What would you do in my situation?

Speaking from similar experience with my own sibling: No, sorry OP

Read the post from @jafbsd . Carefully.

This could be what you would be letting yourself and your little family in for. You really don't want that.

Sorry @Alwaybkind but he’s lying to you!

Ive worked in this field and staff don’t just forget to administer a patients / residents medication for a week!!
call the rehab up - ask them what happened. I’m sure there’s more to this and he’s manipulating you.
I would not allow an addict near my children, and definitely not into their home!
your husband is saying no… respect his wishes and say no!
If my spouse did what you’re planning without my consent I would be packing bags and leaving with the DC !!

I suggest you first contact the rehab and find out what really happened, if it was their mistake you might be able to get him back in, (I doubt it was though!).
next get him urgent appointment at GP’s.
He needs to look at homeless services, these will have knowledge of rehab programs which can be carried out with support in the community.
Do not move him into yours!!….. do not even suggest to anyone that this is an option because it is not.. your husband is not on board so it is not an option !
out if interest - why can he not go back with your mother? If even she isn’t housing him in his hour of need then surely you can see how unsafe it is for
you to put him under the same roof as your children…… what happens when you pick the kids up walk into your home and he’s passed out on the floor or convulsing? Or when they find his secret stash and one takes a pill/inhales powder etc? Or they touch his stash and he looses his temper because he NEEDS that?! Are you going to strip search him including internal checks every-time he pops out and comes back in?

Tell him you’ll help him find accommodation and services to help him but that your DH says no to him moving in with you because you aren’t equipped to support him properly!

Something I learnt was that addicts will sell their own granny for a fix…. They can’t help it but their body NEEDS the drug and coming off it is painful… we had one client say that without medical help (going cold Turkey) felt like they were being turned inside out and pulled out through their arse!
I’ve helped many an addict ‘get clean or dry’…. Sadly they relapse often and will use any excuse … but reality is that they don’t need an excuse… it just happens… I’ve heard it all… it’s my birthday, it would’ve been so & so’s birthday, I woke up and just needed it… headache.. happy, sad etc.. they will invent a reason to relapse!
We’ve had parents disown their children because they’ve come home from work for the 100th time to the TV being sold, money stolen, furniture sold etc..

support him yes … but not in your children’s home!

Yes, basically.

Call adult social services and explain that he will be homeless when the rent for the Airbnb runs out (presumably in the next couple of weeks or so) so he needs to be on priority housing lists.

Don't pick up the slack if he flounces again. You need to prioritise your marriage, your children and yourself or it will all crumble under this. There are already warning signs.

Don’t. He isn’t ready to face his demons. There is nothing you can do for him unless and until he is.

Suddenly leaving rehab without support and nowhere to go shows that he cannot be trusted to make good decisions. You cannot have someone unstable like that living in your home with your 2 children. They should be your priority. He needs to go back to his GP and perhaps social services for help.

I took a family member in, Heroin addict, Difference is I'm single and have no kids and I would never do it again.

I found that every word out of his mouth was a lie, He would manipulate me into getting money, He would tell me he was buying food then would sneak off and buy his drugs then come back off his face. He promised over and over that he would change.

I then came home to find my tv was gone and also my laptop. He stole them to trade in for drugs. Of course he was sorry after the fact and was now getting clean.

He let me set up appointments here there and everywhere and would show up slurring his words and off his face, making me look like a complete idiot. got him on methadone and he started selling it for heroin, I then found out he was getting a friend to pee into a bottle for him so it looked like he was clean so I threw him out. the more i did for him the worse it got..

Two days later I had his dealers at my house demanding the money he owed them.

Three years later he is still on heroin, is on the verge of becoming homeless because he doesn't pay his bills and has been arrested and bailed, he showed up to court off his face.

He has sold everything he owned even down to his kettle, has no way to cook, owns thousands in unpaid bills, not paid his council tax for over a year and his flat now looks like a squat, needles all over the place/outside/at the back of his flat.

You can't fix him, you can't make this better, you can't do this to your family. i know how hard it is to say no and seemingly sit back and let it all happen. they only get help when the time is right for THEM. nothing you say or do will change him or the situation.

He can start his own ball rolling with the GP for ADHD. It's an idea but isn't going be much of a fix for the bigger issues, which he was already getting help with but rejected. I'm sorry, OP, I understand that you love him and want to help but please listen to the people here who have been through this on various sides and know this kind of well-intended ill-informed help only exacerbates his addiction issues and also causes problems for the rest of the family. Your husband and children matter more in this scenario. You are not responsible for housing your brother and indeed if you take responsibility, the council will never help him. Stop babying him, it's not going to help with the real problem. Unfortunately he needs to reach his own rock bottom then there's a chance he might change, but as him leaving rehab shows, he isn't ready to change and will happily let you take the strain while he reverts to his place of comfort.

We do have children. I agree it’s unfair on everybody but it’s also difficult knowing what to do for the best. We can’t really chuck him out on the street and to be honest in our case it isn’t so much the addiction (prescription meds) as his autism which is a factor because he can’t work but on paper he can, so … Tricky. Anyway, it hopefully won’t be for much longer.

I'm so sorry OP, it's really hard. My dad is an alcoholic and has a lot of MH issues, so while I've not been in your situation, I do have some idea what it's like.

I've found al-anon and the 3 'c's very helpful - you didn't cause his addiction, you can't control his addiction, you can't cure his addiction. It's so hard, but I do believe it's true.

I agree with many PP who say your biggest responsibility here is to your children and this isn't a good idea.

