Mum and DH being horrid about getting more cats

So Win / Win / Win / Win then.

(You happy, husband happy, kids happy, no need to deal with your awful mother.)

Sounds wonderful.

Love a happy ending!

And batshit mother has gone NC? Result!

They are adorable 🥰 Glad you did something for yourself and that your immediate family love the cats too.
If your mother is still not speaking then I would be questioning her real agenda. Maybe time to re-evaluate that relationship and possibly get some counselling.

They are absolutely gorgeous. So pleased your DH has taken to them. I hope he gets plenty of enjoyment out of them as will you all

LTB, KTC (keep the cats).

I do feel for you. I am also a carer. My husband has advanced Parkinson’s Disease. I feel very lonely at times and there is no fun in our relationship any more. I wanted a dog for companionship and some fun in my life. My husband really didn’t want one, but I decided to go ahead anyway. I now have a lovely little dog to take care of. Walking him is my respite time. My husband has come round, and actually quite likes him now, even though it took a while.
I very much understand how lonely you feel. And I would say go ahead and get a cat if it will help you.
Carers need support too.

I didn’t say DH was to be ‘put away’. I said the money could be put away for care in later life.

Totally agree with NotOneOfTheCrowd

Other than costs, it's really not.

If you're feeding one you can just as easily feed three.
If you're walking one you can walk three together.

It's really just the financial side that makes a difference

Im a carer for my husband and totally understand where you’re at! Especially if he’s unhappy. My husband had 2 strokes 3 years ago, I don’t think he’s anywhere near as bad as your husband, but he can’t do anything on his own. It’s hard work. Immid 60’s and he’s late 70’s so unlike you we have had a life together, so I really sympathise with you. It must be so hard to be at home on your own every night and missing out on a good relationship with your husband or going out with friends. Everything falls on you. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but if you get another cat will it make him worse.? Sending hugs and empathy. 🥰

The only thing I'd say from experience is that rescue cats tend to come with problems, that's often why they are being rehomed.

Bless you, people on here can be so horrible. It’s like they think only his opinion matters, it doesn’t. If these little cats will give you some solace and peace of mind, then you’re as entitled as him to decide what happens in your home. As its you that does everything then I don’t see why it matters to him, it’s not like he’ll be looking after them.
as for your mother, I’d tell her to mind her own business and not take her calls for a while, let her get the message that you’re not a doormat that everyone can speak to as they like. You need to make this stand before your children start following suit and thinking, ‘that’s how everyone talks to mum’.

All those saying the OP can not make an individual decision on this. Well he made an individual decision not to release equity of an inherited house which means the family have less resources. Who takes the brunt of that. That would be OP wouldn't it who works and cares and looks after two children and has an abusive parent to contend with.
All OP wants is two cats. Two cats aren't a problem. It's the fact her partner and mother have no concept of the sacrifices OP is making or any concept of what might add some joy to her life and think they can abusively tell her so.
The correct answer is. If it makes you happy then get the cats. No other answer is acceptable. He should actually want his wife to be happy not be nasty and abusive to her.

What an awful situation to find yourselves in OP. I really feel for both of you, and totally understand how difficult it must be for you, BUT however hard it is for you, you still have full use of your arms and legs, and in all honesty, I don't think anyone, except someone who has been there, can appreciate just how hard this must be for your DH. Why has no one helped him to gain his inheritance? Can you not engage a solicitor to act on his behalf, and pay for it from whatever he gets as his share?

OP, can I please ask, how your DH came to be quadroplegic? I'm assuming perhaps a road accident, but of course it could have been something else. Was he entitled to any form of compensation for his injuries? This and the situation regarding his inheritance are things that could be considered the 'back story' that you haven't given us, and may explain why, apart from his injuries, your DH, is not very pleasant these days. Did he take full advantage of the counselling that he presumably was offered? Do you think he needs further help?

I think the cats are just a tiny bit of what is going on, with you both feeling you want some control over something that is going on in your lives.

I think this is very right. I have a dog, and he is a big part of my life, any partners know this and know that dogs are something that are important to me. I am not sure it would be right if I were to lose the current dog for my partner to then have the unanimous veto over bringing new dogs into the home. It isn't a surprise, or a change in lifestyle.

I actually broke up with one boyfriend when he said he was prepared to tolerate this dog. The OP has cats, they are important to her, it isn't a surprise or something new.

I think as they’re kittens, two is better than one. They’ll be able to play with each other and not bother the older cat as much, which could also help with the integration.

@PersephoneSmith so you're suggesting that a marriage should end over cats?

Maybe one new cat rather than two could be the compromise?

Actually regarding big decisions like this, I don’t think it does have to be unanimous. How is it fair that one person’s no gets to trump everyone else’s yes? That could potentially lead to living in a dictatorship within your own house.

That was my point. He can make arrangements to separate, or ask her to leave. His needs and disability do not mean that the relationship has to carry on forever.

Really? A quadriplegic partner can just leave?

Yes, but this needs to be her DH decision ultimately. And perhaps a life perspective focused on having to be "put away" in storage is not the most conducive to him acting as a useful and loved father and husband.
Life and what we give others happens today, even if horrible things might happen in the future.
If horrible things is the main focus today, horrible things will be today already.

There is planning of course, but the price of it should not compromise everything else.