To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

Hello OP,
Police officer working in DA here.

Please report to police. He has stalked your daughter AND you (assuming the messages to you were on two separate occasions) just by repeated unwanted contact (and he should have known your DD, and you, wouldn't want that level of contact).

Whilst you and your daughter may not want to proceed with an investigation or prosecution, it is really important for police (and future women than he starts relationships with) that we know about his behaviour, and very concerning that a young man feels this entitled to behave so appallingly because of a break up.
It suggests a worrying pattern of behaviour should it be allowed to continue.

You don't need to provide an official complaint to the police but they will most probably arrest and interview him - this is scary and probably off-putting for your DD but it sometimes really is the only way to give him the shock he needs to realise his behaviour is unacceptable.

Best of luck OP. So glad your DD has told you about this and she your support for this.

Your daughter sounds like a smart girl, she knows now it would not be safe to meet with him in person. I'd call 101, and tell them you'd like to log this, better safe than sorry. Both of you block him and hopefully that will be an end to it. If it's not, report every single incident to the police and make sure your daughter keeps her wits about her when out and about. Encourage her to stay strong and not relent to this sort of manipulative behaviour. These are huge red flags for an 18 year old man.

Well, they might be. Then again, they might not be. Then you're just adding more potential victims of his rage into the mix.

He's 18 and unpredictable, the sensible response is to involve the police at the earliest opportunity.

You have an actual police officer on this thread saying contact the police.

I worked for a hot minute for the police and this is something that would come in every day - it's not dismissed as "nothing", it will be logged, you'll get a reference number in case of further messages or face-to-face contact when the boy returns tomorrow. It's been a year long relationship so I doubt he's going to accept the girls decision to finish easily.

Don't contact the parents as that might inflame things, it's harassment and it's a police matter.

Don't have a too and fro through messages with the boy - if it's been made clear DO NOT CONTACT ME from both you and your daughter - any additional messages are a conversation ... block if you feel better about that, or allow further messages should you want to show the police should the messages escalate. Make this clear to your daughter too. This is a good time to have a frank conversation with her about online safety too -

You can go to your local police station and file a report, but 101 or the online forms also work - going into the station doesn't mean it gets dealt with faster.

As others have said, you're taking steps to protect the next girlfriend. People change addresses, even names, but not so often phone numbers and in logging this harassment his phone number is then on record should he try anything else with anyone else.

To use a total MN classic, "log it with 101". And in this case, it's actually appropriate.

Report to the police to get a marker down against him, you never know how he may escalate it.

if you think that men don’t behave this way towards other men, you are seriously mistaken. I spent several years in Probation and it’s rife.

I would make sure to keep evidence of everything first and foremost

Next I would be going round to the parents and telling them exactly what's happening.

I would then tell them it will be reported and kept on record for the police and if he contacts either of you again it will be escalated.

Not ok

Yes of course it is true that men who do this kind of behaviour only do it to women. It does not matter about "agency".

Report this man, who is a massive coward. Men like this prefer a weaker target,

Your daughter has had a lucky escape.

Your own story aside , that’s just not true and is a huge generalization. Introducing a man could actually up the ante and exacerbate behaviors.

100%
His behaviour is not normal. You and your daughter need to be vigilant for any escalation.
I would report this just to get it on record.
Your dd should make sure she isn’t alone where he might be a nuisance.

People are so entitled.

She's had a lucky escape.

If he keeps it up report him for harassment. Malicious communication is a crime.

So your solution to male violence is preemptive male violence?

I know it’s awful but there is a positive from this- he’s manipulative and controlling and your daughter has seen the worst of him and is disgusted. That’s good. So many men like this play the long game and reel it in just enough to have a woman get back with them, and then their behaviour slowly escalates.

If it doesn't stop, don't mess about, put a print out / screenshot of the messages, call log etc, including the above one from you, and report for harassment. You might find there's a dedicated reporting option for domestic abuse - check your police's website. Nobody should be subject to his, make it very clear to him that this isn't OK.

That is really horrible OP, I hope your dd is ok. Don't think twice about reporting it to the police, that is not ok for your dd or you to go through. I bet he wouldn't have messaged you if you weren't a lone parent.

She needs to "do not disturb" his calls and messages so they stop bothering her. It's better than outright blocking as he's likely to escalate to using a bunch of different numbers if he thinks she's blocked him.

I'd put down a firm, clear marker now as a minimum that his is unacceptable. "Dear Little Shit <insert actual name>, your messages are unacceptable, both to me and to DD. Your repeated phone calls last night were unwanted and unwelcome. Neither of us wishes to have contact from you, and I want to make it clear to you that this must stop."

What the hell are you on about? I know this is the case because I've been in the situation before and believe me having a man there completely changed how the twat acted. It's not about removing female agency. It's knowing that abusive twats aren't so big and hard when another man is there

It is truly a sad reflection of the times we live in. A few years ago, I received a very nasty message from my daughter's abusive ex-boyfriend. I blocked him on all platforms and chose to ignore him. Instead, I focused on helping my daughter recover from that awful experience. She is now with a lovely chap, and her ex is referred to as "The Weasel"—a term a bit unfair to actual weasels, but it suits him perfectly!

That is total BS. Stop removing female agency.

This!!
We've had to do the same recently with a family member and had a call back from the domestic abuse team. They said to log everything to build up a case against him if we needed to.

Sadly this type of thing can be quite common i remember my dad being repeatedly called and tild all sors of disgudting sexurla lies about me by a dusgruntled boy i had a short relationship with in my teens. I would nip it in the bud and inform police, then let him know you have done that and block his numbers.

I would normally say parents should stay out of their children's relationships, but this is different. As he brought you into it, I think it is reasonable that you/ your daughter now bring his parents into it. Just a factual account of the number and nature of all the phone calls, messages. Tell them if their son doesn't stop immediately, you will be reporting the harassment to the police. And follow through.
Are they at school/ college? If so, then alert the safeguarding lead there too.

Because twats like that who are happy to scare women are completely different with men. It's not difficult to figure out