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Original poster

Annoyed at being told to drive safe

114 replies

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 14:50

So I've got a male freind who I've only known a few months, we message a bit but nothing more than freinds. I've just been away on a bit of a trip in my car to visit family and he's sent messages telling me to drive safe, asking if I've arrived safely, telling me about the state of the roads, etc. He checked in asking if I had a nice day, and if I was ok, I messaged him to say I had a lovely time visiting my family and I'm heading back now, all he said was 'drive safe please'

Now I don't know if he's a worrier (doesn't seem to be in person), or if he's just being nice but it's starting to grate on me. I hate being told to 'drive safe' or 'be safe' as if I'm just driving around like a lunatic all the time. My mum has always said similar to me whenever I went out, but thats different, mums worry. Plus I've known this man all of 5 minutes really, it just seems OTT

Anyway does if grate on anyone else being told to be careful/safe when just goin about normal daily life?

OP posts:
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Joe7t8 · 02/02/2025 20:58

Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 09:19

Yes I think you've nailed it, it feels possessive almost

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i genuinely would stop messaging him. Getting this possessive over you after such a short time in a non-romantic relationship is never going to end well, especially when you meet a man you might actually want to get involved with in that way.

LillyPJ · 02/02/2025 18:03

Daschund1 · 02/02/2025 07:27

Really? That's batshit..you, not him.
I said, 'safe flight,' to DD yesterday, she isn't the one flying the plane. Surely you recognise it as a term of endearment.

Wishing someone a safe flight or a safe journey is not the same as instructing them to fly/drive safely!

XWKD · 02/02/2025 14:02

I always tell people to "drive safe", "stay safe", "take care", "mind yourself"...

I must be so offensive.

argyllherewecome · 02/02/2025 13:58

I say this to absolutely anyone I part ways with, no idea why, it's something I grew up hearing. It has absolutely no bearing on their sex, competency, perceived ownership of them.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/02/2025 13:55

Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 09:19

Yes I think you've nailed it, it feels possessive almost

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He seems very keen to be on your radar, which he is now, but not in a good way! A romantic interest in you, perhaps? Would you be interested/available?

TorroFerney · 02/02/2025 11:49

Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 08:41

Purely on messages, not in person, and very randomly sent not just after a whole conversation? Oh and 7 times in 3 days?

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I would be thinking he is a bit dim and has no conversation.

LostMyLanyard · 02/02/2025 10:18

Get yourself some shitter friends OP. Nice friends clearly irritate you 👌🏻

MrsClatterbuck · 02/02/2025 09:30

Get where you are coming from. I do say to visitors leaving "safe home" but dh and I don't say this at all to each other. 8 times in a few days is definitely excessive and that would annoy me and would get my back up tbh.

Agix · 02/02/2025 09:22

Has he always done it? If he's always done it, it might be normal for him in his life to say that.

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 09:19

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/02/2025 09:04

Is he freaking you out a bit by seeming kind of possessive, as though he has the right to keep an eye on you? That is weird from someone you hardly know.

Yes I think you've nailed it, it feels possessive almost

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/02/2025 09:04

Is he freaking you out a bit by seeming kind of possessive, as though he has the right to keep an eye on you? That is weird from someone you hardly know.

JMSA · 02/02/2025 08:43

But if you're feeling smothered by him generally, I can see how it would grate!

JMSA · 02/02/2025 08:42

It's just something that people say. Maybe next time reply with 'I always do.'

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 08:42

Livelaughlurgy · 02/02/2025 08:30

He's not Irish is he?

No, not sure about his family though

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 08:41

soupyspoon · 02/02/2025 08:38

Surely its applicable to people that are acquaintances even more so than people you're close to as its an easy, non personal thing to say to someone, like a social verbal tic

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Purely on messages, not in person, and very randomly sent not just after a whole conversation? Oh and 7 times in 3 days?

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 02/02/2025 08:38

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 20:08

Yes they do, people comparing an acquaintance saying this to me several times in two days to them saying it to their DP/DH/DC and so forth is quite irritating.

I really can't imagine anyone on here texting someone they barely know the literal and only 3 words of 'drive safe please'

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Surely its applicable to people that are acquaintances even more so than people you're close to as its an easy, non personal thing to say to someone, like a social verbal tic

wfhwfh · 02/02/2025 08:32

Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 08:26

Thank you, someone finally gets it!!

All these people calling me batshit cos their DH says it to them all the time, that's lovely but he's not my DH is he?

And no I don't know him well enough to know he hasn't had some trauma before involving driving or travelling, but this is kind of the point I'm trying to make

Just looking back at his messages, in the space of 3 days I had messages with safe/safely in them 7 times, and I only sent him 8 messges in that times. Bit much no?

