DP hasn’t invited me

May their SF will ask?

Well no because he assumes the wife is looking after them, not her kids. If it means she gets to go and is happy that's what she should do....

HE has the kids, not you. Perhaps you could go and he stays at home?!

Then I would have said “No, YOU have the kids so YOU can’t go”

Not RTFT but can't he just get a baby sitter? Or can you get the older ones to babysit if they're mature enough?

OP can’t your 16 year old watch them for a few hours??

Why don't you tell him that he needs to source childcare for this evening as you're going out? What would he do then?

Honestly - if he didn't ask you to be there for his kids, don't be there for his kids. They're probably lovely kids but they are his responsibility and him expecting that you would look after them while he goes out for this retirement do - nah..not having it. Go to the movies or meet up with some of your friends but I wouldn't be sitting in on that night at all.

I wasn't arguing with you, didn't mean it to come across that way. I was just flipping the situation round.

Op's fella has an absolute cheek assuming she'll look after his kids. I mean boss or not he's got his kids that night, he either can't make it or he sorts something out.

I think the ultimate piss taken not only singe attending the farewell do, he’s going out for a late one afterwards - without checking that’s ok with OP in terms of her watching and being responsible for his young kids while he’s out the house. As a boss he’s probably used to ordering subordinates around with no question and has transferred that to his partner, OP. Maybe that’s why his marriage failed. Just saying.

A couple means 2, his party is for 4, plus a planned bender afterwards, that's far from a couple of hours. We don't know if the older kids would be open to watching them, because he hasn't asked, he seems to have absolved himself of responsibility for his own children - that the whole issue here.

There are such things as babysitters. I used to use "sitters" you get vetted local sitters if you want to go out. Worked fine for us until DD aged out of needing a sitter. Tell him to organise one and then go to the do. I wouldn't let this pass, I'd be really hurt.

For those saying "let the older kids watch the younger, problem solved", no it isn't.

The older 2 are OP's, the younger 2 are DP's. If we feel that OP shouldn't have to watch DP's kids, why should we expect her children to watch them? If DP wants to ask them and pay them himself then fine, let him do so. DH and I never even expected our older son to watch his little brother if we were going out. We'd ask and pay him if he agreed, otherwise DS2 went to the grandparents. I really dislike when parents turn their older children into 'mini-mums/dads' and use them as 'primary' childcare.

At this point even if DP asked OP to come to the party, I'd decline if I were her. IMHO he'd only be asking with the expectation that her teens will watch his DC. But IMHO he doesn't want her there for reasons of his own. If he had wanted her there, he'd have scheduled it for his 'off' weekend or he'd have invited her with the expectation that her kids would watch his.

I agree, I think OP is 'stepping up'. I'm hoping that at least she's planning on having a stern conversation with DP as far as future childcare goes.

No, not problem solved. He hasn't asked them..they may not be free..they may not be home. They may not want to, his childcare is not their problem. It's his.

I'm pretty sure OP is staying home with them though, despite fully knowing she should not

Then she'd be shoving off her husband's responsibility onto her kids just like her husband is trying to do.

He took OP taking care of his kids for granted and left her out of an event that she should be at. Was the exclusion deliberate so he could have a party without her? That would be my question along with setting him straight about the expectation that she is default childcare for his kids.

You think it's OK for him to assume his older teenage step-children don't have plans either? The "arrangements" involve him asking people to babysit rather than take it for granted that they will.

This. If my DP said to me "I have the kids so you can't come" I would tell him to fuck off. What a fucking cheek.

Your kids are old enough to babysit for a couple of house. Problem solved!

Because she already said he is the boss and need to be there? Arguing for the sake of arguing, so funny 😊 never mentioned babysitters,said the older kids mind the 2 younger kids, no arranging anything

Why can't the kids father arrange a babysitter and he goes just for a couple of hours?

Sod that he’s taking you for a mug! If he had other dates to choose from he should have picked a weekend he didn’t have his kids!

I think what the person commenting means op is …. What are you going to do about it ?

Honestly the more I read I don’t think he wants you there and the perfect way not to invite you is keep you home with his kids I wouldn’t trust him at this point.
Please stand up for yourself.
Don’t babysit and go to the party .

Sorry if you answered this but why can't the older kids mind the younger ones and you just got a couple of hours?

I was reading thinking he was out of order then you said about his kids. .Just wow! Your updates keep getting better and I haven’t read them all.
OP you tell him he has to sort childcare for his kids and you would like to go to the avent!

Also of course he arranged stuff and deals with the consequences after as there aren't any , as everyone else gets him out the shit and they deal with it instead of him.

Id say no to the babysitting and I’d have a chat and make it clear your kids are grown up enough that you have your life back some what. You are no longer available for childcare.

Hell would freeze over before I stayed home and looked after his kids that night op. I’d go, see friends, and consider staying out / going to a friends after. The nerve of him planning a big night because he can just not invite you so you are free to look after his kids.

My teen wouldn’t babysit and I think it’s unfair to ask or expect them too. They have their own lives these days.