AIBU to be disgusted by partner?

I agree with PPs that you need an honest discussion with DH. Say that you love him but his behaviour and lack of self care is making life miserable for you. His reaction will say a lot - he'll either be shocked into doing something, or he may get defensive. If that latter I'd give him one more chance by opening up the 'you didn't used to be like this I'm worried you're depressed' angle and if he still won't even countenance looking in to that then I'm afraid it may be time to consider a life without him.

He's going the right way for an early death. I'd be seriously concerned that he wasn't looking after himself when he has a little girl to raise. Without a healthy and engaged dad, she is more vulnerable as she gets older, because there's no-one to scare the predators off. Sounds primitive, I know! But there's no chance any of the lads that took advantage of me when I was a teenager would have done so if my dad was around. He is doing her a huge disservice by not looking after himself. That would be what I'd be trying to get him to focus on.

Ugh would you be so rude to someone in real life just for using a simple figure of speech?

You say that like sin is bad. It's not. It doesn't matter.

He sounds very depressed. Can you get him to address this, difficult as it is?

He sounds depressed but it's his call to seek help. I would give him an ultimatum and tell him unless things change, the relationship is over. What message is he sending your toddler, with his unhealthy food choices, let alone his lack of basic hygiene and manners?

I don't. Ind large men but absolutely would not tolerate a lazy stinker.
Maybe he'd do well on mounjaro. Suggest it and move out of the bedroom..

So he doesn't do any housework, doesn't do any childcare/parenting, doesn't wash, is moody, doesn't want to do anything and won't even go to bed at a reasonable time. Meanwhile you're working, doing all the parenting and housework whilst also trying to fix him. What exactly do you love about this relationship?

Wow, I missed that you both work full time. Does he WFH or do something solitary?

he works full-time?
does he work from home?
and if not, how does he manage to get there (if physical exertion of any kind leaves him breathless etc)? and what do his colleagues think about his unwashed clothes/ hair etc?

When you say you love the person he used to be - did he ever do an equal share of housework and childcare? Was he ever a fully involved parent taking turns with the rubbish parts eg night feeds, taking time off when the baby was sick etc

It's hard from your post to tell if the weight is a side issue or the main issue that is causing everything else. If he has never been an involved parent, and the attitude / refusal to do any housework coincided with the birth of your child, I'd say the weight are a side issue and the real issue is that he is misogynistic and lazy - often the true attitude to women is shown once they become mothers

I would speak to him with kindness and compassion but also lay it out very clearly with a clear ultimatum. Once you have the ick it is hard to go back from it, but I guess you need to give him one last chance so you know you did that for your child, and he might surprise you! But put a timeline on it, do it with love for the man you once had, and quietly see a solicitor so you know where you stand if he doesn't shape up. Most importantly, don't just let it drift. You have one life and you can't live like this.

The hygiene and lack of wanting to do anything would be my focus. I think you need to be brutally honest with him. I wouldn't mention weight.

At this point I'd give him a timescale of 6 months to improve washing and brushing teeth or it's over

YANBU to be disgusted.
YABU to stay and waste your life.
YAB even more U to stay and waste your daughters' life.

I don’t understand why you’re still there tbh.

He sounds depressed. But if he won't seek help for himself, it's not your responsibility to stay with him, harsh as that sounds.

What was he like when you decided to have a baby with him?

It was just a turn of phrase @squashyhat - I'm exhausted, not well and it was a sentence that didn't work in a hasty post on mumsnet. Hardly the sin of the century and nitpicking is not really required is it?!

His behaviour is the issue here, the weight gain and lack of care about that are related but not the cause of his issues. He's letting you and your child down badly at the moment, that's the important issue. I've been morbidly obese, but not done any of the other things your partner is doing, and always been able to do what my children needed me to do.

As the others have said, you need to tell him clearly what all the issues are and that he needs to change. The basic things like hygiene and doing his share with the house and your child would be my first focus. He needs to know that you will leave him if he doesn't sort out those things immediately and then start to work on the other things too.

Do you know if there's any cause for his slip into this situation - does he work? Has he lost his job? Or something else?

He sounds very depressed. As pp suggest GP and showering every day to start.
He needs to be issued an ultimatum. I’d give him a chance if you love him.

Staying up late when you have a toddler is v selfish

What are you not being funny about?

Brutal conversation time OP.

If nothing changes you need to divorce, why? Because your DC is being taught unhealthy relationship dynamics and that women do all the work.

A sin? Really. Wow.

It sounds like he needs support to lose weight, does he do the food shopping or do you? Don't suggest things he'll find physically difficult like going for a walk either, of course he doesn't want to do them.

Gluttony is a sin.

If after telling him that his lifestyle choices are repulsive, he sows t want to change then I would be leaving him.

Who wants their child raised by him?