To spend more on my niece than my step child

Tbh I think he should be covering all of his son's gifts and half of your shared dc. What you buy your niece isn't his concern.

Tbh there’s bigger issues here than finances. The family dynamic is off and this isn’t just going to end in disaster - resentment will just build and fester.

You two need to sit down and have a grown up conversation about all of this - including how it works with his DS and your shared DC.

Me and my partner have 2kids together. All clothes/shoes, birthdays, Christmas’s are 50/50 between us. I have an older son who I do the organising for. put partners name on cards. Partner will get him something too to put in his pile from US.

You don't understand?

Okay, sometimes when mummy and daddy love each other they have a baby and then sometimes mummy and daddy fall out of love with each other and in love with someone else and then they have a baby. And that means those babies are half siblings.

Does that help?

100% agree.

Do you both earn similar?

I wouldn't buy presents for his children. I'd expect him to pay half towards our children. Niece has nothing to do with it, if you want to spend extra on niece you can. But if money's tight, maybe you shouldn't spend that much on a niece? I would never spend that much on my niece and nephews.

£120 is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a niece. My nephews get £20 and then £50 on their 18ths.
Spending so much money on a 14 year old's phone is ridiculous.
Getting into stressed about money for five-year-olds is ridiculous.
Not having shared finances in a reasonable manner with your DH is ridiculous.
Spend less on consumer shite.

So he doesn't spend identically amounts on his own two children but he expects you to spend the same on your relative as your step son? Madness.

£120 on your niece is batshit, but that aside...

@LittleLisaBlue sorry but why the hell would anyone think spending £120 on a 5 year old neice's birthday present is appropriate???? that is ridiculous! she is not your kid!

No way would anyone tell me what I can spend on my nieces
I spend what I like and my DH would never ask
You and he should pay equally for your own child and he should pay for his child

Why does your husband expect you to buy anything for his son? Birthday presents are a parent's responsibility.

I agrre that niece needs to be kept out of this.

To me the math is
Hiw much in total for ds
How much in total for dd

Who paid what for both.

Judging from what you have said above dh has spend a few hundred more on ds

His fuss over the exact spending split on presents is petty nonsense (and will get a lot of posters on your side) but the last sentence is the real problem isn't it? Because you don't consider your stepson part of your family to the same extent as your niece and I imagine this is quite obvious to everyone.

How are the rest of your finances/work/childcare/logistics sorted?

I think if I was in this situation (which I would never be, rather be single than a step parent), I would have all bills including your joint child paid for; then split 50/50 the reminding. Presents for his son come out of his split of disposable income, and for your niece come out of yours.

How on earth can it be equal for your daughter when her dad is spending loads more on his son than his daughter? They only get equal amounts spent on them by your household because you make up the difference for your daughter (but DSS will also have his mum's contribution so will receive more anyway), but your husband is clearly prioritising and favouring his son over his daughter. That's not good at all. I don't think that it's that your DH doesn't see it, it's that he doesn't care.

I’m not understanding why, as a married couple you’re not just splitting these sorts of things evenly if you have separate finances? Surely that would make the most sense since you’re one big family now.

Personally I’d never spite a child in my family (including a stepchild) just because I don’t think my DH pays the right amount.

this is just two spiteful adults hiding their issues in their children’s birthdays.

grow up.

First post nails it.

You have separate finances? Do you tell him how to spend his money?

He sounds grabby. Is this the only thing or is he like this with other stuff.

Buy whatever you want for your niece. Tell him you're not contributing to dss. It's only fair as he doesn't buy presents for his niece.

You contribute more to your own dc to save dh having to contribute as much so you are also contributing to his share of dss gift.

If be paid 50% of 5 year old dc gift rather than 30% what is the difference? Eg say 5 year gift party costs £300 you pay £210, he pays £90 then the extra £60 is a contribution to dss joint gifts. Plus the £20 gift.

Not that any of this matters spend what you want on your neice and dss. Any complaints should be re dh not paying 50% of 5 year olds costs.

No, go back to him and say he needs to spend the exact same on his daughter and son. If he wants to buy a more expensive present for his son then he needs to ask his ex for half the money.

Totally agree , in our house you keep the same phone until your contract runs out, so dss would be getting told to pick another present.

if dh isn’t willing to pay much towards dd gifts then I wouldn’t be paying towards dss gifts. Dh has 2 children with birthdays this month , you only have one.

do you put ‘from littlelisa and DH’ on your dds presents even though you buy them? If so why doesn’t he put your name on the present he buys for DSS? Why would you need to buy a separate present for dss from you when you are married?

Your DH is wrong. He should be contributing equal amounts for his two children, which he isn't doing. It is none of his business what you spend on your niece out of your own money. You are still buying your step child a present. He isn't contributing to your niece's present at all.