To call in sick after this happened

At this point, I’d be asking the GP to sign me off for at least a week for stress and tell your employer that it was caused by bereavement and the stress of not being able to say goodbye. How archaic to think a friend isn’t as good as family - I have friends that are closer than many family members! Your employers sound like dicks and my loyalty would severely wane after that response.

Call in sick with a Migraine. They will never be able to prove otherwise.

Don't call in sick on the day.

Go off sick now and go to the funeral. It's really poor treatment for a dedicated employee of 20 years.

Read the OP?

Ask for unpaid day off. If they still say no I think I would just take the day off anyway and take whatever disciplinary action they propose.

I remember being in work and something similar happened. A guy didn't show up for his shift, called in sick, it was the day of an exam and his manager hadn't allowed him swop shifts or take holidays. The senior manager went mental because we were left short, he was of the opinion any moron could anticipate someone would pick an exam over work and clearly we were going to be short that day, the line manager should have given the day and organised backfill. It's just short sighted.

Another who would do this.

Of course, I do acknowledge, it is easier to be bolshy and stand up for yourself if you are not really dependent on that job. I probably wouldn't have done this when I was young, with a big mortgage.

Are you sure you really want to stay working for an organization that treats its employees so badly?

That's exactly how my company is (a so called ethical, caring, worldwide one) , they would do the same, and I wouldn't be able to take it as annual leave, because, get this, AL has to be booked A YEAR AND A HALF in advance. Yep. One of the many reasons I'm jobhunting after six years there. And it's min wage retail, so it's gobsmacking really.

This, and then start looking for another job.

What have I just read🥲 That is shocking, I would be looking for a new job. I would be off sick for a fortnight with that shite behaviour.

I’m wondering if OP would get full sick pay either if she has such a crap employer.

I'd go off sick immediately with stress/depression, and not come back for at least a month. Say you've been struggling for a while, your friend's death got you down and then you had a panic attack.
screw them, if this is the way they treat you. It's not even as if they are struggling to cover your shift, if you were booked on training you wouldn't have been working anyway.
they could have had minimum inconvenience, just you doing a training session slightly later, now they get the maximum
seriously why are some employers like this? It's always the hard workers who do everything possible that get shafted, but I bet there are some shirkers that take a few days off every other month.

This. Call sick and go

If it was the funeral of someone close and your mental health at not being able to attend was so poor you were in distress, then it's not a lie to call in sick.

I would hope it wouldn't come to it and unpaid leave or annual leave might be an option they and you prefer but I honestly think they are being totally unreasonable.

I'm sorry for your loss and that you're having all this hassle.

I think the answer is
"I have requested the day to attend a funeral of a very close friend. This is central to my mental health. You have told me that you will not sanction it being taken as annual leave. Therefore, I assume that it will be put down as unpaid leave. I am really disappointed that this is your response against my many years of service and flexibility on my part. But so be it. "
I would take the day you need for the funeral as unpaid. If you are paid sick, I would leave it a week or 2 and take a weeks sick leave. I would also end flexibility on my part.

Your employer is absolutely shocking.
Shameful behaviour.
Call in sick 2 days before and take a week off.
Your great attendance record obviously counts for nothing
Fuck them!!

What exactly is your job? Is it a hospital or emergency service? If not I’d leave OP that’s no way to be working

I had to urgently take one of my DC to hospital and then look after them the day after. My employee later said I had to take it as unpaid leave, leaving me short. They wouldn’t even let me make the time up.

Out of my dept. Of 20, I am the only person who has not been off sick in the past 18 months. I haven’t seen one of my colleagues for 2 years, another for a year, 2 others have had the last 3 months off, and now are on holiday.

I will never, ever, take the hit on my pay, or annual leave again. If I have an emergency, my DC needs me to be home for whatever reason, I'm calling in sick. I’ll use up my sick quota (the amount you can have off before it’s an issue, and even then it’s not as my colleagues have all shown) on days when I know it’s going to be tricky for me, and I’ll do it guilt free.

This

so what if they discipline you. A day unauthorised absence looks better than lying to say you’re sick on a day you were signed off for

They could easily swap other colleagues around so you could attend a different course. I would put it all in writing, including how you have worked for 20 years, have been loyal, have shown a willingness to attend the course at another time, or swap with others. I would set out again what you have done and explain the impact of your close friend's death upon you. Lay it on thick. If they still refuse, just go, take a few days off sick and look for a new job.

If they won't allow compassionate leave that's fine / dud you say NGS? There's a specific protocol for that on the Intranet. However you can take annual or unpaid leave.
If they don't allow that I would take it to higher management and complain.

This

That is terrible. I'd ask them if this is how they treat staff who don't have time off.
I'd let you have it off with pay.

This