AIBU over finances

Good for you. Being married to a partner who is poor with money leads to heartbreak. My first partner was like this, and my second is excellent with money. The difference to my quality of life is enormous.

Hope you’re ok, you’ve been really strong and not unreasonable at all

Get out now. If he keeps lying about this, there is no future.

Been there, done that.

You may want to consider sending a notice of financial dissociation to the credit reference agencies so that if he runs up more debt or fails to service the debt he has it will not affect your credit rating.

I would return his mail to sender, the address is usually on the outside of the envelope, with a letter informing them he no longer lives at your address so that if he defaults on his debts the bailiffs won't come to your house.

Don't forward financial related mail directly to him because he will be able to continue using your address to get credit.

See a Solicitor and start divorce proceedings quickly.

Just saw the update, I'm sorry. says it all he's willing to walk away though... Remember not all debts show on one credit lender so be prepared there might be some more.

I'd be fuming, paying off his debts 😬 if he can get more stuff out I'll be like time to pay me back. Remember If you're married your financially associated together especially via credit reports so be careful. You can I believe unassociate, he would be going no where near my house or anything for that matter. This is not how a marriage works and it's very one sided on his part. There would be sl.e deal breakers for me here

Make sure you contact the council tax dept & tell them he's no longer living there. Not sure if the electoral role office will change anything straight away, but if possible remove his name from the address.

The less time he's shown as living with you the better.

Any debt letters/credit card statements return as no longer at this address. Even if you put them in another envelope to return with a note saying he's no longer there. If you can say where he's gone then give them that info. Take a photo as proof of date you contacted them.

I’m so sorry 😞 such an awful day for you. Have a cry but then you need to get yourself in order. Get a handle on your own finances and a decent lawyer as you want to minimise how much he will be entitled to as you are definitely the more affluent of the 2 of you.

The fact that you have already taken on a l'an to clear his debt is a very good reason to wish for transparent finances. You're too god for him OP. He is definitely hiding things from you why he got defensive enough to leave. Don't kick yourself, he's the one not being responsable. Your only mistake was being too kind and trusting. 💐

I'm so sorry, he's obviously taken huge advantage of you nd run up more debts. If you were so inclined you can run a free credit check using his details with the main agencies, though probably a moot point.

Hope yog’re okay.

You did the right thing. You handled this so well.

lucky escape op, no transparency, no trust. No trust, no relationship!

Sorry op.

In a few days you'll be glad to see the back of him trust me. I've been there with men who can't and won't manage their money effectively while leeching off others. Scummy cock lodgers who see you as a weak traget.

Make sure he hasn't got anything out against the house or in your name. Been there too and it's a bloody nightmare to get out of. Protect yourself.

The fact he would rather leave than be open and honest makes it pretty clear he's hiding more lies. You'll be glad to be rid of him soon OP.

Thats awful and I am so sorry.

I think the fact he can't be open means he is hiding so much more than you are aware of. He wants to frame it as you can't trust him, but this is gaslighting you. I think you are going to be horrified about some debts that start to come out of the woodwork and realise that you have done the right thing to protect yourself.

I know its hard, but think practically, get a block on any joint cards you may have, and if you share any online shopping accounts and things.

He may be able to do that anyway if he lacks money to house himself, but I agree that if a divorce is going to happen it's best done sooner rather than later

I'm truly sorry, OP, but it sounds as if you've taken on a complete liability there - and I don't just mean financially

Since you've done it once already he'll almost certainly expect you to bail him out again and refusing access to his finances is completely unreasonable in the circumstances. I'm afraid that for me it would be ultimatum time before he cleans you out completely, but only you can decide

It's probably safe to assume that your marriage is going to end over this.
Hopefully you won't get too screwed financially.

I would get advice and legally end the marriage ASAP given that a shorter marriage may stop him having a claim to your home.

I would consider a divorce even if you want to stay in the relationship to separate out his ability to claim your home. You are in a relationship with another man who is financially irresponsible, you have already given yourself debt that he could stop paying and you would be liable for being in your name, and by marrying him you also put your home at risk and any savings you have.

I would highly recommend getting some legal advice about the situation.

Get out while your marriage is still short, or he could make a claim on your house in the divorce.

My goodness what a mess. Is the loan outstanding still that you took out to clear his debts still outstanding?

I think you need to frame it as "I am really concerned, I took out a loan to help you, which I wasn't comfortable doing, but did because I love you and wanted to help. But it isn't helping if you are going down that road again. We need to understand as a couple where the money is going and how we can manage things going forward."