Mum and DH being horrid about getting more cats

Its only shouting and verbal abuse? Oh that's fine then 🙄

Exactly how "apeshit" do you think a quadraplegic can go @ForRealCat ?
The most he could do was shout, he is physically incapable of anything else.

You can object to more cats in an adult way, or you can go "apeshit" at you partner. Its the apeshit part we object to. Not the not wanting to get a cat

You've been given some bloody awful advice on this thread OP, I am sorry.

I think you deserve your cats, but I think you need to park that for now. Not because you shouldn't have them, but because I think you need to sort out the situation with your husband first. No one, whatever their situation is entitled to abuse another. He sounds like an absolute cock, and I am appalled at the people on this thread who have said about "how tough he must have it", yeah sure, but that doesn't give him licence to treat you like his punch-bag, slave or carer forever more.

I think you need to tell him that you are his WIFE, not his servant, and unless he wants to treat you with some respect you will be speaking with a solicitor.

Genuinely, leave the bastard. Then get as many fucking cats, goldfish or bloody dingos as you like OP. Good luck to you

I've read all the OP's posts. Yes he needs to sort the situation with the house he was left a part share in out and her mother sounds appalling, but the sticking point she raised was the cats, which the OP wants and he doesn't.

I'm afraid the words "put in his room" sit very ill with me. Getting a care agency to do visits that allow for the time most adults go to bed is nigh impossible and he may as much a victim of this as she is. There are ways round this but there has to be the will to do so.

Agree totally with this.
Poor bloke.
When it comes to pets you've both got to be on board.

Is there reason he hasn't explained? My first thought was that maybe he's concerned about a new cat climbing on him? It must be very stressful knowing that he can't do anything to move things and having a mobile animal that he doesn't know to be predictable that could be a concern?
However your MIL needs to butt out, and your husband needs to talk about why, not just say no without giving a reason.

It's my lived experience. What's yours

It wasn't just about the cats.

Op deals daily with the man nappies, with the perpetual smell, with dealing with ALL the detail of every day life without any support from him. She has DC to care for. She is the breadwinner. She has no husband to fill her needs. Only his to fill. Yet she doesn't complain . Only wanting to not be abused and have a couple of cats. Yet he feels it's ok to give her abuse. Does anyone really believe granted the abuse and his selfishness in refusing her a couple of cats to give her solace that were the situation reversed HE would be still there hanging on after 4 years? Well in his position I would grant her a herd of hippos if she wanted it.

I really hope some people on this thread, recommending OP leave her quadraplegic husband and "enjoy her life" on no other evidence than he objects to more cats, are never in the the position he is. I say that as a fulltime carer, not the cared for person.

Of course he could have been a nightmare and the marriage on the rocks before this happened to him, but we don't know that, only what the OP has said.

You’re not being unreasonable but I think you should cut them both off and enjoy your life with DC and cats! You sound deeply unhappy and your DH sounds miserable, I wouldn’t be lifting a finger for a miserable man, quadriplegic or not. Also your mother’s opinion is irrelevant, you should tell them both to do one imo.

Your OH retires to bed at 9

He is put to bed at 9 as that is when the carers come. He doesn't have a choice.

Is he just left alone in his room until they come to get him up in the morning? Does he have access to technology that enables him to make calls, read, use the internet, watch tv or listen to music?

Yes, because I was trying to explain his behaviour to her, as she seems perplexed as to why he overreacted so much.

Once again you are conflating explanation with justification. They're not the same thing.

I would do it anyway....for me! You need joy in your life aswell.

Your mum can shut up....no say at all unless she has something constructive to say....NOT a rant.
Your OH retires to bed at 9 so doesn't interact.

If your children agree they would like them and are willing to take some responsibility then just do it.

Disabled people can be selfish too when your attention is diverted from their needs.

People say that pets have to be a joint decision otherwise it's a no. But how is that fair either? If you already have a cat, then getting another isn't a big issue. You had two before. Getting 2 more would be more of an issue though. He wants no more cats, you want 2 more cats. The obvious compromise is to get just 1 cat. It's not fair that he loses his shit. Your mother is way out of order.
I'm not surprised that he is bad tempered. I'm not surprised that you are fed up and lonely. Do you get any respite? Could you go out one or two evenings a week to make friends and do things for yourself?

They hate pets on MN OP.

FWIW I feel sorry for you. Yes, getting pets is a joint decision but let’s be honest OP’s life is hardly full of joy. She works her arse off and plays skivvy to her family with no help. If these kitties can give her a bit of much needed love, why shouldn’t she have them.

Just noting that my two girls who we got at 7 months as a bonded pair have been together since they were 4 weeks old. Mostly they adore each other but once in a while go a bit crazy and play fight robustly. Occasionally I have to split them up fkr half an hour. The op's dh can't do that.

Compromise on one more cat rather than 2 (half as much food and insurance costs)

Having lived with someone who was at times very frustrated by his conditions I know only too well that what he said wasn’t always what he meant, and I expect this is true here s well. They have a 14 year old placid cat, and the OP intends imposing an additional 2 young cats on the household when he has absolutely not control over his environment.

If we are going to talk about over reaching, most of this thread has interpreted ‘apeshit”, whatever that means, to be abusive. Again, I know people, my husband included, who would be driven to tears of frustration at times because of some of the limitations he faced, and that frustration would sometimes manifest itself in all sorts of ways. But it was never ‘aimed’ at me, even if I was in the vicinity. I got that.

But it’s clear that the whole cat thing is a diversion. There are far deeper issues to resolve. The OP is frustrated about being bounced into being a carer, with all the stress that brings. I know. I’ve been there. She didn’t ask for that life. Her husband is frustrated at the situation he finds himself in, and his complete lack of control over his life. He didn’t ask for that either The OP thinks cats will help her. But clearly not her husband. They both, separately and together, need counselling and far more support. The cats are a just a way of kicking the can down the road and avoiding the real issues.

Get the cats! I thought you were going to say you’d got 10 already or something

yes it’s a difficult time for your husband but that’s not an excuse to be horrible

i think it’s worth the risk but would maybe start with 1 extra cat. My dad got sick a few years ago with a terminal condition. I bought my mum and dad a dog, didn’t tell them, literally turned up at the door with a puppy. It was a huge risk (but I had a back up plan to keep the dog if it didn’t work). It turned out to be the best decision ever, the dog brought so much joy into their life and massively helped my mum stay positive. It might not work out for you but I think it’s worth the risk. It’s your life too.

I actually think you should get them

Your situation has no bearing on the OP's

And as he loves their surviving cat your opinion is not in the slightest bit relevant