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AIBU?

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DP hasn’t invited me

317 replies

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:41

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 30/01/2025 20:07

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/01/2025 19:58

@Bigredchair pretty sure your older two can look after the younger two. toss them money for domino pizzas and throw in a £10 each. they will be fine till 8pm

I'm sure they can but it's not the OP's responsibility to ask them or pay them. Her husband should be sorting it all out.

Oneflewovermydogsbed · 30/01/2025 20:06

OP ,you really need to put your big girls pants on and make it clear that you are not babysitting! You need to be assertive and refuse to be a mug .

Worried8263839 · 30/01/2025 20:06

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:46

I think 3 dates were thrown around but this particular date was chosen, I will say in he is one of those people who doesn’t check and just commits then deals with the consequences.

i did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come

my office is a 10 minute walk away, I haven’t even had a why don’t you call in for an hour on your way home if you want (I work flexi so can finish early, the do starts at 4)

This would enrage me. They are not your kids, why is he expecting you to just look after them?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/01/2025 20:06

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 19:23

why should I have to check weeks in advance if he has his kids? Surely that for him to check and then check with me if I am ok having them?

Absolutely that. They are his kids not yours. He doesn’t have the right to dictate what you do in your own time, without having the respectful conversation with you about this.

StormingNorman · 30/01/2025 20:03

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order.

Yogaatsunrise · 30/01/2025 20:03

I would automatically wonder what he is hiding. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this at all. On many levels.

Lighteningstrikes · 30/01/2025 20:01

YADNBU

Is he usually thoughtless and self-centred?

DingDongAlong · 30/01/2025 20:00

The only way men like this learn is to make it their problem to solve. All it is at the moment is that you're a bit upset about it and you'll probably stay home anyway. He just needs to ride it out and he's quids in on a huge night out.

I'd be going to the party and letting him sort his kids out. I'd also ensure your own kids don't get dumped looking after his kids without discussion either (which seems highly likely).

Then I'd reassess this relationship because it's a really shitty way to treat someone.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/01/2025 19:58

@Bigredchair pretty sure your older two can look after the younger two. toss them money for domino pizzas and throw in a £10 each. they will be fine till 8pm

PennyApril54 · 30/01/2025 19:56

Ask him who is watching the kids that night because you're going.

Shelby2010 · 30/01/2025 19:56

Can’t you (or rather DH) pay your 16y old to babysit his kids for a couple of hours?

paintfairy · 30/01/2025 19:54

I dunno. If your partner is going to a fun party and they don't want you there spoiling their fun, I'm not sure what that says about your relationship?
Actually I do. It happened to me. Constantly. He didn't actually have anyone else at that time but he didn't want me either.......

GrumpyPanda · 30/01/2025 19:53

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 19:28

Sorry, I just wanted some perspective on whether I was being unreasonable to make an issue of it and for being miffed about it

...so you'll be miffed but you'll still roll over for this? Does he make a habit of treating you as the bang nanny?

Autumndayz77 · 30/01/2025 19:53

The fact you are excluded because he expects you to babysit for him would piss me right off. I’d make plans and then ask him what he’s going to do’

viques · 30/01/2025 19:52

Ask him who is babysitting his children since you will both be out that evening.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 30/01/2025 19:52

That's a nope from me. Tell him he needs to sort someone to look after HIS kids as you will be going to celebrate with your ex colleague.

Onlyonekenobe · 30/01/2025 19:51

I'd be pissed off at the assumption I'd be available to babysit his kids: what if your own work had something on? Or you were doing something with your kids?

I'd be doubly pissed off that he's not invited you because he wants you home to babysit his kids. That's actually pretty shocking.

Do you think you'd have been invited if it hadn't been his night to have his children?

HipToTheHopDontStop · 30/01/2025 19:50

paintfairy · 30/01/2025 19:46

This was my thought. Or someone else going......

Seems extremely unlikely, since it will be crawling with people OP knows, and he's telling her ever detail about it.

He's not bringing anyone else, he's just a self, self centered, prick.

Cotonsugar · 30/01/2025 19:48

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. He should have talked to you about it beforehand and asked if you wouldn’t mind looking after his kids. It’s just polite.

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/01/2025 19:47

paintfairy · 30/01/2025 19:46

This was my thought. Or someone else going......

Snap. Sadly.

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/01/2025 19:47

Hmmm. Who does he not want you to see him with?

Pinkissmart · 30/01/2025 19:46

So,
He hasn’t given you the respect that he has given other ex colleagues.

He hasn’t given you the basic respect a partner deserves. Deserves- not has to negotiate for.

He often doesn’t bother to think about his children, but expects other women to pick up the pieces of his poor management.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

paintfairy · 30/01/2025 19:46

PawsAndReflection · 30/01/2025 18:55

Not to derail but any chance he's shagging a co-worker? Confused

This was my thought. Or someone else going......

HipToTheHopDontStop · 30/01/2025 19:45

Stowickthevast · 30/01/2025 19:42

I don't understand why your older kids can't babysit the younger ones?

I don't understand why people keep saying this. Maybe they can, but thats for HIM to arrange. What does it have to do with OP?

Branleuse · 30/01/2025 19:44

Hes taking you for a mug.

Id be clear to him that i wasn't doing the childcare on principle. That i wanted to go to the do and that he had really pissed me off that he has even suggested it