To call in sick after this happened

I lost a friend dear to me a couple of years ago and was point blank refused leave or swaps for the funeral.
Honestly, it still bothers me that I didn't go. If the situation were to arise again, I wouldn't ring in sick but stand my ground, and say that I'm going to the funeral, I've offered these options as alternatives, and take the disciplinary for a days unauthorised leave, rather than try to defend lying about being off sick.
You can't really defend ringing in sick, they'll know, and they'll take you to task over the lying rather than the absence. I'd rather defend the unauthorised absence with the facts about the situation tbh, because I wouldn't feel I had any defence for ringing in sick on a day that they knew I'd already been denied leave.
I'd also be pointing out how obviously important it was for me to attend, given that I'm willing to face the disciplinary rather than not going, which should give them insight into how this situation was affecting me.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Do you need the job OP? Or can you afford to quit/get sacked?

Taking the day off anyway when you’ve been refused could be classed as gross misconduct - which is a sackable offence.

I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest, your employer sounds extremely uncaring. But you need to appreciate what the consequences might be before making a decision.

I would probably self-certify with a D&V bug for a couple of days. They might be suspicious but they can’t disprove your illness so as long as you stick to your story you’ll be fine.

But I’d absolutely be looking for another job.

I worked for a company for 17 years and was only off sick once when I had a miscarriage. Long hours, even when I was pregnant with twins I was sometimes in the office until 10pm at night (manager). I gave so much to them but when I needed some flexibility in return - nada. These big companies don’t give a shit about their employees. In a few years time no one will give a shit that you took a dodgy sick day. It won’t burn into your conscience forever. But missing your friend’s funeral might. That’s what’s important in life.

I’m very sorry for your situation. I think your employer is being entirely unreasonable. I’m not sure of the advisability or not of calling in sick for a day/few days from an employment perspective. However, please don’t involve your GP in this (unless of course you genuinely are in need of GP support) - I know you didn’t mention doing this but several posters have and it’s not a good or appropriate use of GP time.

All those advocating a sick note, you do realise that GPs are stretched enough with time wasters without adding to their workload and potentially depriving someone else of an appointment that is actually needed.

Don't lie - uding a sick day for a reason other than sickness would be gross misconduct and a stackable offense.

Call their bluff. Put it in writing that attending this funeral is more important to you than this job and if they can't accommodate a swap in training course days to facilitate it then you will resign (in which case it is fine for you to go to the funeral as you don't need the training), but that you will be very happy to stay and continue to be one of their best employees if they can be flexible. A job is just a job, it's not who you are. The friendships and the people we love are more important.

I also agree with calling in sick a day or so before and getting a sick note if necessary.

A old dear friend works in a school, when my mother died (who friend had known her entire life and was extremely close to) school refused leave. As it happened friend had emergency surgery and was still signed off from that so did attend. She said going forward she would lie and say grandparent if faced with that situation again..

Honestly, in your situation I’d take the week off, self certify and tell them you’re struggling with your mental health and anxiety because of this death. I’d personally then go to the GP and get them to sign you off for a second week purely because then if they were to try and take any sort of disciplinary action against you they’d not have a single leg to stand on. You have indisputable evidence you were struggling with your mental health and that is completely reasonable grounds on which to use sick leave. If you go to the funeral in that time there’s nothing they can do about that. Use the rest of the time to enjoy yourself and consider deeply what absolute shits your company are to treat you this way after such a long and steadfast service!

It's clearly not for any reason.

Don't lie.
I'd rather face a disciplinary for not turning up (after telling them) than for falsifying sick leave.

How awful and unfeeling of them.

Can you find other work? I would be looking for a new job. How heartless of them.

I am aghast at the responses suggesting OP do this. What sort of a country do you live in that GPs sign people off so readily? No wonder the UK has issues.

Having said that, nowhere I have ever worked would turn down a request to attend a funeral.

I am amazed and appalled at the way you're being treated.

I hope you go to the funeral.

I hope you start looking for another job.

It's disgusting when employers do this OP. I hope you get it sorted. Please accept my condolences

Or resign

Honestly life is short and precious, as I can imagine you are very aware right now OP. Call in sick and take the following day as well. Don't feel guilty.

OP isn’t sick with stress. She hasn’t mentioned being unable to function. She just needs a day off - that is not what sick notes are for.

Please don’t make it harder for people who genuinely suffer with disabling mental health to be believed and taken seriously.

Can you change jobs? They sound awful to work for

I thought she'd asked for special/ compassionate leave and then to swap the course day.

For clarity OP have they declined annual leave and unpaid leave ie are they saying it's mandatory that you come in on that day no matter what?

why low life's? OP is going through a significant loss and their work isn't allowing them to take time off for it? Having two weeks signed off will take the stress off and considering OP has been a model employee and barely taken any period off while working there, it's a good chance to reset and decide if staying working for an employer like that is worth it.

I cannot stress this enough, EMPLOYERS DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! You are just a number to them.

All the low life’s suggesting OP lies to get a sick note 😂😂🙈😂😂

It will not go unnoticed that you are “sick” on the day you asked to have off. It’s unfortunate it’s also a training day as that will have helped the date of the funeral stick in their minds.

I think you need to accept that you cannot attend the funeral. Perhaps you could watch on Zoom or attend the gathering afterwards if the times work.

Don't call in sick with some random illness, call in sick with stress due to bereavement. Do this straight away and don't go back until a few days/ week after the funeral. Doctor will sign you off if you explain you're not coping.