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Original poster

Lovely colleague confession

37 replies

Clothesairerinmywindow · 31/01/2025 20:02

I've name changed for this but I'm a long time user.
My lovely colleague asked to have a coffee and a lunchtime walk with me today.
She then confessed that she has been shoplifting and the news stories this week have made her paranoid to get arrested if she cant stop. She is a lovely human who is going through an absolutely terrible situation (the worst a parent can go through) so I think it's a grief reaction.. She steals earrings, hair clips, pens , little things. She doesn't want them or need them and sometimes feels so guilty she throws them out of the car window on the way home. I've suggested a counsellor might be able to help but now I'm worried that a counsellor would have to report to the police. Have I told her the right thing ? I'm panicking now too

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 10:40

lucya66 · 31/01/2025 22:18

Kleptomania it’s called

Misinformed,you’re called

lucya66 · 01/02/2025 06:08

lifeonmars100 · 31/01/2025 22:24

maybe read the whole thread and take on board the other far more compassionate and understanding responses

Show quote history

I did. I don’t see your point. Is your point my post wasn’t compassionate?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 31/01/2025 23:14

heyhopotato · 31/01/2025 20:52

Can she not at least donate them to women's shelters or charity instead of flytipping them?

I can’t tell if you’re joking or not…

PoorUncleBarry · 31/01/2025 22:29

I started shoplifting as a teenager after years of abuse, stupid things that I could afford but it made me feel something other than fear at home. My counselor didn't report me to anyone and was wonderfully reassuring.

maudelovesharold · 31/01/2025 22:25

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 31/01/2025 21:13

Buy her some gloves.. The few seconds it takes to get them off may be time enough to gather some sense..

I thought for a brief moment, that you were suggesting this so she wouldn’t leave any fingerprints…

lifeonmars100 · 31/01/2025 22:24

lucya66 · 31/01/2025 22:18

Kleptomania it’s called

maybe read the whole thread and take on board the other far more compassionate and understanding responses

lucya66 · 31/01/2025 22:18

Kleptomania it’s called

Emonade · 31/01/2025 22:15

Counsellors can only break confidentiality if you are a danger to yourself or others. You did the right thing.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 31/01/2025 21:53

@Clothesairerinmywindow i’ve PMed you with the names of a few organisations/charities that may be able to help her.

verycloakanddaggers · 31/01/2025 21:52

heyhopotato · 31/01/2025 20:52

Can she not at least donate them to women's shelters or charity instead of flytipping them?

For goodness sake, the woman has a serious issue due to a grief response. The priority is helping the woman, not guilt tripping about the items.

oakleaffy · 31/01/2025 21:49

Poor woman @Clothesairerinmywindow She sounds desperately unhappy, and taking these small things are in no way making her feel better- they are like the things a child would steal.
I hope she can access some really good counselling on NHS.

madamweb · 31/01/2025 21:48

Clothesairerinmywindow · 31/01/2025 21:18

Not of course, we didn't know which is why I asked

Show quote history

Completely reasonable to check, she's only going to get the help she needs once she has the confidence.

I am glad she felt safe to tell you. Hopefully just telling someone will have made her feel a little better

madamweb · 31/01/2025 21:46

A counsellor wouldn't report her.
That's for things where another person is at risk or has been harmed.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 31/01/2025 21:45

I’m a psychotherapist, she would not be reported for this. She would be supported with kindness and compassion.

Likewhatever · 31/01/2025 21:41

Post withdrawn

anon4net · 31/01/2025 21:37

This is a very common reaction to grief, trauma and impulsivity. She should not be reported as it is a crime that isn't a risk to immediate harm of others. She needs help and support. Compulsions can feel impossible to contain. Sounds like maybe it gives her a sense of control as her world fell apart.

Zone2NorthLondon · 31/01/2025 21:35

heyhopotato · 31/01/2025 20:52

Can she not at least donate them to women's shelters or charity instead of flytipping them?

Really? You’ve read a post about a woman in emotional turmoil acting recklessly and your mind went to make donations
I think the women shelter will manage fine without some hair slides

user1492757084 · 31/01/2025 21:33

Tell her to seek assistance with hypnotherapy.
She needs to believe that all stolen goods will burn her fingers or will turn to stinky poo once past the check out..

Original poster
Clothesairerinmywindow · 31/01/2025 21:19

We don't have an employee scheme but I think she is going to get private counselling

OP posts:
blab90 · 31/01/2025 21:19

I know that the situation is not the same but this also happened to me after I had my daughter and suffered awful PND. I can't explain why I started, why I did it or even why I stopped.
I only took small things like chocolate bars, bottles of water or small pieces of jewellery from Primark but I still feel guilty about it 8 years later.
Looking back now, I felt like I had no control over my life and I was severely unhappy. I think stealing made me feel SOMETHING when the rest of the time I felt numb.

Original poster
Clothesairerinmywindow · 31/01/2025 21:18

ItGhoul · 31/01/2025 21:11

Of course a counsellor won’t tell the police.

She definitely needs help; this is a recognised obsessive-compulsive condition.

Not of course, we didn't know which is why I asked

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 31/01/2025 21:14

A counsellor would absolutely not report her. Reporting is for things like child safety issues.
i think it could help. Your company may have an EAP system to give some free confidential advice.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 31/01/2025 21:13

Buy her some gloves.. The few seconds it takes to get them off may be time enough to gather some sense..

ItGhoul · 31/01/2025 21:11

Of course a counsellor won’t tell the police.

She definitely needs help; this is a recognised obsessive-compulsive condition.

PizzaPunk · 31/01/2025 21:03

Even if she stole the items in front of a police officer she wouldn't get arrested.