To be so worried about school readiness that I’m struggling to enjoy the last months before school

I wasn't aware that you could defer school for an entire year? I thought they had to start the term after they turn 4, so January would be the latest?

It's still early. DS1 was definitely not activelt dressing himself at 3.5yrs old. The summer before he started school we focused on him getting dressed, it was fine and no problem. Although he was one of the oldest turning 5 in the October.

Have you looked at the ERIC website? They have lots of advice for potty training and ways to tackle issues such as yours.

I would say try not to stress, if the nursery aren't worried about it then he isn't unusually behind. Nursery do a lot to prepare little ones for school.

Covid began nearly 5 years ago. The OPs son is 3.5!

As for kids unable to sit up due to poor core strength surely that’s either bollocks or it’s a couple of kids with other issues going on!

OP don’t stress, he’ll change a lot in 7 months.

Why don't you defer entry till 2026? It would be better for him in the long run, as summer born children are disadvantaged throughout their entire school career, up to age 18 and beyond. The effect is more pronounced in boys than in girls.

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See if you can get him into a pre-school attached to a school, with school hours and term times. We did this with DS and it was brilliant for him, no more tears at drop off, and he's absolutely thriving at school now.

Don't stress too much about the pooing, he will get there - let him use a nappy for now and don't force it, he can hold it till home time once he's at school. Is he constipated? Or has he been? Painful pooing can lead to fear of pooing on the loo or potty. See if you can get him to poo on the loo with a nappy on, make sure you get an over-seat with steps so he's not afraid of falling in and his feet are fully supported.

I would definitely start him later if you can op. I’m not from the uk and I know it happens in other countries but 4 is far too young to start school. Where I am children are 6. Nothing you can do about it but when I read threads on here about 4 year olds and parents worried about their writing and reading , it sounds crazy!

I think you're reading too much into school readiness...by self dressing they mean putting on a coat and shoes pulling up trousers.
They do not expect him to be reading and writing but be able to sit and listen in groups....as he will be doing in nursery.
Have you looked at the Eric website for the pooh withholding?

I teach in reception and most children struggle to dress themselves at this age, so don't worry. The toileting issue will come and once he sees his peers using the toilet it will gradually improve.

Please don't delay the year. The children learn so much in reception, not just the typical academic stuff, but more importantly the social side of things, sharing, taking turns, listening etc.

Your child would be joining a class of children who have already had a year of school and will know each other, staff, routines and rules.

You’ve got 8 months. He’s not the same now as he was 8 months ago, is he??

First thing I’d say is you need to relax about this. He sounds like a normal 3.5 year old boy. A lot of the things you’ve said are very similar to my son at that age - now 6. I wasn’t sure he was ready for reception (despite being a middle of the year child) and actually it was a very gentle introduction and he has thrived. It sounds like your son physically can dress himself just isn’t very willing. That’s totally normal. I bought bamboo socks from sock shop which are soft/stretchy and much easier to get on than some others. Don’t compare him to yourself at that age, girls can be VERY different.

Regarding the toileting, I think you have some work to do here, although not specifically because of school. My son would withhold too and we used (prescribed by doctor) movicom to soften and encourage bowel movements. We got him comfortable using the toilet over a couple of months. He will still hold his poo at school and wait til he’s home and perhaps your son will do the same. But on wearing nappies, it’s not unusual to allow wearing a nappy to encourage them onto the toilet, then start cutting a hole in the nappy that increases in size over weeks/months until they are happy to poo directly into the toilet. We didn’t do this but joined a Facebook group for parents dealing with these sorts of toileting issues and it was very common approach.

However I don’t think anything you’ve said is very unusual and I was kind of amazed how quickly my son grew up between September to December that first year.

Oh and make sure he sees you & your husband poo in the loo. Like let him be in the room so he knows you poo too and its normal and not a bit of his body falling off.

DS2 was still waking in the night and coming to sleep in our room (we put a mattress on the floor for him, to minimise disturbance to us) when he was 11!

This. It's amazing how 'peer pressure' can create motivation when they start school and see what others can do. And even if he doesn't get everything right straight away, he will get there. My DS is in Year 1 and still won't poo at school. Sometimes comes home with a skidmark. He struggles a bit with zips, and he hates cutlery. But we're getting there! He's smart and funny and has friends. It will be fine, OP.

With the nappies do the thing where you start by having him poo in the nappy but sat on the potty or loo. Or squatting over it to start with or whatever. Gradually move to him doing this with one side of the nappy unfastened. Then the other.
Then have him pooing onto the nappy spread over the potty. Then cut the nappy smaller until he lets you swap it for a wad of toilet paper.

It might take 2-3 months, start it now.

