What would you do in my situation?

I don’t think you can say yes if your DH doesn’t agree. This website is littered with posts about “DH did this and I didn’t agree” and “DP did that when I said we can’t” and something that big of an undertaking has to be by mutual agreement.

This 🙏

Im willing to commit and allow him to move in with him whilst we get him back on his feet.

Presumably there is a typo as it says 'move in with him'?

I wasn't sure if you meant you were going to move in with him- or him into your house?

If you want him to move in with your family I don't think it's a good idea.

It will change the dynamics and not great for your kids.

Support him in other ways?

As the sibling of an addict , don't move him in with your children. I'd be slow to believe his story about why he walked out of the rehab as well . Don't inflict this chaos on your children, no child needs to be around an addict and you've no idea what you are doing. It's time he learned the consequences of his actions and all around him need to stop enabling him. He walked out when he knew he'd no where to go , so it's up to him to figure it out. That's life!

But I think if we both pull together and support him we could do it.

Who are the both here?

If he is homeless doesn’t the council have a duty to put him up somewhere? Ask Shelter, his GP, etc for guidance too. Can he stay with your mum? I wouldn’t have him home if it was me, no. If I was single maybe, but you have kids and a husband who (understandably) isn’t on board - defo not fair on them. I’m sorry op, it sounds awful and you are clearly a caring sister but he needs to do this for himself (and he chose to leave rehab, and the sleeping pills story sounds decidedly dubious too…)

Oh no, he lost his place! That's a real shame. Personally wouldn't have him around my children. Could your mum keep him for a bit? Then he could present as homeless to the council.

your brother had help and doesn't want it. You can't help your brother unless he wants this himself

it may make you feel better, but that doesn't tackle the problem

sorry this is happening, its shit

He chose to walk out of rehab.
You can't fix this.

Honestly I don’t know because I’ve never been in that position.

It’s very easy for posters to sit in their warm home, drinking a cup of tea, to suggest abandoning your brother until he reaches rock bottom. But they don’t know or love him. You’re his sister.

Could you ring the rehab and ask for some advice?

What should you do @Alwaybkind?

You should contact https://www.nar-anon.org/what-is-nar-anon or similar and walk away.

With love, he's your brother and you want the best for him, but you are enabling his habit by rescuing him.

The best and most compassionate thing you can do is say;

'I am your sister, and I love you, but I cannot be here if you are in active addiction. If you decide to seek recovery, I will be here. I will listen to you and understand without judgement how you found yourself here. But until you do that, I cannot be here for you, because my life is valuable too'.

And that's all you can do.

Step away with compassion to him and you.

And understand that you have no control over his life.

I wish you the best. It's a hard road.

Yes that's madness. Rehabs have professionals. You are very unlikely to be able to match their resources or experience, especially with already having a lot on your plate. Be ready for this to be relationship ending if you go ahead.

Do you think that's a good reason to leave rehab? Because someone forgets to give you sleeping pills one night?

The real reason he left is very likely that he isn't ready to give up his addiction. If he was truly motivated he would have stayed.

You are mad to take him into your home - sorry.

Oh god no.. your little family comes first!

“He doesn’t have anywhere to live”

So you’ll be taking him in indefinitely, against the wishes of your DH? How on earth do you propose that he’ll ever be able to leave? Wouldn’t it make more sense for him to move in with your mother? Or won’t she have him? If you do move him in, don’t be surprised when your marriage breaks up and your DC leave home, never to come back.

While I think it's commendable that you want to do this thing for your brother, there was another thread on here not too long ago with a similar situation where a sister allowed her brother to move into their apartment and the brother contributed nothing to his stay except increased utility bills, increased food bills and washing.The brother in that story had no intention of leaving (as he had a cushy number being put up by his sister her husband and their kids) and it was affecting the sister and her husband's marriage.

Your brother needs proper care and there are teams of people who can offer that to him but he has to commit to the process.

If he checks himself out of a facility, you cannot be his safety net or he'll revert to using you over and over and over again.

I wouldn't let him move in if I were you.

I've spoken to a few people that have been to rehab and they all speak about this, about how noisy it is, patients screaming and shouting 24/7 and just not being able to get any rest. I think people have this idea that it's a bit like going to a spa and it's actually pretty horrendous

I'd do pretty much anything to help my brother and would take him in under these circumstances on the proviso he would be out at the first sign of a relapse because of the children

You can support him without him living with you. He's an addict don't let him near your kids.

Here’s the bottom line . He left rehab as he is not motivated or ready to change at this time. Don’t listen to nonsense about no sleep, he would have been with professionals who do this every day. He couldn’t manage with support surrounding him in a professional facility.
Moving in with you will be no different and addiction will come first for him untill he’s ready to make change.
don’t do it !

Why can’t he live with your mum?
you need to put your kids first - a friend from Uni had a similar situation when she was a child and her mother trying to help a sibling. They came home one afternoon to them dead with their feet in the oven - don’t expose your kids to this chaos.

I think if there is fault at their end re medication then you might be able to have a discussion about him getting back in. That's such a shame that everything wasn't right for him to allow the experience their to reach it's potential re supporting his recovery. You sound like a very caring and thoughtful sister. I agree with others that staying at yours is probably not the right move but I understand why you're considering it ❤️

You can still support your brother without offering him a home. Please don't. Put your children first. Your brother may well be clean AT THE MOMENT. How many horror stories have we heard about addicts relapsing again and again? Put him in touch with homeless charities, including Shelter. If there's a relatives' support group for NA, like Al-anon for AA, go to meetings and find your own network of supportive friends.

no! Not an addict, clean or otherwise in a house with kids.

No. Being supportive doesn't mean he has to move in.

Coming off sleeping pills is no fun but if you are going to do it, do it in rehab!
If he’s a drug addict and he’s taking sleeping pills he’s not clean. He’s using. They have a powerfully hypnotic effect and are highly, highly addictive.
He is clearly lying.
He should have stayed in rehab and got support because coming out is just a chance to use again.
You can take him to NA and babysit him. But in the long run you aren’t helping.
He had a valuable place in rehab which was provided to help him and he decided to walk.
Staying is a hard choice, leaving is easier. But it is usually an excuse to leave and use.