Could you stretch to a studio apartment for him really close to you? And you go visit him and he comes for dinner a couple of times a week? Sorry that's all I've got

Sorry but I'm with your husband.

An addict has to want to change and leaving rehab is worrying.

That is unfair on you and your partner. Hence the toll on your marriage. You don't mention any children, but OP definitely does and it is not in their best interests to be exposed to this.

As OP's brother has demonstrated, and I have seen myself in our own wider family, even the professionals struggle with this and successful rehab is never guaranteed.

It's ultimately up to him whether he's alive or not.

It's absolutely not your responsibility to ensure he wakes up tomorrow.

All you're doing is entrenching behaviour patterns and allowing his addiction to continue.

At your detriment.

So my addict brother has been staying with us for a year now and it’s tough. I don’t expect him to change but just trying to ensure he’s alive really. He’s hopefully moving into his own place soon but it’s taking a long time and it has taken its toll on my marriage.

I can speak from experience because we have a relative who was/is an alcoholic and has done drugs before. They've had the odd stint in rehab and psychiatric wards but nothing has ever really worked and they have always reverted to type.

Do not accept him into your house to live. Do not expose your children to this. He is not reliably rehabiltated yet, if he ever will be. He has demonstrated this amply by throwing in the towel at such an early stage.

If he slips back into his old ways (he almost certainly will) then he will expose your children to some shocking behaviour and potentially traumatise them (and you too).

If you have a husband or partner then it also won't be fair on them either.

Your brother needs to be in touch with the local council because he will need urgent housing. Contact Adult Social Services about him as a matter of urgency too. Tell them all that neither you nor your mother can take this on or house him, or continue to pay his rent in an Airbnb. Don't back down.

I don't know whether he will be allowed to apply for rehab again or has any chance of being accepted, but that also needs to be explored, and the consequences of his actions/inactions rammed home to him.

He will get no priority for housing if he moves in with you. He will never get near the top of the list because the local authority or housing associations will consider him adequately housed. You would be stuck in a potentially dire situation with your children in tow too.

Don't! Just don't!

You have to make sure you are not enabling him in any way.

He has to take responsibility and control for his recovery.

At an absolute push, you could give him a room to keep him off the street and to give him a chance to keep his current sobriety.

BUT it is with zero other help and zero tolerance:

He sorts his prescriptions / appointments
He sorts our benefits
He sorts out NA meetings
He contributes to household chores and cooking OR does his own stuff completely

If he stops going to meetings or there is even a suspicion he's using again he's out on the streets / finds a shelter that day.

I think it’s natural that you want to help him. He’s your brother and presumably you were close once.

But the reality is that he needs to want to help himself, and right now his walking out of rehab clearly demonstrates that he doesn’t.

TBH moving him into your house doesn’t just expose your children to a drug addict, you’ll be exposing them to the people who drug addicts come into contact with, drug dealers and the like, and what if there is any dispute over drugs or payment, these people aren’t the types you want around your children.

I’m guessing that when you think of him you still think of him as the brother you knew pre addiction. But he’s not. That person is gone, and now you need to face up to the fact that he’s a different person, and you can’t put your family at risk for him.

No no no.
you have framed this in your mind as you being kind but actually it would be you being selfish. Yes, you might feel better about yourself but it would be to the detriment of you kids, your DH and actually your brother too. Think of others instead of yourself and do not do this.

I work in addiction.

I'm addicted to nicotine myself.

I understand addiction.

The sleeping pills is just an excuse to leave. He doesn't want to be there. The addiction is currently where he feels comfortable.

You cannot cure him.

Addiction is complex. It may start for a million reasons.

But once it's ingrained there's only one real reason to get out.

And that's because the addict realises that the life they're living is not as good as the life they could be living.

That's the only thing that stops ingrained addiction. And it has to come from the addict.

And, ultimately attempts to 'save' by family members often entrench addiction because there's shame and obligation and dynamics attached. Which, when failure and judgement are attached can send an addict into a spiral of use.

So when I say walk away with compassion and kindness @Alwaybkind, that actually is the best thing you can do for him. Really.

Just to add - you only know what your brother has told you about his sleeping pills - if he was at a rehabilitation clinic for narcotics, it's very very likely that they were and are monitoring all substances that he's using and it's very possible that they didn't give him his sleeping pills for a very good reason.

Do you have the name/number of the person who your brother was admitted under in the Rehab? Could you contact them and ask their advice? Tell them you know your brother is currently safe but that won't last for long and you're very concerned for his safety and well being and what could they advise.

I cannot believe your children are so low in your priorities - as a Mother your children should be put first!

Your mum should have him and if she won't, then that shows you shouldn't either (esp given your family situation).

It will turn bad very quickly, and even if he somehow became angelic, it's going to get annoying having someone else in your house when he inevitably won't move out.

But realistically I think you'll just end up worried sick in the night wondering when he's wandered off to, and depending on your home setup could be a security risk for you when he's wandering out at night leaving doors unlocked.

I think part of what we are seeing is the old addict’s trick of putting the work off -“I’ll stop drinking after Christmas” “I’ll give up smoking when my kids are older” and, in this case, “I’ll give up the drugs when I can sleep”.
In actual fact there will always be something that prevents them from taking real steps.
I also agree that bringing this person into a home with children would be very risky.

So I didn’t sleep for days once. I went to my drs and they sent me to hospital to medically put me to sleep for like 48 hours?

however this was 35 years ago….not sure if they’ll still do it. I had to be in a hospital whilst it was done…no idea what it was but it was an infection that they gave me the highest dose. Wish I remembered what it was.