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I totally get you, OP! This is established male dating behaviour when they want to “develop” a friendship - I recognised it immediately as I’ve seen it multiple times.

It’s hard to explain if someone hasn’t seen it before - maybe because they have been married for a long time.

It’s not bad behaviour necessarily but it is manipulative in the sense that it is designed to provoke a certain reaction in you. Maybe ive experienced it more times than im aware of and sometimes its worked. But, you are very conscious of it when it isn’t working as it feels a bit oppressive. It’s also hard to call out without looking unkind. I’d just ignore all those particular types of messages.

Livelaughlurgy · 02/02/2025 08:30

He's not Irish is he?

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 02/02/2025 08:26

wfhwfh · 02/02/2025 08:01

Hi OP,

I’ve seen this happening a good few times - a male friend starts being overly concerned about your welfare and asking for texts when you arrive somewhere/get home from a night out (that they’re not on).

He definitely wants more than friends and it is grating when you don’t. It feels a bit entitled and possessive - as if you have suddenly become precious just because they’ve taken a fancy to you. Or as if they’ve read a book that women like that sort of “protective” male behaviour (even though they’re not actually doing anything to protect you - just demanding texts).

It’s totally different than when the same is done by a parent or partner who genuinely loves you and so feels genuine concern. The behaviour OP is doing is to get a (positive) reaction from her.

The best way I judge if it’s out-of-line is I think “Could I do the same to a male friend or would they find it weird”. If the answer is “No” and “Yes” and I don’t want anything romantic with the guy, I just ignore the texts.

Thank you, someone finally gets it!!

All these people calling me batshit cos their DH says it to them all the time, that's lovely but he's not my DH is he?

And no I don't know him well enough to know he hasn't had some trauma before involving driving or travelling, but this is kind of the point I'm trying to make

Just looking back at his messages, in the space of 3 days I had messages with safe/safely in them 7 times, and I only sent him 8 messges in that times. Bit much no?

OP posts:
wfhwfh · 02/02/2025 08:01

Hi OP,

I’ve seen this happening a good few times - a male friend starts being overly concerned about your welfare and asking for texts when you arrive somewhere/get home from a night out (that they’re not on).

He definitely wants more than friends and it is grating when you don’t. It feels a bit entitled and possessive - as if you have suddenly become precious just because they’ve taken a fancy to you. Or as if they’ve read a book that women like that sort of “protective” male behaviour (even though they’re not actually doing anything to protect you - just demanding texts).

It’s totally different than when the same is done by a parent or partner who genuinely loves you and so feels genuine concern. The behaviour OP is doing is to get a (positive) reaction from her.

The best way I judge if it’s out-of-line is I think “Could I do the same to a male friend or would they find it weird”. If the answer is “No” and “Yes” and I don’t want anything romantic with the guy, I just ignore the texts.

Sossijiz · 02/02/2025 07:53

Message back "how do you think I'm going to drive, you idiot?"

Ghostofallnightmares · 02/02/2025 07:34

To be honest OP , the bad grammar would get me in the end too!

Smashandflab · 02/02/2025 07:33

@Tillybud81 how well do you know him after a few months? I’m wondering if maybe he has anxiety driving himself, been in an accident, or could he have lost someone close to him in an RTA? His concern seems higher than average, maybe there’s a traumatic event that’s caused it. I lost a family member to an accident and I know I’m probably someone who displays the same level of concern.

Daschund1 · 02/02/2025 07:31

Joe7t8 · 02/02/2025 00:27

I’m with the OP here. A throw-away drive safe comment is fine and would be normal interaction, but it’s more than that and I can see why it’s annoying.

Bloke clearly wants to be more than friends and sounds a bit overbearing and slightly stalky. I’d stop messaging him back. You don’t have any obligations to let him know your whereabouts.

Even if he fancies her I'd interpret that as a way of continuing the conversation, not questioning her driving because she's a woman.

TorroFerney · 02/02/2025 07:28

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 16:34

Ok not sure where people have the offence thing from, I didn't say I was offended by it! And certainly don't feel it's a man V woman/misogyny thing (people really will see that anywhere won't they) Just irritated that it was literally the only thing he said to me when I'd responded to him about my nice time with my family.

Just drive safe please! Then followed-up by have you made it safely back? He's not actually asked me anything about my time away.

If it was a message followed by have a safe journey back it wouldn't be half as bad IMO. I don't think I've quite conveyed the amount of times he's said to be safe, drive safe, are you Ok?

It's obviously just me then

Drive safe please makes it sound slightly odd, the please I mean. Has he had someone die in a car crash? Did you get back safely is odd, no Dave I'm actually dead and talking to you from heaven. They are like terminating cliches, saying stuff for the sake of it and not really caring about the answer, just a thing to say - can he do proper conversation? I am sensitive to this as my mother does the terminating cliche thing.