Mum and DH being horrid about getting more cats

Your DH must feel like he has no control over any part of his life. (I know you must feel the same too). He has said what he feels about the cats and you’ve over-ridden him.

You need to have a proper talk with him and get to the bottom of how he’s feeling. He might have good reasons for not wanting them and at the moment you’re not listening.

It sounds like you have a hard life, OP, not sure more cats will make it any easier.

I think you are being unreasonable on your husband who presumably spends the bulk of time at home due to his circumstances & new cats can be difficult, anxious, untrained (toileting wise)

Your mother less so. Tell her to mind her own business

I think the issue of getting more cats is only highlighting deep seated issues within your family.

You have a lot on your plate, OP, but why are you doing everything? Your children are 9 and 15. They are old enough to be responsible for some of the chores in the house.

While I agree that your husband gets a say in whether there will be new pets, he does not get to be abusive and tattle to your mom. Your mom is also completely out of order. Just because you are your husband's carer does not mean you also have to be an emotional punching bag for him. I would remind him that he can either speak respectfully to you or he can shut up.

As for your mom, I'd be going low contact with her at the very least. You have a right to set boundaries, you also have a right to get some enjoyment out of life. However, I think that some hobbies outside of the home would be a better first step.

When it comes to getting another cat, I would put that on the back burner till you have resolved some of the other issues. You should also remember that kittens are full of energy while your 9 year old cat is just coming to a stage of life where she is slowing down. Furthermore, having to share the house with new, unknown cats, will be extremely stressful for an established cat. Cats are very territorial and you will fundamentally change the atmosphere of what is currently her safe and familiar space. I don't think it will be as straight forward as you imagine, especially with such different energy levels between kittens and elderly cats.

I'm sorry OP, but I think you have overstepped the mark here by going behind your husband's back when he clearly had objections to you having more pets. It should be a joint decision, regardless of his disability he has an equal say in his own home.
Both he and your mother clearly feel that you already have enough on your plate as it is without taking on more responsibility. Cost is obviously an issue as well - feeding, vaccinations, vets bills, insurance etc. Can you afford it, as it sounds as though money is tight as it is?
That said, this is between you and your DH. It has absolutely nothing to do with your mother, unless she lives with you. If not, she is out of order and needs to butt out!

To the people who say he contributes nothing financially, you do know that there are quadriplegics who work don’t you?
Added to which full rate PIP is approx £737 a month, if he’s not working he will be receiving ESA, attendance allowance, and OP will likely receive carers allowance. And that’s before any other benefits which mean OP is able to work part time.

Claiming those benefits is of course not in question, but it’s not as straightforward as to say he contributes nothing financially.

Tbh this is nothing to do with your mum so she can jog on.
I think you should do everything you can to bring joy to your life and if it's cats it's cats .

’Do something for yourself’, absolutely. ‘Unilaterally buy more pets for the household when someone else living there has explicitly said he doesn’t want them’, no.

@meh2025 But why does the opinion of the No sayer trump the opinion of the yes to cats sayer?

Yes the person not wanting to live with more cats has the right not to in their own home.

But the person who does want to live with more cars has the right to do it. It's their hone too.

Cats and elephants are hardly similar are they?

This - OP you sound like you’ve become fixated on this as the solution to your happiness.

I'm sure OP would be more than happy to help him make the phone call and deal with all the other legal stuff.

Sure - he has NO SAY because he’s not working. He can just pick up the phone and call a solicitor … oh wait 😳

This. Please listen to experienced cat owners OP - it has a high % chance of going very wrong - which will upset your cat, cause hassle for you and you will end up rehoming them.

It’s incredibly naive to think because your cat got on with the previous one it will get on with the new ones. They are not pack animals like dogs.

I think it’s actually really mean of your husband to try to deny your right to some joy and happiness

tbh if you had his problems would he have stuck around ?
hoe many men leave women when they get cancer or serious illness ?

I also think it was shittybofbhim shit stirring to your mum
I mean he literally told in you to you’re mum !! That would make me feel sick

get the cats op and enjoy them

Your current cat may very well resent two new cats.
My older cat utterly hated two kittens I rescued, though her detestation of them did seem to perk her up a bit and give her a purpose in life.

You absolutely do not know your cat will be fine. Cat’s are very unpredictable.
She’s relatively old and the imposition of 2 young related cats may be very distressing for her. She has a her own territory and family and they will come in and dominate. I don’t know how much experience you have of introducing cats (not enough by the sounds of it) but this could go very wrong.

It feels to me like you’re projecting your own loneliness onto the cat and trying to resolve that, rather than thinking rationally.

No woman should ever feel obliged to stay married if she’s unhappy!
Unpopular opinion possibly, but you don’t have to become the default carer for your DH.

It is still your choice and as he’s taking you for granted, you need to remind him that you are not obligated just because you’re married to him and you could choose to get divorced.

Are you struggling financially as a family? Your dhs concerns seem to be about money and there is this backstory with the house / siblings. Is your Mum reacting strongly because you’ve expressed money concerns?

I wouldn’t take on 2 new young cats with an older one. The older one is going to be pushed out. If you really want to get another cat then get a single, older one but many older cats don’t actually do well with new cats coming into their home. If you can’t afford very good pet insurance for all of the animals then you can’t afford them.

I think you’ve latched onto the cat idea when it isn’t really about that.

OP, cats aside, you say he is unpleasant to be around. Would you stay with him if he was this unpleasant pre accident? Don’t put up with someone being unpleasant to you just because they’re disabled.

This is not in the slightest bit ableist.

Caring for a quadriplegic can only be incredibly difficult, life altering and in OPs case, very lonely. Residential care should absolutely be a conversation and an option on the table. I would never want family caring for me in that situation, it's far too much for most people to bear.

And whether he was a wheelchair user or not, he is not contributing to the cost of these new cats. He has the opportunity to address the issue of his inheritance and lighten the financial burden on OP, but he's not doing it. And then he has the audacity to try and dictate our OP spends her salary? Nope, sorry.

Now if the cats are causing a ruckus at home, are otherwise seriously impacting the quality of life for this family, then that's a conversation to be had, but not in the horrible way OPs DH and DM have tried to have it but attacking this woman.

And for what it's worth, I don't even like cats, but OP and her remaining cat are lonely and this sounds like something that could help.

I think you need stuff OUT of the home not
More things in the home. So money goes on babysitters not cats (vets bills are v high nowadays) -please get an interest out of the home -not just the carers group. Your Dh will possibly be jealous of this and your DM disapproving but please ignore - the days when wives devoted themselves solely to the needs of others is gone -and it would be a good example to your DD

Sorry, is she supposed to tart up her language to make you feel better about her husbands disability?

Yeah he’s put in his room. You can prefer “supported with evening routine before being assisted into bed” or whatever else you want to call it but it means the same thing. Her partner is not available to spend time with her after 9pm and she’s lonely.

I know the comfort cats can bring. But I wouldn't get 2 youngsters as they would gang up on the older one and I'd be worried about him leaving home.

Maybe a single youngster or slightly older than that. Your existing cat needs to be able to stay dominant.

Present that as a compromise.

I don't think you should deny yourself or your children such pleasures at home.

Would be needing a really compelling reason from DH as to why his reasons outweigh yours.

Why is she ‘in charge’ - is it because someone who no longer has the use of his limbs now cannot be allowed to have an opinion or make a decision? You’re infantilising an adult whilst being extremely ableist at the same time.