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Original poster

To believe that being selfish is underrated?

63 replies

CoralCrab · 31/01/2025 11:19

People act like selfishness is inherently bad but isn’t putting yourself first sometimes the healthiest thing you can do? AIBU to think we need to rethink our view of selfishness?

OP posts:
Blueroses99 · 31/01/2025 11:31

romdowa · 31/01/2025 11:24

What about the affect it has on the person themselves? You can't put your self out all the time to avoid affecting other people.

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Then you decline rather than let people down.

Createausername1970 · 31/01/2025 11:31

I think there is a difference between caring for yourself and being selfish.

Selfish is when you never consider others, always want things your way, always finish off the biscuits etc.

Putting your self first is taking a balanced view of whether its practical to do something.

I was asked this morning to do a shift for a charity I volunteer for. I looked at the date they wanted and said no. I was actually free on that afternoon, but I could see the rest of the week was packed, and that afternoon was the only time I had free that week, plus the morning appointment could over-run. On balance, I decided to keep my window of free time as a bit of breathing space for me. I am doing other sessions for them during the month.

I put myself first, but I don't consider it to be a selfish action.

Seymour5 · 31/01/2025 11:28

I'm in a hospital waiting room where everyone is quiet, even the TV has subtitles. Most people are reading or looking at phones. One person thinks it's OK to talk non stop at her phone which is not near her face. Not a short, quiet, possibly necessary call (those are fine) but conversations to several different people, one after another. That's selfish IMO.

Macrodatarefiner · 31/01/2025 11:28

ICanTellYouMissMe · 31/01/2025 11:23

I think culturally it's gone too far now though. Be selfish all you like, but if you continually flake on friends, as an example, for 'self-care' 🤢 then one day you'll wake up and nobody will be there for you.

Yes I agree with this. We've long been saturated in "self-care" rhetoric and as a society we are too selfish and the selfless among us are over burdened by what should be shared more equally. Time to bring back the honour in self sacrifice

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 31/01/2025 11:27

romdowa · 31/01/2025 11:24

What about the affect it has on the person themselves? You can't put your self out all the time to avoid affecting other people.

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Positive selfishness does not involve being a martyr. Negative selfishness though is when people only consider themselves

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 31/01/2025 11:25

ICanTellYouMissMe · 31/01/2025 11:23

I think culturally it's gone too far now though. Be selfish all you like, but if you continually flake on friends, as an example, for 'self-care' 🤢 then one day you'll wake up and nobody will be there for you.

I agree with this. I remember the recent 'cant be arsed to go to my friend's gathering' thread and some of the selfishness detailed there in the name of self care and just wanting to be with their own little family when they had promised to be elsewhere, was simply outstanding

devastatedagain · 31/01/2025 11:25

YANBU it's not often I say this but this is one thing that men have got right that women haven't.

Obviously though as a PP said, it shouldn't impact other people.

romdowa · 31/01/2025 11:24

SometimesCalmPerson · 31/01/2025 11:21

Selfishness is fine when it doesn’t affect other people. There’s only a problem when being selfish has a negative impact on someone else, in which case, no it’s not a good thing.

What about the affect it has on the person themselves? You can't put your self out all the time to avoid affecting other people.

Lottapianos · 31/01/2025 11:23

There's definitely such a thing as 'healthy selfish'. It's making sure that you are at or near the TOP of your own priority list, rather than right at the bottom.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 31/01/2025 11:23

SometimesCalmPerson · 31/01/2025 11:21

Selfishness is fine when it doesn’t affect other people. There’s only a problem when being selfish has a negative impact on someone else, in which case, no it’s not a good thing.

This. There is both positive and negative selfishness. Positive selfishness is where you have healthy boundaries but do not impact others. Negative selfishness is where people ignore the impact on others.

Do you have any examples op?

RachelLikesTea · 31/01/2025 11:23

Very dependent on the particular scenario, I think.

ICanTellYouMissMe · 31/01/2025 11:23

I think culturally it's gone too far now though. Be selfish all you like, but if you continually flake on friends, as an example, for 'self-care' 🤢 then one day you'll wake up and nobody will be there for you.

SometimesCalmPerson · 31/01/2025 11:21

Selfishness is fine when it doesn’t affect other people. There’s only a problem when being selfish has a negative impact on someone else, in which case, no it’s not a good thing.