AIBU to be disgusted by partner?

Of course YANBU to be disgusted by him, as he is disgusting. He's not adulting.

What's his bmi?

Sounds like your DP might be suffering from depression? I would say he or you should book him an appointment with GP. He does sound miserable and like he's given up. If that can be addressed, hopefully things would improve, if you think he's worth pursuing an answer and treatment, that's what I would suggest.
Of course you'll have to have 'the talk' with him and let him know you will be fully supportive of him but only if he seeks answers to his anti-social habits and behaviour. Otherwise of course, there's no way you should stay with him. If you love him, insist on helping him get the medical advice and treatment he most likely needs at this time to return to the person he used to be.

Fat bashing? Did you even bother to read the OP? What isn't disgusting about a man who doesnt wash or brush his teeth? You're projecting.

I would have a serious talk with him and after that I would wait a certain amount of time to see if he took on board what I had said and started to make changes.
If he didn't I would move out and leave him to it.

It's an awful situation to be in but if you stay and let him continue he will take you both down with him, you have to save yourself and your child.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. This isn’t just about his weight—it’s about the fact that he has completely checked out of being a partner and a parent. He refuses to take care of himself, help around the house, engage with your daughter, or even meet basic hygiene standards. That isn’t just laziness; it’s neglect, both of himself and of you.

You’ve already tried everything—supporting him, cooking for him, encouraging him to get help—but he has made it clear he has no interest in changing. You cannot set yourself on fire to keep him warm. If he wanted to be a better partner and father, he would have acted by now.

So the question is: how much longer are you willing to live like this? Because right now, you’re doing everything on your own and carrying the burden of his behaviour. You deserve better, and so does your daughter. If he won’t change, then the only thing left to decide is whether you’re willing to keep living this way—or if it’s time to put yourself first.

Tell him his behaviour makes you feel totally unloved and if he doesn't change then you feel you will ha e to separate.

Often when we try to help someone. We actually just get in their way. We can make life easier and protect them from even needing to change. People change when they are held accountable and face consequences.

If you Met him today with this behaviour would you fancy him? Would you want to date him have a child with him? If No then he has to face the consequences that you're bo longer interested in a relationship with him if he doesn't recognise the ways in which he has changed and make effort to change this or says to you hey actually this is the real me and I don't plan to change. Then it's up to you.

Whatever struggles might be going on for him they are still his responsibility to figure out.

Ask him to see his GP ad get help.

Give him six months to change and if he doesn't, leave.

You might need to leave before he will sort himself out if he is going to.

Unlike PPs I believe you can love someone and be disgusted by them at the same time.

He's disgusting because he's unhygienic, not because he's fat

My suggestion is leave the smelly grumpy bastard!

Second fat bashing thread of the day ...let's all pile on to tell the op how disgusting her partner is .
Fantastic

I'm obese (210lbs) at 5 ft 3. I push the buggy up hills, run after my kids, do 5+ mile walks, take them swimming etc etc. It sounds like the main problem isn't his weight, it's the fact that he's too lazy and sedentary to actually participate meaningfully in your family life which is really hurtful and also just boring! I'm not sure I could stay with someone with no enthusiasm for life and no interest in their kids.

It's time for some honesty and a seperate bedroom. Anyone that respected you or your daughter and was able to make a change would do it if they knew how you felt.

You deserve more than being obligated to a man who disgusts you.

Tell him that this is not what you want for any of you, that you'll support him for six months to make the changes, and let him drive it, starting with a GP appointment.

Meanwhile look at what your options are if change doesn't come.

Gluttony is a sin. @Chuchoter

I think this comment is known elsewhere as "peak mn" 😂

Op is he open to counselling? Obviously something needs to change, he needs to show you he is willing, even if it feels very difficult for him.

I would tell him that is ever ever wants to entertain any thought of walking his daughter down the aisle at her wedding, he needs to take better care of himself. I agree with others that he sounds depressed and probably needs some GP support. But his failure to address this properly should not hold you and your DD to ransom. You matter too. x

Surely couples counselling might help.

Presumably he doesn't work? Is there a medical reason for that?
It does sound like he's depressed. You need to tell him you think so, and he must go to the GP. If he refuses to then tell him you'll have to consider leaving.
The way he's going he won't be around much longer anyway if he doesn't change. But if he's depressed it could be clouding his ability to change.
I can stop showering and brushing teeth when I have a major depression episode. It's gross, but I don't have kids. I also go anorexic so it's another food based coping mechanism.
But if he gets medication or therapy he can improve his daily life. I hope.

Sorry Partner.

He is possibly diabetic. Type two diabetes can make your sweat smell. Messed up glucose levels can cause mood swings and weight issues. He needs to be tested. He would qualify for an appetite supressing drug on the NHS. The treatments are very successful. Your problem is to get him to a GP and to get him to accept he may well be suffering from diabetes. I wish you well on your journey as he will need support and understanding but you will get your "old" husband back eventually.
I am not in anyway medically qualified I speak from experience. Good luck.

Poor oral health increases cardiovascular disease, on top of the weight he's carrying and the diet full of saturated fat. Would he see a psychologist, perhaps online, if you asked?

https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/gum-disease-and-the-connection-to-heart-disease

This must be so hard and you sound like you’re really trying. Do you think he’s depressed? I would encourage him to see the doctors - you may need to offer an ultimatum. Tell him that you love him but this isn’t the life you signed up for. You will support him IF he’s willing to get help - whether that’s therapy, weight loss jabs (I don’t usually agree but this sounds extreme) or an accountability partner. If there’s no flexibility from him, then don’t feel bad about going after the life you deserve.

The lack of hygeine and lazyness would be a deal breaker for me.

I don't think there is anything about him that you would miss if you left. You are already doing everything for your DD, you are working full time, you are basically running the show and his only role seems to be to make sure your life is just that little bit less nice whilst doing it. He doesn't respect you or your DD enough to make an effort. That means you also don't need to respect him enough to put up with all of this.