As a very practical point, you'll probably find that, from about Easter, his nursery will ask them to bring in "PE kit" (any t shirt & shorts) so that they can get used to changing for PE. Even with that, it is common in the first term of reception for PE to be 20 mins of changing, 20 mins of PE (if you're lucky!) and 20 mins of changing back again, which is why so many schools have children coming into school in their PE kit on PE days (and for all those saying "it was never like this in my day, when my mum taught Yr1 in the 80s, the DC came to school in their PE kit on PE days and swimming days)

Some posters make out like barely four year olds are treated like Victorian urchins, sitting at rows of desks chanting their times tables. In actual fact, Reception (which is the first year of school, for ages 4-5) is largely play-based. They learn the basics of letters / sounds and numbers, but in very short bursts, and spend the rest of the day essentially playing in a free-flow setting where they can choose their activity, whether they are indoors or outdoors etc. They may well do things like forest school, music, PE etc. and attend assemblies and other whole school gatherings. It’s really about getting used to being in school, learning the rules and routines, having maybe two adults to 30 kids as opposed to 1:4 like at nursery so needing to be more independent.

OP, ignore posts like these. They are so ignorant.

My DC3 also struggles with poo withholding and we've tried every trick in the book. GP won't do anything until Y2 (other than laxatives now) and HVs are all out of advice other than keep doing what you're doing. Super frustrating and worrying as school approaches but they won't be the first to go to school who need support with this.

I'm surprised nursery aren't doing more about school readiness though. E.g. my DC has been trying on school uniforms and we've been getting an update on what they struggle with. Obviously we know what they can and can't do from home but helpful for her to see nursery peers doing it too.

Well you keep your child in nursery an extra year don't you? No reason not to work.

If the OPs child is not developmentally ready to learn the skills necessary for school in September then it would be the obvious thing to do.

God I'm so glad I live in Scotland. I deferred my December born daughter so that she was 5 3/4 when she started primary 1. It was such a good decision.

I would definitely considering deferring to September 2026 in your situation. It’s quite commonplace now for summer born babies. He doesn’t sound ready (through no fault of his own - he’s so little!)

Our school nursery starts at 3 and is more academically pushy than some school. After the first 6 weeks they’re encouraged to write their name everyday, at carpet time they’re introduced to a new letter sound a day, just to read the sound and give examples of words which start with the sound get paint, pet, pen, Paul. For number work they learn to recognise the numbers up to 5 and they will be at the writing table which they can choose to go to go to, learn what is one more and one less within the numbers 0 to 5. It’s mostly free play with lots of different areas to have develop different skills eg funky finger activities, painting, water table. Once a day they will do a 10 min job in a group like dough disco. Lots of outdoor time and forest school once a week.

I’d get feed back from the nursery in the summer term. They all have a massive jump around that point and even the ones who didn’t seem ready in the winter are often ready by the summer holidays. He has two more terms at nursery and they will be working on them dressing themselves and independence skills.

If we think a summer born child should defer we will usually discuss this with parents to let them know our concerns.

However if your son is out of nappies during the nursery day and just needs it to poo at home this is manageable for school. We see many children who won’t put their own shoes and coats on right now but are doing them fine come July. Just give him time, they change fast.

As someone who lives abroad where compulsory education starts at six, UK reception is more play based than pre-school here for four year olds. Reception is essentially nursery, but a larger class and shorter hours as its play based with the odd mini task on numbers, letters etc.

If he is summer born defer.

Get to the GP for movicol and on the eric website. The sooner you deal with the with holding the better.

Start working on putting his shoes on. Get a sticker and cut it in half and put half in each shoe so he can match them up so he knows which shoe goes on which foot.

How he goes to sleep makes not diference to school readiness. My oldest is in yr and aleast 10% of the class are regularly cuddled to sleep.

Its the September after they ate 4yo for school, but its basically learning through play with a bit of reading, writing and maths. Its very similar to nursery or kindergarten in other countries. Not sitting at desks learning (well not supposed to be).

Oh gosh OP. You’re being so hard on yourself. Theres so much of this in the news and a lot is relevant but it causes so much anxiety. It might be worth speaking to HV about the toilet, but I’m an ex reception teacher and to me if he can put on a coat then that’s great. Teach him the flip over thing where he lays the coat on the floor and flips it over his head. That’s a fun one. If he can drink out of a cup, use a fork and try to use a knife then that’s good. Also see if he can recognise his name. That’s always useful. Can he ask for help if he needs it is another. Have a look at What to Expect When (I think it still exists). As others have said a lot can happen in 6 months. What month was he born? A September baby is going to be very different to an August baby of the following year.

Have you tried reading Poo Goes to Pooland with him? It worked like magic for my then 3 1/2 year old.