4 year old daughter upset with her birthday party idea

Tell her these things cost money! No harm in teaching them young that life is not free. Let her know you and her daddy have already paid a lot of money for this play area/centre and its there or no party at all.

Can you say one or more of:
-the other place is fully booked?
-drop some hints generally about how good the place you've booked is to persuade / convince her?
-take her there while another party is on to show how much fun people have?
-explain that the food is nicer there?
-say it's nice to try new places and the other children will find it more exciting to go somewhere new?
-That it will seem more special instead of copying the other party?
I don't think she's spoilt. I don't think you're being unreasonable - you just want to make sure she's happy. It sounds a bit like perhaps she is trying to please her friends by doing what she thinks other people like.

I’m amazed she has a preference. My son had a softplay party when he was 3 and we decided we didn’t want to spend a fortune with parties every year. We did a small party at home in super hero theme for his fourth birthday and it was lovely. He had a great time.
I think this is partly how you decide to sell it. Obviously she’s been to recent parties at this place and possibly those children were also 4. Can’t you make the party a theme you know she will enjoy so all the children can have optional dress up?
otherwise suggest you cancel and save the money for next year when she will be at school and it’s probably more important.

Child does not need an adults perspective. If that's what is organised for her then go with it! Otherwise, stay at home and party.

You don't go further than what you can afford.. She will soon get over it.

You probably can't change it now that you've paid the deposit but I think the learning for next time is to involve her in the decision making. We let our 2 year olds decide what type of party they wanted for their 3rd birthday and what food they'd like served. It's her party so only fair that she gets a say. I don't think it's entitled at all to be upset that you get no say in what feels like the biggest event of your year even if parents do a bit of guiding towards what is affordable and doable.

I think people are forgetting that at 4 this child will have no concept of money or time. Heck she might still struggle to count to 10! She would have no concept of why changing her party before the invites are sent out is difficult. That doesn't mean that her mum should change her party, but she isn't being a brat or ungrateful, she's just clueless because she's little. If your child said "Can we paint?" then a minute later said "Actually can we play dress-up"? You'd probably say "yes". Or, if you'd got all the paint out, you might say "Let's paint for 20 mins, then help me wash the brushes, then we'll play dress-up" To her, changing her party is no more complicated than putting the paints away, or even not getting them out.

Christ do people think 3-4 year olds are basically giant Maris Pipers in clothes or something?

They have a preference for stuff they like.

They can communicate

They are their own personalities (granted very small and still need a hell of a lot of correction and guidance)

They can remember a lot of things

It’s not that hard, honestly.

?

I am not the poster you replied to but I have a four year old who remembers the party we had for him when he turned three and the one we had for him when he turned four.

Why wouldn’t he? I mean, I only have vague memories but I do have a few fleeting memories of when I was three and when I was four!

Hi,

tell her the other place is fully booked until this summer and so she can have the party for her birthday at the place she « doesn’t want » OR a summer party in the place she wants.

She gets to choose and you have time to spare money.

Good luck 🌺

Always ask my eldest daughter too (youngest is only one so can’t tell us yet😂). She picks bloody peppa pig world every time😂

If you’re able to refund, I would do that and then have a party at home. You can get some craft bits from the works/hobbycraft/supermarkets and do your own lunch (a buffet or little packed lunches) for way cheaper!

Wasn't there an option to just have some friends over and do the old fashioned house party?

Could you cancel and revert to that?

If you can cancel you could go to the bigger area but she can only pick one or two friends. That's the reality for her. Don't feel bad.
We have a tiny house and can squeeze 6 around a table so that's the party guest limit.

We are the same op! My daughters 4 in march and wanted soft play and also wanted all 18 kids from pre school there - the price got out of control ! I’ve scaled right back now and got a function room in our local pub (they let us have it free) and my friend is going to face paint and we are going to have a little disco and games !

I just can’t afford anything else as my husband got made redundant last week.

we sat her down today and explained and are trying to get her involved in the planning and choosing games and stuff - she was disappointed as she said her friends soft play party was the best party ever 😫 so I feel your pain!

but I think at this age they can be talked round easy enough

good luck

I would never consult a 3/4 years old about what venue we booked for a 4 yo party.
Game over.

Parties? Plural? She’s had 4 birthdays in her life so far and you say she remembers at least two of them?

Cool story.

Filed under “things that didn’t happen”.

This.
I don't think she's been bratty at all.

To reiterate what @Soontobe60 said, she’s 3.

I was thinking this. I mean, yes, this might not be the party she wants right NOW, but ask her again tomorrow or next week and the answer will be something else, especially if she goes to a party in the meantime - she will then want whatever she has just seen. At this age they are influenced by the last thing they see/do, they don't have long held desires,they are ephemeral little beings.

But the tripping over themselves of some people saying they should be consulting what is basically a toddler makes me wonder when this would end. Yes, give the little one a say, but over small things like which cake or colour of candles, the rest they will change their minds about more often than they change their socks!

I would tell her the other place is fully booked, and then distract her with things like what kind of cake does she want, come up with a theme for the party, ask what shall we put in the party bags etc etc. She’ll get over it!

You could also offer to take her and a friend to the other place she likes another time?

Exactly. There are many, many situations where children SHOULD go with what adults think is best for them, because adults know best, but YOUR party is something YOU get to chose, obviously within adult budgets and stuff, but these people saying allowing a kid to have a say in their own party is spoiling them are crazy!

Don’t let your 3yr old call the shots.

There are lots of things that children shouldn't get a say in, but where they have their own party is actually one of the few they should. It sounds like you booked the party without consulting her. I think you should re-plan the party. Obviously you don't just have to do whatever she wants, if X party is too expensive then you can tell her that. Give her a few reasonably priced options X play area, or a party at home for example. Or X play area or Y trampolining place or whatever. It IS about her, and so it should be.

Where on earth did you get that conclusion?

Probably from you saying that this three year old was 'lucky to be having a party' and that she should appreciate it.

Presumably the OP has arranged a party in the first place for her child because she actually likes her and wants her to have a lovely birthday.

Agree. Of maybe take them to a park if weather is nice.