 01/02/2025 20:36

As a pp has said, "drive safe" would be a deal breaker for me. It should be drive safely. I couldn't stick such poor grammar and the potential partner would not become one.

DH and I regularly tell each other to drive safely. I regularly tell the grown up DC to stay safe.

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 20:34

Sorry all, I think I just wanted a rant about him, he's definitely not just being nice though and I think I know that deep down. There's more to him and I think that’s why he's never been more than acquaintance, time to distance

And just to clarify I didn't take his comment as a criticism of my driving, because ironically he doesn't know me well enough to have any idea how I drive, just an irritation of a level of care I don't actually believe is genuine (it feels like lovebombing)

Anyway thanks for all the replies that I'm an ungrateful cow (joking..I'm joking) I'll take it on board

OP posts:
AnnaAkhmatova · 01/02/2025 20:31

I would only go out with someone who uses adverbs properly.

zeroherox · 01/02/2025 20:25

I think it's their way of showing they care, possibly more than you realise.

Normally if someone says this to me I say jokingly I will (drive carefully) it's everyone else! To lighten the serious mood.

I don't think it's a criticism or anything negative, the opposite infact.

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 20:08

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/02/2025 19:42

Hmmmm, I think a lot of things annoy you OP 🤔

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Yes they do, people comparing an acquaintance saying this to me several times in two days to them saying it to their DP/DH/DC and so forth is quite irritating.

I really can't imagine anyone on here texting someone they barely know the literal and only 3 words of 'drive safe please'

OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/02/2025 19:42

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

Edited

Hmmmm, I think a lot of things annoy you OP 🤔

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 01/02/2025 19:42

Tell him it irritates you

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 01/02/2025 19:41

I think it's one of those meaningless pleasantries really.

You could always say well, I was planning to drive 90 and have a good game of whack a granny but now you've said that...

If he's got a sense of humour that is.

Disturbia81 · 01/02/2025 19:39

Usernamesarenoteasy · 01/02/2025 19:35

I say it to my teenager every single time they leave the house to drive anywhere.
If I don't say it, they stand there and wait and remind me until I do!

That's so sweet!

BringOnFebBankHoliday · 01/02/2025 19:38

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

Edited

If he's someone you barely know just drop him. He's obviously not your kind of person.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 01/02/2025 19:35

I say it to my teenager every single time they leave the house to drive anywhere.
If I don't say it, they stand there and wait and remind me until I do!

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