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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this put you off

95 replies

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:08

Seeing someone new for a month. Known him for about 4 years prior. Usually seemed like a calm funny decent gentleman type man.

He stayed over last night, not for the first time. Think it must of been the 4th or 5th.

I noticed since he stayed over he snores. Fair enough, was kinda annoying but I coped. It wasn't too loud.

Last night it was something else. Really loud. It kept me awake. I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep because of it.

He leaves for work early so got up at 0445. He usually would wake me, hug me, kiss me, but instead just got up and got dressed and went to leave. My front door is one of them doors you need to lock from the inside or anyone can get in, which is why he usually wakes me, he went to leave and I was woken up, and told him he needed to of woken me because my front door needed to be locked. He said he was coming back to wake me, even though he had already gone to the front door and had everything. He then just opened the door and walked out, didn't kiss me bye or anything. I sensed something was wrong.

I called him when he got to his car asking if he was okay and I was met with aggressive shouting saying he's had "fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning" I was calm and said I was woken by snoring which is the reason but I apologise for tossing and turning. He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side" I was shocked at how aggressive he was down the phone. He then proceeded to say he's tired and that's why he's being aggressive. He wouldn't stop shouting and swearing at me down the phone.

He said he would call me on his lunch.

I'm shocked at how verbally aggressive he was down the phone. I need to stop seeing him don't I? He was literally shouting at me down the phone. It was like a light switch had been switched in his personality.

Fair enough I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep, we all have nights like that. And people can't help it if they snore. But my concern is how aggressive he got down the phone. If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

I almost feel like I'm walking on egg shells now.

OP posts:
mulberrybag · 30/01/2025 08:01

Just block him, then you don't ever have to know/worry/care about seeing his name pop up or how to respond etc. he's another crap specimen that doesn't deserve a second more of your time! Take the power back and block 🙏

oakleaffy · 30/01/2025 07:56

Snoring like a warthog is awful.
What a dick to speak to you like that as well, foul mouthed man.

Chuck him out. 🗑️ 🚮

healthybychristmas · 30/01/2025 07:49

I don't understand why you thought you could be in the wrong. He behaved so badly in so many ways. I'm not sure I would even message him, I would prefer not to have any contact with him at all and just block him but given his temper that might not be a good idea. I certainly wouldn't talk to him on the phone. Send him a message saying not to bother calling at lunchtime because you've ended the relationship.

Tilly915 · 30/01/2025 07:34

If he's showing you this on the 4th or 5th date, run. He's an abuser and your life with him will be hell. Well done for asking on here. I saw similar red flags in my ex, but I stated. Years later he was being forced by the courts to do a perpetrator programme and I have to send my child to him. Don't be me OP.

WoahThreeAces · 30/01/2025 07:33

At a month in I was already gonna say ditch him when it was just the snoring tbh
I am married to a snorer and it's awful. If I ever have to date anyone again, snoring is a deal breaker for sure.
Add in the swearing and aggression and there is literally zero reason to stay with him, OP.

Newname25 · 30/01/2025 07:30

Hatemyhair123 · 30/01/2025 06:51

Just text him now and tell him it's over. You don't need to wait for him to phone you.

This! He has major anger issues. And I'd be afraid he'd try and make you change your mind over the phone

AQuickDeathInTexas · 30/01/2025 07:23

Hope you're ok, it must have been a shocking experience for you.

People don't change, you won't change him, this is who he is.

Sceptical123 · 30/01/2025 07:17

TinyR3bel · 30/01/2025 06:20

Huge red flag. He has done you a favour showing you who he really is so early on in the relationship. Please just walk away from this now while it’s still early days.

I was in a similar situation and ignored the red flags. He SCREAMED at me down the phone once and I was shocked but didn’t call it a day when I should have. It escalated to screaming at me in the car, cutting me off from friends and family, telling me I couldn’t survive without him (despite him not having a job or car and relying on me financially) and then to pushing me down stairs, threatening to chuck me out his mother’s flat in the middle of the night and pitting his hands round my throat.

