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AIBU?

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Original poster

Humiliated by mil

162 replies

DustyD · 31/01/2025 23:32

I need some advice.
Been with Dp for one year, we are very happy. Tonight mil embarrassed me by revealing something to a kitchen full of people (family event) that we were talking about earlier in the day. She was making fun of me in a very bitchy way, very low and brutal without revealing it was me. The other guests were joining in and this revelation and it was all taken as a joke.

She then revealed where this person was from which was very obvious it was me ( I'm from a different area)

I was sitting there totally humiliated while everyone was laughing at my expense as if this was a big joke.
I am a sensitive person but my Dp who didn't stick up for me when I said I don't like this, she said what can I do?
She also agrees with me it was completely out of order and a very low blow, and will be talking to her Dm.

I'm considering ending the relationship because is this the family I want to be apart of ?

Aibu

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 01/02/2025 01:17

Are you sure she was mocking you and not just teasing?

RawBloomers · 01/02/2025 01:13

In my experience it is unusual to have a family gathering where everyone felt comfortable mocking not just a stranger, but someone who was right there. I don't think I've been in an adult gathering where most people, let alone everyone, would have been comfortable with that. So I'm just wondering if this was not as poorly intended as it felt to you at the time?

Is this something that you're particularly sensitive about, maybe especially because you feel like a bit of an odd one out at the gathering? Would some people be fine and laugh along? Or would it have been fine if it was a group of friends you trusted more?

It might not make any difference. Even if MiL wasn't trying to intentionally put you down but this is just the way that family are and it's not a way of relating that you are comfortable with, then the relationship may not be a good fit for you anyway. But if it is just be down to different understandings about where the lines are and there was no malice involved then there is the possibility you can learn to get on together in a way that's mutually respectful if you talk to her about how this made you feel.

WhingeInTheWillows · 01/02/2025 01:01

Is this out of character for your MIL? If it is then see what she does after your partner speaks to her. I’d expect an apology and her promise not to do something like that again.

If she is like this regularly then you’re right to question the relationship. You could end up with years of this, that would be a ‘no’ for me.

Eenameenadeeka · 01/02/2025 00:56

If they won't stand up for you they aren't a decent partner.

PizzaPunk · 01/02/2025 00:50

TheaBrandt · 01/02/2025 00:49

She’s not your mother in law she’s your boyfriend’s mum would not spend any more time with her.

Girlfriend's mum.

OP, you said she's going to have a word with her mum so what more can she do?

If she'd have spoken up at the time, it would've been like actually naming you.

TheaBrandt · 01/02/2025 00:49

She’s not your mother in law she’s your boyfriend’s mum would not spend any more time with her.

Alalalala · 01/02/2025 00:48

That’s horrific. I wouldn’t immediately dump your partner but a very strong boundary needs to be put in place and you need to know your partner has your back.

She may have some FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) paralysing her in terms of not being able to stick up for you or herself within her family.

healthybychristmas · 01/02/2025 00:42

Oh god, I would get out of that family as fast as I could. Is there anything keeping you with your partner? Children? Shared housing? If not I would be off as fast as I could.

Original poster
DustyD · 01/02/2025 00:09

NowThatYouSayIt · 01/02/2025 00:04

Well, surely if your partner had defended you in front of the gathering, it would have made it explicit to everyone there that you were the one they were mocking, thereby humiliating you further?

Just to add extra context, mil made it known it was me being mocked because she told everyone where this person was from so it was very obvious it was me as I'm from a different part of the country.
Everyone's eyes were all on me and laughing

OP posts:
fairycakes1234 · 01/02/2025 00:05

I'd keep away from her but wouldn't take it out on your partner x

NowThatYouSayIt · 01/02/2025 00:04

Well, surely if your partner had defended you in front of the gathering, it would have made it explicit to everyone there that you were the one they were mocking, thereby humiliating you further?

Gymnopedie · 31/01/2025 23:59

If this is typical of MIL, yes I'd say get out.

I'm wondering if she was enjoying being the centre of attention (rather too much) and didn't care what she said.

Withoout knowing what it was and what she said (and I'm not asking) it's for you to decide. But I'd think about the context when you do. If she's generally a blabbermouth you will never be able to tell her anything, you'll be limited to conversations about the weather. And would DP back you up or also blab? 'What can I do?' is feeble, to put it politely. It doesn't sound like she'd have your back.