DH and best friend messaging

Not sure I'd blame the friend. She obviously isn't encouraging the sexual comments and isn't reciprocating. It's all coming from the husband. She probably thought that telling Op would breach his confidentiality not to mention putting her in an awkward position.

Op writes Friend responds with either shock or laughing emoji but doesn't respond back otherwise.

The husband is the problem here. Op why are you still with him? You can't trust him.

He is a cheater. She is not your friend. They are not trustworthy people. It is as simple as that.

You don’t need to get drawn into all the angst and why he does this and is it his illness and are the messages ok if she has a background in mental health and should you have snooped etc etc. Just remember the above.

You summed it up in your opening post,you feel betrayed by them both .Why bother with either of them.

Whatever's going on here isn't in any way professional. If it were, a firm boundary would have been set at the first sexual comment that was directed at her personally. Ask this friend to bow out of your lives for a while so you can work on your relationship. Suggest it to H too. Their reactions will be telling

Hypersexual behaviour is not an excuse for your husband sexually harassing your friend, nor him cheating.

Your friend is so open minded her brains have fallen out. He’s behaving badly towards herself and you, and she’s coddling him and betraying you.

She knows this is wrong which is why she’s turning it back around onto you by criticising your snooping.

It doesn’t matter at all if you’ve snooped on his phone, it was warranted and deserved. He’s a serial cheat.

1... you looked at his phone because he is untrustworthy
2.... He is sexting your "friend"
3..... She is not your friend, she shouldn't allow it
4.... Stop being a victim of their making.

She's not one of your closest friends unfortunately. He is a cheat who is relying on his diagnosis to cheat. He is trying to cheat with this woman who you think is your friend. Why are you with him?

She's lapping up his attention and he would actually do the things with her that he tells her he wants to do, given half the chance.

She is not your friend.

Drop her and drop him and your life will improve massively.

Our marriage is struggling at the moment following a ONS last year.
that should have been the end of the road for you, this woman is not your friend, why are you even considering visiting her? she should have shut him down right away, stop letting him blame BPD for his shitty behaviour.

This is a joke!!! Why is it all about him??? And her. They are using fancy words to dismiss your feelings. Listen to your body!

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!!

Read the book ‘women who love too much’ and OPEN YOUR EYES. Good luck!

Wow. So he cheated on you and is now sending sexual messages to your friend.

i don’t think having bipolar is an excuse for this. If he knows he has hyper sexuality and is likely to messsage inappropriate things then he should have deleted her number. She also should have stopped the conversation and blocked him.

id be furious. I’d be leaving him and I don’t think I’d be spending the night at my friends either

A quick Google tells me this:
'Even with effective medical treatment, people with bipolar disorder may still experience hyposexuality'

Is this really the life you want OP because it sounds fucking miserable. You deserve better than this.

Yeah get rid of him, this isn’t his bipolar, I have 2 friends with bipolar and I know they have both acted impulsively and inappropriately when I’m manic phases but they’ve felt awful about it after. He’s just a cheat and using his potential mental health as a way to excuse himself.

And your friend is not a friend. She’s turned the blame onto you for ‘snooping’ rather than apologising for not telling you about the messages or continuing the conversation. They’ve both manipulated you.

She isn't your friend. If my friend's DH sent me sexualised comments i would shut it down immediately. Why isn't she telling him to stop, or saying its inappropriate ?

As for your H, frankly hes crossed so many lines I'm not sure its worth trying to salvage. If you forgave him for a ONS last year he should be doing everything he can to regain your trust and work on your marriage. He isnt, hes being a sleaze around your friend.

Can you leave op? My mum is like your H. It is a misery. Life is short. I hardly see my mum now. We cannot change them. We just get caught in the slipstream of their shit. Especially if we are compassionate and kind. Which is how you sound.

Shes not in an awkward position. She’s obviously enjoying the attention. She told the OP that she was invading his privacy by looking at his phone, when a friend would have apologised and said, sorry or I didn’t know how to broach it. She’s worried because she got caught and is trying to deflect blame onto the OP.

Plus she’s apparently a mental health professional, she could have just raised it as a concern about his mental health if she had wanted an easy way to talk about it.

Oh love, stop being so naive. This guy isn’t worth your time.

This.

Also, your husband and friend are now gaslighting you.

Remove the MH from the issue.
He's a cheat who doesn't value you or your marriage, not once but twice.
Cancel your plans today.
She is NOT your friend.
As pps have said, if she's a professional, she knows how to shut it down.
As friend/woman she knows none of this is appropriate.
She's getting something out of, enjoying the attention?
Are you seriously going to spend the day and have a sleepover with the OW?
If he again raises the fact that you've snooped through his phone, the only correct response would be.
"You're a serial cheat, fuck off out of my life "
Kick them both to the kerb ❤️

He's cheating on you

Dump them both. Pair of gaslighting cheats.

His bipolar diagnosis is doing a lot of heavy lifting here to excuse his shitty behaviour. Regardless of his MH difficulties, he has already had a ONS, you'll never be able to trust him again. Why stay and waste your time always having to look over your shoulder.

Your "friend" should have stopped talking to him the minute he started making passes at her and she should have told you about it.
They're both shitty.

It's one thing for a psychiatrist to look at a patient and think oh that it's hyper sexualised behaviour e.g. rubbing himself up against a lamppost. It's completely different if it's your partner who is chatting up your friend and telling her that he wants to have sex with her. Can't you see that? He's just a cheat who is relying on a diagnosis for really bad behaviour. You are accepting the diagnosis as well. I would dump him and be very wary of her. I think she should stop those conversations altogether and the fact she hasn't tells you a lot.

I think she is too close to you both to be having these discussions with him. She's not his doctor and it'd be awkward if he's telling her any personal details about your relationship. I'd also expect her to tell him his comments are inappropriate towards a friend and not "flow with it".

If he can make comments like this towards a mutual friend without any guilt then I'd be reconsidering the relationship as there would be no trust left.