I really wish I’d ended it before he shouted at me the first time.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 07:16

He sounds ratty from being tired.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 30/01/2025 07:12

I was about to say that id not consider a long term relationship with a snorer, but after the way he spoke to you. I'd not bother talking to him at lunchtime, I'd drop him a text to tell him to fuck off and stay away from you, then block him. What a horrid man

nodramaplz · 30/01/2025 07:12

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:08

Seeing someone new for a month. Known him for about 4 years prior. Usually seemed like a calm funny decent gentleman type man.

He stayed over last night, not for the first time. Think it must of been the 4th or 5th.

I noticed since he stayed over he snores. Fair enough, was kinda annoying but I coped. It wasn't too loud.

Last night it was something else. Really loud. It kept me awake. I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep because of it.

He leaves for work early so got up at 0445. He usually would wake me, hug me, kiss me, but instead just got up and got dressed and went to leave. My front door is one of them doors you need to lock from the inside or anyone can get in, which is why he usually wakes me, he went to leave and I was woken up, and told him he needed to of woken me because my front door needed to be locked. He said he was coming back to wake me, even though he had already gone to the front door and had everything. He then just opened the door and walked out, didn't kiss me bye or anything. I sensed something was wrong.

I called him when he got to his car asking if he was okay and I was met with aggressive shouting saying he's had "fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning" I was calm and said I was woken by snoring which is the reason but I apologise for tossing and turning. He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side" I was shocked at how aggressive he was down the phone. He then proceeded to say he's tired and that's why he's being aggressive. He wouldn't stop shouting and swearing at me down the phone.

He said he would call me on his lunch.

I'm shocked at how verbally aggressive he was down the phone. I need to stop seeing him don't I? He was literally shouting at me down the phone. It was like a light switch had been switched in his personality.

Fair enough I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep, we all have nights like that. And people can't help it if they snore. But my concern is how aggressive he got down the phone. If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

I almost feel like I'm walking on egg shells now.

You can't have a child with him, there is zero sleep sometimes 🥺
Let him be someone else's problem!

Maybe if you finish it, this will teach him it's not ok.

Monty27 · 30/01/2025 07:09

No no no no no
Ltb already.

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 30/01/2025 07:08

Honestly, I was reading about the snoring and thought you would ask if you were being unreasonable to end things because of that - I would have heartily said, 'no!' based on years of ensuing a terrible, sleep-depriving snorer.

But then he gets the nark and leaves and is aggressive and swears!! Ha, no. Lucky escape for you!

SwerveCity · 30/01/2025 07:07

He was shouting and swearing at you down the phone? He’s a dick.

MabelMora · 30/01/2025 07:06

You don't need random strangers on the Internet to tell you to end it with someone!

Irvinesv · 30/01/2025 07:06

He’s shown his true colours early so make sure you see them

Passmetheaero · 30/01/2025 07:06

Definitely get rid of him today. Just do it by message - you don’t owe him anything. He sounds like a complete arsehole!

Powderblue1 · 30/01/2025 07:05

No that's a big red flag and shows you how he would react to future stressors in the relationship. I wouldn't continue things

Macrodatarefiner · 30/01/2025 07:04

Deeply unpleasant behaviour from him OP. I'm sorry if it was an otherwise promising relationship but I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that

TheChosenTwo · 30/01/2025 07:04

I think you’re making the right decision here. He got rather nasty didn’t he?

Igmum · 30/01/2025 07:03

Yes that's awful, definitely finish it. He's presumably been on best behaviour until now but this is what he does when there are problems/stress.

MillicentByst4nder · 30/01/2025 06:58

I genuinely though I was the one that was out of order but thank you for all your comments.
This is the most concerning sentence you've written. Perhaps look at doing The Freedom Programme, and take some time to be by yourself before starting another relationship.

modernshmodern · 30/01/2025 06:58

Definitely end it. There's no excuse for that behaviour and if you tolerate it now it will continue and potentially get worse. Draw a line and walk away.

Costcolover · 30/01/2025 06:57

I wouldn't even speak to him on the phone, I'd text him and tell him it's over and not to contact you again. He sounds dangerous

TinyR3bel · 30/01/2025 06:57

Good for you! It’s quite telling he couldn’t even keep his mask on for the first few months, they usually wait until they feel like they have you hooked in before it starts slipping. Suggest he gets tested for sleep apnea and bid him farewell 😂

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