Humiliated by mil

Yes, you said that, but a lot of other people come from different parts of the country! Wouldn’t you have felt worse being mocked by name, if your girlfriend had said ‘Hey, Mum, stop talking about @DustyD like that?

What lifestyle choices? I can’t imagine what they could be that would cause so much drama

Why are you the one that has to move? I wouldn't be moving anywhere near that. You will end up isolated and possibly bullied.

I wonder if this is latent anger with her DD for being gay.

Did you tell your girlfriends dad you were hurt or did you pretend everything was ok? Honestly your girlfriend needs to sit down with both of them. Tell them it was completely unacceptable and if anything like that happens again neither of you will be coming around again. If that doesn't happen then you may as well leave now because this will just get worse.

OP, can you please stop using the b-word to describe another woman? It's dehumanizing, especially as you give no specifics to your girlfriend's mom actual behavior.

We can only take your word for it that it was mean and humiliating. I do now doubt your word because you keep referring to female dogs when you are actually talking about another human being.

@CaptainMyCaptain and @IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle 🙌🏼 thanks - exactly my point. This is the "getting to know you" phase of the relationship, not the "having to put up with a mother in law" phase. It is easy to decide the set up is not for the OP and for her to end things.

You are giving up your old life to move in with your partner - potentially needing to change job, costs of moving, moving away from your family and friends and moving to where you are an “outsider” in her close knit family and it now seems the butt of their jokes.

What is she giving up for you - she is staying in her cosy family world. What if once you have moved (and it’s difficult and costly for you to move back) she shows that she is cut from the same cloth as her mother and is just as bitchy. Sometimes when you have given up your normal life for someone else they show their true colours.

How many partnerships/marriages founder because of how the in-laws behave?

Agree. This woman is not OP's mother in law. It's over dramatising and it's easy for her to extract herself.

I don't think it is pedantic. The point is that this is a relatively new relationship and not too late to back off.

Maybe she should move to you rather than you give up everything

Teasing is gentle and not intended to hurt. OP said she is sensitive so I wanted to check before giving my input as teasing and mocking are two very different things. Teasing is something you do with people you like and feel comfortable with.

Do not uproot your whole life for a person who thinks it's OK for their family to mock you

When people show you when they are, pay attention

My MIL is cruel and has turned it on me. This has never made me want to leave my partner but he has stood up for me in the past against her. She now never turns her cruelty on me. If he hadn’t said something this would have made me think about leaving as it would have been about his behaviour. I also avoid some family gatherings and my partner is fine with this. I would speak to your GF as she may not realise what this is doing for you and make it clear something needs to change and go from there

This. Leave, it will not get better if your partner is not prepared to defend you and allows you to be humiliated in front of everyone.

what a nasty family.

I’m sorry. She sounds like a bitch in that case. Unfortunately people like her don’t change - the only way to handle them is not to give them the ammunition. It’s sad though when you can’t talk to family for fear of it being used against you later.

The only other way is to call them out: “I think you’re referring to me MIL. That was a private conversation so thanks for sharing with everyone”.

@Newfoundzestforlife I didn't miss the point at all. I made a new point. It's not petty or pedantic. This woman is not the OP's mother in law by any stretch of the imagination. This is the mother of someone she's dating. I'd have had a hell of a lot of mothers in law in my life if I applied the term to such people.

@TravellingTartan even if they don't live with your child and have only been with them a year ? At what point do they start calling you that? After the first date? After a week? A month?

Why can’t GF move to where you live?

I wouldn’t be uprooting my life to be a punching bag for this horrible woman.

Hard one. I’d say the biggest problem is the combination of uprooting your life and the closeness of your DP’s family.

You’ll be further away from your family and friends in a new place and that’ll make you extra vulnerable. Then, given the closeness of your DP to her mother, you’ll be seeing MIL a lot.

I don’t give a shit what people think of me. Can mock me all they like. They’re the joke if they do. But I’m not sure I could spend a lot of time with the sort of dick who takes my personal info and makes it into a hilarious joke to regale the guests at one of their parties.

If you want to stay with your DP, can she move to be with you? So, you stay where you’re comfortable and her mother’s at a distance. If she can’t, as her family come first, you have your answer. They matter to her more than you.

I wouldn’t move.

Singling one person out to humiliate them is a pretty sick idea of fun....and then you make it worse by branding the OP "sensitive".
Jesus wept.

In some families, laughing with each other and slagging is considered fun and loving. It is clear that the OP didn't enjoy this incident, but please do try to understand that not everything is malicious. OP can explain that she doesn't enjoy teasing/slagging/jokes. Likely not at all meant meanly. Some families are fun, others aren't. Just a cultural difference. Important, yes, because the OP doesn't enjoy it. But Mumsnet baying about the MIL being awful is really over the top. Likely just a misunderstanding of how sensitive the OP is. The DIL likely checked on her because she got so quiet. That's really nice.

You missed the point spectacularly....petty and pedantic.

When an individual is singled out by a group it is a common human response to go quiet rather than retaliate.

It is very important to understand the range of normal human responses to difficult situations is wide.

Criticising a quiet response is victim-blaming.