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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to request a “gift” back?

229 replies

requestingagiftback · 31/01/2025 17:04

I met another mum at a soft play and we hit it off, following week we had a playdate at mine.
My daughter is same reception year however DD is very tall for her age so is in next size up, her DD is very small so next size down.
I had a large bag of clothes (dresses, leggings, tops etc) I was going to sell but in the spirit of extending the arm of friendship I offered her the bag which she gratefully accepted as I believe her finances differ to ours (I mean we’re not rich by any means and the money could of helped but she is a single mom and maybe i’m a sucker 🤷🏻‍♀️)

The playdate seemed to go well and we talked about setting up another one when she left.
However the next morning she text me to say that while she really liked me and blah blah blah lots of nice qualities, there was a part of the day she has decided was a deal breaker for her due to her own personal experiences and did not want to progress the relationship any further.
I accept that as I adamantly don't want to force myself upon anyone or press a boundary. I won’t discuss this here as that isn’t the point nor does it matter.

What I do want advice on is, is it acceptable for me to text her and say that I’d like the clothes back as tbh it feels like if I’m not good enough then neither should my stuff be?!? I can’t decide if maybe im just being/coming across a bit petty and am all up in my head over it?!?

so….

AIBU:

Yes: Tough tiddies, I gave them, too late now.

No: Sending a message asking for them back, whilst odd, is not unreasonable.

OP posts:
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Windsorlady · 19/02/2025 11:39

Maybe she feels embarrested for accepting the bag of clothes..she may have v.little money and plans on selling some of the clothes and thinks you may ask why u havnt seen them..dont ask for the clothes back ..just be kind xxxx

JollyViper · 01/02/2025 11:12

Christmassoxs · 01/02/2025 11:09

Oh ffs on what grounds? Because OP is sulking with responses given ?
Sorry PPs you might have wasted your time AGAIN on advising / responding and trying to help.

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Because sat 17.59 op wrote
I can’t seem to delete the post but hopefully people can respect what I’ve said

Christmassoxs · 01/02/2025 11:09

JollyViper · 01/02/2025 01:04

@requestingagiftback you can ask for your thread to be deleted if you report it, look below the op box and you should see the option of 'report'

Oh ffs on what grounds? Because OP is sulking with responses given ?
Sorry PPs you might have wasted your time AGAIN on advising / responding and trying to help.

Threecraws · 01/02/2025 08:22

NotTerfNorCis · 31/01/2025 21:44

That was my thought, too. Or something similar.

But you don't accept a big(gish) gift from someone and then tell them you don't want to be friends with them. That's rude and weird. She should have given the clothes back.

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I wouldn't consider a bag of unwanted clothes a biggish gift. The recipient might have thought she was doing the op a favour by getting rid of them for her.

SALaw · 01/02/2025 08:14

@CarliLove35 sorry I just realised those things you name are MLMs. I try to avoid them at all costs 🤣

SALaw · 01/02/2025 08:12

CarliLove35 · 31/01/2025 19:30

I think she's a JW and tried to recruit the new friend into the cult.
Or she tried to sell her some Scentsy or FM perfume.
Or she's polyamorous and all three of her husbands came home from work at the same time.

Or much much worse - she has a MLM business and tried to recruit her into that. Imagine feeling trapped in someone's house with them banging on about being a business person and having a team then realising they have an MLM.

SALaw · 01/02/2025 07:50

@saraclara the OP has said it was nothing "political". My guesses are: (a) she dropped the C-bomb repeatedly, (b) she went to the toilet with the door open and carried on the conversation by shouting from there or (c) she did a line of coke mid-afternoon.

SALaw · 01/02/2025 07:47

It sounds like you were ridiculously full on here. Met one week, next week she's in your house and you're giving her a big bag of clothes, but you hardly knew each other. It quickly became apparent, to her at least, that you wouldn't be friends, so had you not been so full on immediately you would have worked that out and still had your bag of clothes.

Peachynose · 01/02/2025 06:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JollyViper · 01/02/2025 01:04

@requestingagiftback you can ask for your thread to be deleted if you report it, look below the op box and you should see the option of 'report'

ExercicenformedeZ · 31/01/2025 23:45

chakrakkhan · 31/01/2025 21:16

I find it odd to start a thread and not expect people to want to know the reason.

