4 year old daughter upset with her birthday party idea

Soft play with 3 levels is perfectly fine for a party for a 4 year old! It’s not a baby play area. Tell her it’s this party, a party at home with a few friends, or no party.

I don’t think she’s being “spoilt”, she’s disappointed and she’s three so she’s saying it out loud. Sometimes children double down if they don’t feel heard. Say: “You like the other one and we can’t go there. That’s disappointing” in a kind way.

And instead, let her choose the “theme” (ie: Elsa paper plates / cake).

TBH its irrelevant - you have presumably reviewed it and thought it was something she would enjoy. I can't get past this from a 3yr old:

. "She started crying saying it's a baby play area and she doesn't want to go there for her party and that she wants to go to another certain play area for her birthday".

Was she serious or was it just a momentary tantrum dealt with by early tea and bed?
You are the parent, take control, practice saying "we can't afford it". She can have the party you have organised or if you can get a refund she can have a few friends to tea at home. Those are the options.

The fact remains that the child should appreciate it is getting a party, and no parent should be emotionally blackmailed by their child

Is it for babies? If yes, she has a point. If definitely suitable, then tough tacky.

It sounds absolutely lovely. She's 3 and has a limited frame of reference and understanding. I would take what she says with an enormous pinch of salt and jolly her along by letting her choose a cake and balloon.

Cancel it (if you can get a refund) and give the money to a children's charity instead. Lesson learned!

@ServantsGonnaServe I'm surprised at 3/4 she's commenting on stuff being for babies

Have you met a 3/4 year old? Being a big girl/ boy and not being a baby is basically all they talk about!

I don’t think it’s necessarily spoilt. Presumably you have been talking to her about her birthday, telling her she was having a party, getting her excited and then to a 4 year old it’s the equivalent of giving her a football party when she wants a princess party. No 4 year old wants to feel like a baby in a toddler play space.

I'm surprised at 3/4 she's commenting on stuff being for babies 👶

I don't think that's surprising at all actually. Age 3/4 is in my experience prime age for wanting to be not seen as a baby any more.

Tell her the other one was booked so the party is here or nowhere (ideally in softer language about how much you wanted to have a party so she could have all her friends, that it's about people not places etc etc)

I'm surprised at 3/4 she's commenting on stuff being for babies 👶

Do people buy party decorations when the party is at soft play? And they are already struggling with money?

Yes I actually do! I know some adults don’t remember much from childhood but I do. And children will remember for a few years before they start to forget, especially events important to them like birthday parties.

Not sure what's so funny. Do you think 3 nearly 4 year olds don't have ideas on what they like? She's expressing her opinion in a totally age appropriate way nothing wrong with that.

@FanofLeaves she is getting a voice / preference.
This party or home

I would get her excited by going to a shop and picking out themed party decorations and plates/cups etc that she likes.

If she was just having a tantrum that came down to “I want” it’s something to ignore but have you booked a younger babyish play space? If it’s not the type of place she would want to play in it’s understandable she wouldn’t want her birthday there when she wants to feel like a big girl.
Can you cancel the place and do a tea party at home?
Is there anything extra you were going to do that you could cut from the budget to go for the second space if you don’t have space? Party bags/ decorations?

As disappointing as her reaction is to you this is a essential parenting experience which you can learn a lot from. Now she is able to use words to express her feelings and wants more clearly you are going to have things like this said again and again in the future.

References to friends holidays, toys, technology. What kind of shows they are allowed to watch. My latest issue with my 7 year old is make up to school and crop tops for example. Two things I don't allow currently but two of her best friends are allowed.

Yes it's difficult when they get upset. Yes we can feel guilty. But it's up to us as parents to draw the boundaries on what we can or will do and what we will or will not allowed.

Yes DD that softplay is really cool! You had a great time there. Your party is booked at X softplay. What party bags will be pick? Get her involved in what she can choose.

Agree with others. Tell her that she can have this party, or one at home.

Might be worth mentioning money, just to get the concept out there. When I started telling DS "that's too expensive, we don't have enough money" it was strangely liberating. Almost like I'd been contortig myself in knots making up reasons why his friends had bigger houses and better toys when actually the reason is "their family has more money"

Hahaha! She’s 3!

She’s not being spoilt, she’s being age appropriate tbh. It’s a lesson for you to not book things for someone without their input surely?
I have four children and I think we’ve had maybe 8-10 parties across all kids over the many years- as they had a choice of a “big” gift OR a party due to the expense. So most years most kids have chosen the present over the party… money does matter and kids need to learn we don’t have unlimited funds. Also with a party they get x number of extra presents so that meant less from us if we were paying for a party.

The parties were always discussed though- well maybe not the baby ones obviously…

I think having a party where she doesn't want to go or telling her it's that or nothing is madness. It's supposed to be a good thing, a birthday party.

Ive got two adult children who are perfectly rounded people and are not spoiled but I have treated them nicely. Why wouldn't you?

It's OK to issue ultimatums over important things. Brushing teeth, crossing the road, behaving in china shops, but 'have your party here or no party at all you spoilt brat' isn't one of them.