To think DH/in laws springing meal on you is unfair?

Yeah the trainer was in the wrong.
the husband in my view is wrong for booking it without giving you warning, and I’d just say
I’m so sorry love but I need to sit this one out…
mid it’s such a high stake relationship the DH would understand and run me a bath before he left!!!

What a waste of tax payers money when the NHS is desperate for funds. I also work for the NHS and the money wasted on this type of crap is disgraceful

Perfectly put!

I completely agree with you OP and don't have a lot to add to the conversation but just wanted to chip in and say how much I dislike these type of trainings.

They start off with this sorting of people into neat personality boxes, which may as well be "I'm a Hufflepuff" for how useful or evidence-based they are. The trainer always acts as if this is 100% objectively true despite conflicting with the completely different types from last years training.

You're then expected to discuss them in context of your personal life. All professional boundaries go out of the window as quite personal things are brought up and there's the assumption that everyone's lives are just like theirs without considering that there might be family dynamics, deep seated trauma, chronic illness or anything else which means things aren't quite so simple.

After the vague pop-psychology concept
Is introduced, the training consists of the participants discussing what they think with very little substance actually being taught at all.

To end, everyone discusses how eye-opening and life-changing it was. You consider your colleague, hoping desperately that they're just kissing arse and not that you have spent every day for the past year sat next to someone who genuinely has never considered that other humans who are different to them exist.

Workplace training around behaviours generally sucks in my experience. Whether it's about managerial skills, DEI etc, the trainer usually says something daft.

Is the Trainer a Man?

Are the audience mostly women?

If yes to both, maybe the Trainer is being 'passive aggressive '.....or even 'Projecting'....

On a good day neither of us would dream of springing this on each other.
It simply wouldn't happen.

Totally agree with you that to say Not happening is a perfectly reasonable response.

Doesn't sound like a very sophisticated level of training if the trainer can not take on other points of view. It's also making huge assumptions about 'normal' family dynamics.

Absolutely! After describing being on your feet all day and knowing how exhausting your work will have been, very different to a day in the office/wfh. Like teaching, full on, draining, no proper break, should I have a coffee as will need to pee but won't be able to. Xx

1. The trainer is obviously a moron. I am often astounded at the calibre of individuals delivering these types of sessions with zero ability to consider all the perspectives and dynamics that could enrich all attendees' experience. The correct answer is whatever the fuck works for you in these situations.

1. As a MIL myself, I would hope to not be such an intrusion, and if I inadvertently was, fully expect and hope that my DILs felt absolutely comfortable telling me to bugger off.

I don't work for the NHS so my worst day wouldn't even come close to some of the days NHS workers experience however, if my DH arranged a meal after work with no prior notice I wouldn't care if the Pope himself was attending....I most definitely wouldn't be!
I wouldn't even be that polite when declining the invitation to be honest, either plan something in advance so I can get my head around what needs doing, what I'm wearing, whether or not I'll need an extra shower and to re do my makeup etc or I am going nowhere.
The trainer was spouting bollocks and shouldn't be telling people in a job that literally handles life and death that they 'don't need to rest'!

I would enjoy the meal out and probably feel much better for it.
If it had been that he had invited them round and I had to cook, something demanding something from me or something that would mean a late night I would feel differently. So yes I think I agree with the trainer in this scenario

What is wrong with the trainer?

Id love to be surprised with a nice meal out. I thought it meant springing a meal on you that you had to cook and host!
As pp said, what a fucking bizarre waste of money.

Mon Dieu why do you care so much?
That must have taken ages to type 😂

If they were driving and paying for it I would be pleased. I would say that's great but just to warn you I am knackered from work so not great company. If they were happy with that then out I would go! Take a paracetamol if needed.
If I was expected to pay for dinner or drive I would say no thanks. I'm always skint so can't just randomly go out for dinner and I don't feel safe driving if I'm really tired.

"As does what a 'bad day' looks like in your job. For the trainer it's probably a cancelled train on the commute and an unengaged group"

Nah, a bad day for the trainer is an engaged group that don't passively accept what she has to say, and have the audacity to question and state their own opinions😂

Well it is a shit scenario in the first place -.I agree it is unlikely to spring an important (or any tbh) meal out on anyone - tired or otherwise - for example some amazing or shocking news perhaps would be something I would consider sucking up tiredness for - but I have never experienced such a scenario personally.

I have been asked to help out in an emergency when tired and my response depended on a judgment/balance of my situation/ whether there were other solutions that could work/ the emergency/ the person asking - so I guess my point is in any situation where you are under stress and a demand is made of you it is a case of making a judgement /balance and responding based on that.

What reason would it be sprung on someone where a decline would seem rude?

Why is it a ‘thank goodness you’re home’ situation? What is the urgency in having to accept a short notice meal invite on a work day?

What is so special about this dinner that three adults (dh and in-laws) would be so upset at a decline?

The whole scenario doesn’t really make sense. Can’t they think of something better thought out.

Reading your post again, the training seems to be a direct lift from the 1980s ‘A Woman in Your Own Right’ assertiveness book/training. So not conflict resolution at all, and not directly having difficult conversations.

And this is just a weird scenario to choose for a work course.

As others have said, unfortunately this just sounds like low quality training.

But if it was a shit, stressful and exhausting day, what does the reason matter? Surely, if the meal was to mark some great occasion it could take place on the persons day off, or at a less stressful time?

Also, they should be using professional examples and the fact they haven’t suggests they don’t understand what you do

I think why not just be yourself , say how you feel and that should respected. If you really dont feel like going out after a hard day then of course someone would have every right to say sorry had an awful day at work I can't come this time you go and have a nice time , then a text apologising to inlaws. If the husband and in-laws valued the wife ...they would understand. So if husband didnt understand and moaned , his response would be bulldozer response. l also don't think it is fair to spring a meal out like that on someone without saying first we were thinking of going out would that be OK, or when are you free. I think it all comes down to consideration and respect on both sides of things. People should be considerate and respectful to ask first and respect any response from ths other person. On the otherhand other person might react to a meal out as a treat , so they font have to cook or wash up after such a hard day !!

I can tell you 100% that someone springing a meal out on me after bad day at work in the NHS would be disappointed in my response.

Surely it would depend on the reason for the meal.