Odd, and also annoying. The reason is relevant. Even if OP doesn't want to give the exact reason, she could post an analogous one. I don't know why she won't, either. If this other mother is on MN, she would be able to recognize the sitatuion even without the exact details. I find OPs who are coy very annoying. OP, just post the reason! It is impossible to answer the question otherwise.

saraclara · 31/01/2025 22:07

pestowithwalnuts · 31/01/2025 21:52

You seem more bothered about the bag of clothes than this ' deal-breaker '
Personally I'd be concerned as and embarrassed that she didn't want a friendship.

Why? Several of the people I volunteer with have lost friends who don't approve of the people we help. Those fellow volunteers have done nothing to deserve it other than give up their time to help some incredibly vulnerable people.

They have no reason to be "embarrassed".

saraclara · 31/01/2025 22:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It really isn't. People are only asking to know so that they can judge whose side they're on, rather than whether the action OP wants to take is reasonable.

All that OP is asking is whether, given the unpleasant message she's been sent, she should ask for the clothes back.

pestowithwalnuts · 31/01/2025 21:52

You seem more bothered about the bag of clothes than this ' deal-breaker '
Personally I'd be concerned as and embarrassed that she didn't want a friendship.

nationalsausagefund · 31/01/2025 21:45

Ooh, cults – OP tried to recruit other mum into an MLM!

NotTerfNorCis · 31/01/2025 21:44

2025ohdear · 31/01/2025 21:11

I'm also going for JW as that happened to me once and was incredibly uncomfortable.

That was my thought, too. Or something similar.

But you don't accept a big(gish) gift from someone and then tell them you don't want to be friends with them. That's rude and weird. She should have given the clothes back.

2025ohdear · 31/01/2025 21:40

@Uneventfully

Mother very friendly and normal to begin with, couple play dates and then she laid on the heavy conversion dialogue. It was intense and clearly something she would continue doing. I ended contact. Saw her outside the cinema a few months later with a large placard trying to stop people. Heard from others she was a fairly average person until she fell in with JW. All for religious freedom but she was like a cult devotee.

chakrakkhan · 31/01/2025 21:16

I find it odd to start a thread and not expect people to want to know the reason.

Uneventfully · 31/01/2025 21:15

2025ohdear · 31/01/2025 21:11

I'm also going for JW as that happened to me once and was incredibly uncomfortable.

What happened?

2025ohdear · 31/01/2025 21:11

I'm also going for JW as that happened to me once and was incredibly uncomfortable.

Uneventfully · 31/01/2025 21:03

CarliLove35 · 31/01/2025 19:30

I think she's a JW and tried to recruit the new friend into the cult.
Or she tried to sell her some Scentsy or FM perfume.
Or she's polyamorous and all three of her husbands came home from work at the same time.

I also thought cult member. Alternatively...

OP is an anti-vaxxer
OP is either extremely anti-UPF or pro-UPF
OP swore at or picked a fight with the soft play staff/member of the public/other mum
OP said something racist
OP has bad BO or bad breath
OP got drunk or was drunk on the playdate
OP offered the friend some drugs
OP is the OW and reason for the friend's divorce...now that would be a most unfortunate twist of fate.

Sorry mind is going into overdrive trying to figure what would cause someone to send "that" text message.

BunnyLake · 31/01/2025 21:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OP doesn’t seem particularly bothered by something she said/did, just wondering what to do about the clothes. Of course that could mean the dealbreaker was something about nothing in most people’s eyes but it is curious.

pollyglot · 31/01/2025 20:50

Perhaps she was uncomfortable with the gift...I've only ever given DCs' clothes to really good friends...it's very intimate in a funny kind of way, giving clothing once loved and worn by your own flesh and blood.

LondonLawyer · 31/01/2025 20:45

I'd definitely feel annoyed OP. I think the clothes ship has sailed, however, so I'd suck that bit up.
I would send a mildly snarky message back, though, and console myself that I've dodged a drama queen for the future, though.

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/01/2025 19:44

Arran2024 · 31/01/2025 19:31

Re the adoption they just stopped being friends with me. I realised they were organising stuff without me. One woman did phone up and cancel a planned meet up and avoided me completely after that.

Re the special needs, that was more direct. One woman told me she didn't want our daughters playing together any more. And she organised an event for mums in the class and didn't invite me and basically avoided me.

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That's awful I just can't understand their reasoning. I'm so sorry this happened to you.