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Original poster

Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

358 replies

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 12:20

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

OP posts:
LongStoryLong · 30/01/2025 13:53

There must be someone else you could go out with.

Shmee1988 · 30/01/2025 13:51

I would simply say 'you keep telling people we aren't together, it's no longer a lie because we aren't!' .... turn on your heel and walk away. He will ruin your life.

SlightlyJaded · 30/01/2025 13:51

He is your priority
You are not his.

She is his priority
And the children and the unborn baby.

He is not even your 'boyfriend' if you have to hide it.
You are literally an afterthought and a bit of an inconvenience.

Harsh, and I'm sorry for that.

The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start the grieving of the relationship bit and come out the other side.

Scentsitive · 30/01/2025 13:49

Such a loser thing to do, making up crap like this.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 13:49

catlesslady · 30/01/2025 13:17

He sounds like the sort of man who initially makes you feel amazing but then gradually undermines your self esteem until you feel you have no choice but to put up with his shitty behaviour. It's not your fault- they can be very convincing and when you're feeling low it's hard to see a way out other than trying to change yourself and/or be more accommodating in the hope that if you try hard enough they will go back to being the seemingly lovely person you first met. You need to cut contact with him completely and in time you will see that you do not love the person he actually is, you loved the person that he pretended to be to reel you in. In time you will regain your self esteem and wonder why on earth you even considered being with this weasel.

You are probably not the first person he has done this to. His ex probably feels the same way. When you broke up he may have told her it was because he wanted her back and he probably told her that you are the crazy ex who won't let him go. What he wants now is to be able to play happy families with the ex for a while but with you as a secret on the side. He may even want to convince the ex that they are back together as a family so that she goes ahead with the pregnancy, making her more reliant on him. No doubt if you let him he will eventually come back to you for a while (probably when the mother of his new baby is too tired to run around after him) but he will never treat you well and there will be others. You deserve more.

That's what I mean I've changed myself so much I'm actually sat here having no idea who I am anynore or the things I'm allowing in my life.. he doesn't want her he's shown me over and over that he doesn't want her but then goes and sleeps with her? And she ends up pregnant, I know he's not with her and is having me on in that way but is expecting me to be okay with all this shit and then when I react cuz it's been shit on shit on shit on shit this whole month! 2025 new year honestly this last month has been the worst in so long!!

OP posts:
TragicMuse · 30/01/2025 13:49

You know, you can love someone with every atom of your being and still make a decision not to be with them.

Loving someone doesn't carry any imperative that you must have a relationship with them.

Personally, he doesn't sound like a person who is ever going to put you first - he isn't doing that now - he doesn't sound caring or like he makes a positive contribution to your life.

So, what do you love about him that is making it so important to hold onto him?

StupidBitchy · 30/01/2025 13:49

You're better off on your own. There's no way this can end well for you. You need to look out for yourself because clearly no one else is.

jenesaispaspourquoi · 30/01/2025 13:49

Have you had therapy?

ChessorBuckaroo · 30/01/2025 13:48

*got pregnant

outerspacepotato · 30/01/2025 13:48

Your whatever wants to keep you on the downlow while he has a baby and relationship with his former "ex".

You have a relationshit.

Are you seriously considering letting this prince of bullshit sneak over when the mom of his new baby is busy taking care of their child to have sex with you? Are you really ok with crumbs off his full table with the mother of his kids?

StormingNorman · 30/01/2025 13:47

You’re not crazy. The situation is crazy thought. Walk away for your own sanity. He is not a good man.

booisbooming · 30/01/2025 13:46

Very real chance that she thinks she is "the girlfriend" and that you are the "mad ex-girlfriend". Either way, if you run now you've had a lucky escape.

OwlInTheOak · 30/01/2025 13:46

Leave him to go back to his family and new baby. The fact he's not saying he's with you makes me wonder how much of your "relationship" you've actually just been the affair partner for too.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 30/01/2025 13:45

Sorry OP, but I really think you need to accept the fact that this guy isn't doing ANYONE any good. He is NOT a good man!!

He is trying to have his cake and eat it, and you're so wrapped up in the idea of being in love with him, that you can't see that you deserve more than the few crumbs he's prepared to drop your way, when it happens to suit him. From what you've said this relationship has never been THAT good, is that REALLY all you want from life? To be blunt, he's treating you like 'sloppy seconds'! For goodness sake, get some self respect and dump his cheating, lying arse!

You told us to tell you straight, well that's telling you, whether you want to hear it or not, remains to be seen!

HolyPeaches · 30/01/2025 13:42

@Chanjh25 please leave him. Run for the hills. And then never look back.

You don’t love the person he is. You just love the idea of who he could be.

He clearly doesn’t care about you, he only wants you in his life for convenience and sex on tap. (Since you slept together when you were broken up, you’ve allowed him to still have access to you).

Do you want the next 18 years of your life tied to this man, his child and the mother of the child? Tied to a man who’s manipulating you, lying to you and doesn’t respect you?

Please 👏🏻 raise 👏🏻 your 👏🏻 bar!

You are worth so much more than this. You need to end the “relationship”, block and delete him, forever. It will be hard. It will take time to get other, but it’s necessary if you truly want to be happy in life and have healthy relationships.

Imbusytodaysorry · 30/01/2025 13:41

You are the side bit now .

He is in a relationship with her

end it and get therapy.
You deserve better

frecklejuice · 30/01/2025 13:39

Jesus Christ stop setting the bar so low for yourself, get rid of him and find someone who deserves you and treats you properly.

JustMyView13 · 30/01/2025 13:39

How has this man convinced you you’re worth so little!?

Give your head a wobble and think about what your 80yr old self might tell you to do. I guarantee it’ll be something to the effect of - you wasted far too much time on this man who didn’t care for you.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 13:38

Oh please.
None of this is love.

GirlOfThe70s · 30/01/2025 13:35

Has this guy got a golden cock or something? Two women in his life, one to be kept a secret, the other happy to be impregnated on a casual basis.
You say you love him - could you tell us what exactly it is about him you love?

September1013 · 30/01/2025 13:35
  1. Leave him
  2. Get some counselling to work on your self esteem so you don’t ever put up with crap like this again.
Bananalanacake · 30/01/2025 13:34

Oh another condom refuser, I have no time for them.
Whatever you do don't move in with him.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 13:29

I am genuinely concerned about the women on here.

Please raise your standards and get some help to work out what’s causing you to accept this behaviour from a man.

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/01/2025 13:28

DUMP HIM! Do not settle for this.