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AIBU?

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To not want to be a middleman in my sister's financial transaction?

66 replies

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 18:18

My sister lives in a different country, she's had visitors recently and has some arrangement that means they now owe her money. She's going to be visiting me in the next few months and asks that her friends cash app me the money and I give her the cash when she visits.

A bit of background to avoid drip feeding. When my sister visited me a few years ago she didn't want to exchange money because of fees so she asked me to cover expenses and used an app to track what she owed me while she was visiting. So, I paid for everything, and she noted what her portion would be. We went out for a few meals, and outings, and I cooked several meals at home, she happily drank my cheap wine and didn't buy any herself. At the end of trip she totted up, to the penny, what she 'owed me' and repaid exactly that amount, nothing extra for the meals I'd cooked, the tips I'd paid, the Lyfts we'd taken, or the wine I'd offered.

She has a well-paid job and takes frequent trips with friends. At the time she visited I was in the middle of a divorce and had just lost my job. I'm now divorced and in a reasonably well-paid job, I'm looking forward to seeing her, but feel a bit side swiped by this request.

Am I Being Unreasonable to refuse to be the middleman in her financial arrangements with her visitors?

OP posts:
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Snowmanscarf · 01/02/2025 07:23

Yes, that’s fine. If she carries on trying to persuade you, just stand firm, and send her the suggestions that people have posted above.

As you said, she’s a grown up.

JimHalpertsWife · 31/01/2025 23:33

Of course it's reasonable.

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 23:29

So, I've responded to say I don't have the cash app she wants to use, and I'd rather not get financially involved with someone I've never met.

That's perfectly reasonable, no?

OP posts:
Oodiks · 31/01/2025 23:14

Motomum23 · 31/01/2025 23:06

Hmm I wouldn't want to be holding on to someone else's money for so long. Her reasons also don't really make sense - it would if it was an American friend paying you in usd from their American bank... no exchange fees. But its 3 different countries so there's always going to be an exchange fee.
Just say you didn't enjoy having to keep a running tally on spending when she visited last time so suggest she finds a currency transaction fee free credit card and sorts out her own costs

Actually, I don't know where the friend is based, could be here or in the UK.
There's no point saying I don't enjoy keeping a running tally, because she'll point out that she has a handy dandy little app for that! I'm just going to have to explain I'm not comfortable splitting costs the way we did last time.

OP posts:
Motomum23 · 31/01/2025 23:06

Hmm I wouldn't want to be holding on to someone else's money for so long. Her reasons also don't really make sense - it would if it was an American friend paying you in usd from their American bank... no exchange fees. But its 3 different countries so there's always going to be an exchange fee.
Just say you didn't enjoy having to keep a running tally on spending when she visited last time so suggest she finds a currency transaction fee free credit card and sorts out her own costs

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 23:01

Beesandhoney123 · 31/01/2025 22:56

Sounds as dodgy as fuck to me.
Say no, because it will be seen as income and will affect your benefits. Or something like that.

You don't know them, and even if you did, the whole thing sounds madly complicated. And keeps your sister at arms length from a transaction which results in her having cash.

I appreciate your concern, but I really don't think she's doing anything dodgy except on a personal level.

OP posts:
Beesandhoney123 · 31/01/2025 22:56

Sounds as dodgy as fuck to me.
Say no, because it will be seen as income and will affect your benefits. Or something like that.

You don't know them, and even if you did, the whole thing sounds madly complicated. And keeps your sister at arms length from a transaction which results in her having cash.

JoyousPinkPeer · 31/01/2025 22:48

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 19:11

What's a CF?
She's not even clear that she's going to be staying with me. She's coming to my area for work reasons and will be put up in a hotel for part of her stay. She's mentioned inviting another friend to visit while she's here. I've told her I can't put her friend up and she's fine with that.

CF = Cheeky !ucker

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 21:58

JimHalpertsWife · 31/01/2025 21:40

Can't she just get a Monzo card and get over herself?

I guess we'll find out...

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 31/01/2025 21:40

Can't she just get a Monzo card and get over herself?

Colddayhotcuppa · 31/01/2025 21:14

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 20:34

I see what you're saying, but she doesn't have to rely on me, she's a grown up and can figure it out.

Really impressed with this response 👏 👌

Honeyroar · 31/01/2025 21:01

You could give her a proportion of the money - tell her you’ve retained a portion to cover things she didn’t pay you for last time (and a little bit to cover what she’ll probably swindle you out of this time too).

Seriously I’d just say no, you don’t want the hassle, thanks.

Choccyscofffy · 31/01/2025 20:54

So, I paid for everything, and she noted what her portion would be. We went out for a few meals, and outings, and I cooked several meals at home, she happily drank my cheap wine and didn't buy any herself. At the end of trip she totted up, to the penny, what she 'owed me' and repaid exactly that amount, nothing extra for the meals I'd cooked, the tips I'd paid, the Lyfts we'd taken, or the wine I'd offered.

What’s your plan for not being taken advantage of this time?

Boutonnière · 31/01/2025 20:53

The very tight bit of her behaviour than rankles with me is you covering the tips and her paying her exact share. I dislike the US tipping culture but I fully accept that when I visit the States and go out with friends, the share I will pay is based on the total of what is considered the norm there. And if you are all dining out when you would not otherwise do so as much, then she should make the gesture to split the bill in two, if not spring for the lot, occasionally. Though maybe sibling history makes that kind of politeness not as likely !

mandarinchocolate · 31/01/2025 20:50

OP, what amount of money is she wanting her friends to transfer to you? Hundreds or thousands of $?

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 20:34

Namerequired · 31/01/2025 20:23

Yanbu but it may be in your favour if she has cash so she’s not relying on you

I see what you're saying, but she doesn't have to rely on me, she's a grown up and can figure it out.

OP posts:
Namerequired · 31/01/2025 20:23

Yanbu but it may be in your favour if she has cash so she’s not relying on you

championsu · 31/01/2025 20:14

They are two separate things.

Her not paying her way/being really cheap is one thing.

The cash app is another thing.

I'd do it for my sister.

Noshowlomo · 31/01/2025 20:12

Cheeky fucker - CF

Mum4MrA · 31/01/2025 20:09

CF is a cheeky f**ker

VWT5 · 31/01/2025 20:06

You understandably felt a bit put out and cheated with her accounting method when she stayed with you.

If you help her with this, then her guests might feel similarly cheated or put out - and you then potentially become part of that too….

Oodiks · 31/01/2025 20:04

Irridescantshimmmer · 31/01/2025 20:04

Just tell her no.

If she asks why, tell her what you said in your post and ask for her to pay you in cash ( GBP) as soon as she arrives.

Once biten, twice shy......she will realise she can't manipulate you financially like she did last time, she is a CF.

Again, what is a CF?

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 31/01/2025 20:04

Just tell her no.

If she asks why, tell her what you said in your post and ask for her to pay you in cash ( GBP) as soon as she arrives.

Once biten, twice shy......she will realise she can't manipulate you financially like she did last time, she is a CF.

ShushImTalking · 31/01/2025 19:58

Say no, sort your own finances.
Keep things simple. 😊