Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP hasn’t invited me

317 replies

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:41

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

OP posts:
BellaVita · 30/01/2025 19:44

It would be a NO from me.

HE needs to sort a sitter.

DaringLion · 30/01/2025 19:44

Endofyear · 30/01/2025 19:43

Can't your 16 year old babysit for a couple of hours? And he can pay them! I don't see why it's your job to mind his children while he goes out!

I was thinking the same

Endofyear · 30/01/2025 19:43

Can't your 16 year old babysit for a couple of hours? And he can pay them! I don't see why it's your job to mind his children while he goes out!

Lollypop701 · 30/01/2025 19:43

so the real reason you’re not invited op is that he’s going on a big night out… with the men. Wives and partners stay home with the kids Obs, even if not their kids. Only unattached females allowed. Honestly you really need to tell him he’s a twat of the highest order and refuse to play ball

Trashpalace · 30/01/2025 19:42

You've just found out how he sees you: As his babysitter, and first and foremost there to serve his wishes. Lovely.

mistymorning12 · 30/01/2025 19:42

Just assume you’re invited and ask him if he’d lie you to sort out a sitter.

Stowickthevast · 30/01/2025 19:42

I don't understand why your older kids can't babysit the younger ones?

JustRollWithIt · 30/01/2025 19:41

This would annoy me for all the reasons mentioned above, but another thing...I'm not sure how often he has his kids, but if it is allocated weekends, why wouldn't he go above and beyond to ensure he was always home those weekends to enjoy some precious time with them

Duckingella · 30/01/2025 19:40

I've just seen your update;so to get this straight;he expects you to have HIS children whilst HE goes out for the whole night including the party and the big night out afterwards.

I'm also assuming that you'd be expected to take care of HIS children the next day whilst he's sleeping off the resulting hangover.

ScribblingPixie · 30/01/2025 19:40

Don't accept this nonsense. Just tell him you would very much like to go along with all the other ex colleagues, and that he needs to get a sitter.

NerrSnerr · 30/01/2025 19:38

I'd go out elsewhere OP. Tell him tonight you have other plans. He can sort the childcare for his own children.

NewBrightonEel · 30/01/2025 19:38

Cheeky fucker!

Ellie1015 · 30/01/2025 19:38

You should definitely be asked anytime he wants you to watch his kids. I check in with my husband before making plans if i need him to watch our kids and he is the dad. He does the same for me.

Realise you are unlikely to say no but it is common courtesy to ask you rather than assume. Also either of your kids are old enough to be paid to babysit 10 and 8 year old for a few hours unless they dont get on or any of them difficult.

Shetlands · 30/01/2025 19:38

MumblesParty · 30/01/2025 19:34

YANBU to be miffed. But is there a reason a 15 and 16 year old can’t look after a 10 and 8 year old for 4 hours in early evening? When I was 15 I regularly babysat pre-schoolers all evening. During Covid I left my 10 year old and 14 year old while I worked 14 hour shifts.

It's not just for 4 hours - the children's father is going on afterwards to a big night out!

2chocolateoranges · 30/01/2025 19:37

Personally I would be having words with him never to arrange a night when his children are here as you aren’t his built in babysitter!

Cherrysoup · 30/01/2025 19:37

No way would I be looking after his dc! His presumption is disgraceful, as is excluding you when he knows fine well you ought to be included. No, he can find a sitter.

MostlyHappyMummy · 30/01/2025 19:37

Another bloke who's got a live in nanny - how does this happen so easily?!

HipToTheHopDontStop · 30/01/2025 19:36

MumblesParty · 30/01/2025 19:34

YANBU to be miffed. But is there a reason a 15 and 16 year old can’t look after a 10 and 8 year old for 4 hours in early evening? When I was 15 I regularly babysat pre-schoolers all evening. During Covid I left my 10 year old and 14 year old while I worked 14 hour shifts.

That's for HIM to arrange though. Not OP. But he hasn't...they may be busy by now 🤷‍♀️

Everydayimhuffling · 30/01/2025 19:35

You're not unreasonable to be miffed, but I don't understand why you are just rolling over and having the kids? The least I would do is ask him what makes him think you are available when he hasn't asked? And point out to him that he has double booked himself.

HE has HIS kids: if he's double booked HIMSELF then he should fix it, whether that is by begging for your help and offering something to make up for it, or by hiring a babysitter.

Choccyscofffy · 30/01/2025 19:34

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 19:28

Sorry, I just wanted some perspective on whether I was being unreasonable to make an issue of it and for being miffed about it

You’re not being unreasonable at all.

What have you decided to do?

MumblesParty · 30/01/2025 19:34

YANBU to be miffed. But is there a reason a 15 and 16 year old can’t look after a 10 and 8 year old for 4 hours in early evening? When I was 15 I regularly babysat pre-schoolers all evening. During Covid I left my 10 year old and 14 year old while I worked 14 hour shifts.

Colddayhotcuppa · 30/01/2025 19:33

I don't think it's silly at all. Not in the slightest. he has made you default parent for his kids. I would have a big problem with not being invited properly. And I definitely wouldn't be looking after his kids on the day. Surely everyone will be asking where you are?? Tell him to arrange childcare for his dc, you will be attending and he better not be pulling similar in the future.

MyProudHare · 30/01/2025 19:33

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2025 19:31

@Bigredchair

"I have the kids so you can't come"? So he intentionally picked the date assuming that you'd watch his kids? Fuck me that would piss me off. DH and I have shared children (now grown) and neither of us would ever assume the other was free to watch the DC. It is common courtesy to consult the other parent, let alone consult with a 'non-parent' partner.

I wouldn't be pissed off that I wasn't invited per se, but that I was being treated like a nanny with a fanny, like the hired help. I'd probably tell him that I've been invited 'elsewhere' on that same night and that he'll have to sort his own childcare. And I certainly wouldn't volunteer my teens to babysit. Let him ask them himself and then pay them (well) for it.

Reason 1,230,274,323 why I decided early on that I'd never marry a man with kids.

I just want to politely point out that I married a man with a daughter.

He would never presume like this. The problem is that OP's partner is a twat.

Shetlands · 30/01/2025 19:33

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 19:28

Sorry, I just wanted some perspective on whether I was being unreasonable to make an issue of it and for being miffed about it

You sound like a lovely person and no you aren't being even a tiny bit unreasonable to make an issue of it and be miffed. Personally, I'd be incandescent and refuse, telling him he'd better sort something out because tomorrow I'm getting dressed up and attending the party (as well as the after party!).

MyProudHare · 30/01/2025 19:32

Ummm... if he has no one else to mind his kids, he'll have to stay home. You can go to the party as your kids are old enough not to need minding.

That is all.