4 year old daughter upset with her birthday party idea

Really not an option for a lot of people, hence having to shell out for a party outside the home, or not have one.

I'd say "DD, we can't have the party at that place as it costs too much money. Do you want the party you can have, or not?" I think its absolutely fine to be honest with DC from a young age about financial limitations. It's going to come up at some stage when Jane is going to Disney for three weeks or John has a swimming pool in his garden. It's nothing to be ashamed of and doesn't need to be concealed.

Has she picked a theme? If not then I'd maybe get her to pick a theme and get her really excited about that, involve her lots with it, and just focus on the parts which make a birthday special; the friends, cake, games, presents, balloons, decorations, music... Maybe get her a special big girls party dress that's on theme, too (eBay will have lots of great second hand ones). She does seem a bit worried her friends might think it's babyish, so if you make sure all of the party sundries are very cool and trendy (but age appropriate, obv) then she might get her head around the location being less important.

Not saying that's a perfect solution, but I'm pretty sure it's all my 3.5 YO would care about... Although maybe in 6 months time he will get a bit more particular 👀

Good luck, hope she enjoys herself!

She doesn’t sound spoilt. Your mistake was booking it without asking her first. If she said it’s babyish it must be.

She is 4. Start as you mean to go on.

I really don’t think she sounds spoilt. She sounds sad that she’s been booked a party she doesn’t want. Kids are too little to mask and fake through their disappointment and arguably you wouldn’t want that for her? I would feel rubbish following through with a party she didn’t want; but if there are no other options then I guess can just treat the venue as a space to host people and the kids will be happy running around with balloons. Nice cake and presents she will still be happy.

Disappointments I mean.

Just help her to manage her disappointment. The first time of many 😃 in a child’s life.

I would make up a story..like ah but for birthdays it’s different..even big girls go there because we put special balloons and have dancing etc. Babies can’t dance etc. Four year olds are suggestible. Another eg babies don’t have Frozen cakes or Bluey cakes or whoever.

I'd have said the other one was closed that day..

When she talked about the party she had an idea in her head of where and what it would be like, she is allowed to be disappointed to then be told oh that's not what we are doing. You have to understand she's turning 4 not 2, she is becoming her own person and imo a conversation about the party and offering her a choice between the play place or a party at home would have been appropriate, rather than like with a 2 Yr old that doesn't really grasp the idea of a party and is just delighted to turn up wherever and see cake. That's the problem with parenthood though we don't always realise our child has moved on to another stage until we are right in the thick of it.
Look at it this way, as an adult if I was told I was being taken out for dinner for my birthday and had it in my head I was going to X cos its my favourite but then discovered I was going to Y I'd be allowed to feel disappointed. Obviously as an adult I'd use my words and we d have a discussion about where we were going to begin with and I'd be fine with Y as I'd know from the get-go that it were the destination, and the reason X wasn't an option. She's turning 4, she doesn't have options and it's frustrating, very human reaction but also tough on you as her mum that is just trying to do her vest

This way madness lies.

It’s ok to make a fuss of a 3 year old on their birthday but they’re at an age where they have very little life experience to know what they want and what it means. This is why adults should make decisions, not toddlers who’ve been alive for 3 years.

Tell her you do not have enough money for the posher place, so it's your choice... or nothing, because you have already paid, and they will not give you the money back, anyway... That is all. It is about time she realises that we cannot have all we want in life.

The OP has already explained she can't have the party at home.

There's no money to have it anywhere else.

Tell the child that she can have the other place next year but this year she will get to choose big girl decorations/cake/dress/borrow your jewellery (obv old stuff as it'll get broken) or whatever would let her feel special and grown up, and say it's so everyone knows she isn't a baby.

They will have such fun together they won't care where they are.

3 year olds can usually make play opportunity wherever they are. These sound like the words of an adult, who has put this idea to her that it is for babies?

Why would you have to have "loads" and all their parents?

Has venue marketing reached a point where nobody feels able to say "one friend for each year of your age plus one" for tea and games at home any more? Small children are easily overwhelmed by large numbers but with smaller numbers 3/4 year olds should be fine and there is no need for parents to stay for a hour or two of a party for that age.

And 3 year olds do not have opinions? It is her birthday party, it should be a happy thing. Now there are tears, people even calling it brattish. She is being expected to be happy about something she doesn't want and she is tiny. Her input was required.

Your child might be your world but that doesn’t mean you have to give her everything she wants. I have a friend who with her teenage daughter is dealing with the fall out from that and it’s not pretty.

Yeah that's very poor behaviour, very ungrateful and shouldn't be stood for. My oldest did this once and got a good lecture about entitlement and relatively world poverty and gratefulness and I'm glad to say never again, from either of them. Do not cancel. She goes, and if she misbehaved, she goes home early. Simple. There's some great cheap party bag ideas too, really it shouldn't put financial pressure on you in anyway, shape or form!

Don’t be disheartened she just had an idea in her head and doesn’t understand why not. Her friends going will only be 3 or 4 too so they are babies in my eyes anyway haha don’t feel guilty because you’ve booked her a party even though money is tight. She will love all the fuss on the day xx

Oh give over. She is 3! She has absolutely no concept of 'luckiness' or capitalism and she didn't ask to be born. Sure set her expectations and tell her if something is too expensive or not possible but you aren't going to get anywhere pinning such high expectations on a toddler. Most grown adults don't really have a fair concept of their privledge so why would we expect this of a small child?

For those going on and on about parties at home, it would be a cold day in hell before I did that. No way do I want a load of 4 year olds and their petulant parents touching my possessions, using my loo, trashing my living room and terrorising my pets.
OP she will get over it once she sees the cake and her friends. You have done your best.

All those saying chat to her before you book, make sure she's all right with the decision...this is a three/four year old. She will likely have changed her mind about what she wants by the end of the week. And what if she sets her heart on a real unicorn, or she wants a party exactly the same as her friend (whose parents have millions and had a swimming party at their own home)? Disappointment, sadly, is a fact of real life. I know it's instinct to want your child to have everything they want, and their birthdays to be days of fun and laughter, but sometimes... sometimes you just have to say 'no'. It doesn't harm them. They learn to manage their expectations.

Three/four year olds can have VERY overblown expectations (I still remember the "I wanted a REAL unicorn!' problem). It's your job as a parent to manage that realistically.

That's vile. 🤬

It sounds like you're projecting.
She's 3 years old.