Mum and DH being horrid about getting more cats

Adding 2 more cats to a shared home should be mutually agreed on. Are there other things that make you happy, that you can do of an evening. Or any carers groups you could be part of?

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable and I think it is a need not a want for you to have something for you and some control over your life.

Can you afford it?

It would be a rare 9 year old cat that would enjoy having 2 young cats thrown into their home, competing for resources. I'd love to know how you 'know' your cat would be fine with it? Living with an older already resident cat is very different to 2 new young cats.
And do not underestimate health care costs for 3 pets. Can you not just enjoy the pet you do have?

Jesus....I cant even imagine how difficult your day to day life must be. You must have almost nothing for yourself with 2 kids and a profoundly disabled husband as well as being so lonely in your marriage 💐💐💐

That said...
What Specifically are your DH's objections? Is it the time spend on cats takes time from his care?
He is jealous of the cats?
Or something else? Ie the cats less is everywhere and not cleaned up so state of the house is not safe for children or you cannot properly care for the cats?
Why specifically does your mother also think its a bad idea? Why it is "stupid"?

He is not a pleasant person - what do you mean? / can you expand?

Agree with others there is pertinent background / context missing

I really think you need to find out why your DH objects so strongly and he needs to do this calmly. It would also help if your mum could either butt out or again explain calmly why she thinks it's a bad idea. Is your house messy perhaps?

Did your husband tell your mum because he knew you would ignore his input?

swearing and shouting is not in and quite bizarre. But just ignoring your husband because you’ll be watching them is out of order.

I told DH that I was thinking of getting another cat from a rescue centre, he went apeshit at me. he doesn't like cats

I understand. You need something for you, that gives you something else to think about, care about and to have fairly straightforward interactions with without emotional demands. On top of that, it feels empty without your other cat.
If the whole of your lives revolve around your husband’s condition, I really don’t think it’s wrong to want something for you. He needs to articulate what his objection actually is, it might be reasonable and you could talk about it, or it’s just about having his own way and you need to remind him that you have wants and needs too. Ignore your mother, you’re an adult, she cannot forbid you!

I hope things turn out for the best x

It needs to be a discussion. A civil discussion about why he doesn't want a cat and why she wants one.

Given his disability, he might feel that he no longer has a say in anything, as there's nothing he can do. That must be dreadfully difficult.

OP already stated he likes cats.

Please do not allow your mother to speak to you like that. Every single time she tries, hang up. If she tries messaging abuse, block her. If she turns up at the house and is abusive, ask her to leave. Stay calm, but you do not have to tolerate this at all.

I am sorry, you are shouldering an awful lot.

DH is an equal adult in his home. He's not a child. He should have a say in wether or not there's another cat. Maybe he doesn't like the cats?

it was only a matter of time until the LTB brigade arrived.

I appreciate that being a carer is difficult, but the contempt with which you speak about your DH is horrible.

“I have no joy in my life;he gets put into his room at 9:00” you clearly hate him and resent his disability. I don’t imagine that it’s a picnic for him either.

Have you all had any counselling since he became disabled? Because you would likely benefit from it from all sides.

In terms of a cat, while it’s understandable that you might want another cat, regardless of his status now, this is still your DH’s home as well and he still has as much of say as you do. You need to stop infantilising him, because he is still an equal part of your home, disability or not.

TBH bringing in a bonded pair is never going to be a good idea and it’s highly likely your quiet and gentle cat is going to end up being pushed out.

Introducing new cats into an already established cat’s home rarely goes well.

Why is your mum involved?
Can your DH calmly tell you his objections?
Is it the money? Sounds like you don't have much coming in.

Can you divorce?

He does have a say, but his isn’t the final say. Why does his “no” trump ops “yes” if she is going to be the one looking after them and paying for them?

Unless your mother is going to be expected to look after said cats, it is nothing to do with her and I’d be telling her that in no uncertain terms. And unless your DH could give you a very good, valid reason as to why he doesn’t want the cats, I’d be getting them. It sounds like you’ve all had an awful few years and if these cats will bring you joy? Why not.

But it's his house too. He has a say. And like an earlier poster said, whether it's pets or babies everyone needs to agree. You're not being fair on him.

Why aren't you allowed cats though I don't get it ?

Just because her dh is quadriplegic doesn’t mean op can’t have a life.
I can’t imagine having a severely disabled dh and 2 dc.
Op gets very little already.
Her dh shouldn’t be involving her dm.

@FloydWasACat what was your relationship like before your dh became disabled?
You don’t have to stay with your dh just because he’s disabled.