What’s wrong with my husband?

I feel confused and anxious just reading about this, I can’t imagine how you must feel OP. He says he wants his life with you but at the same time the relationship is ‘not good’ . It’s very confusing. If the relationship was good you would be able to have a transparent conversation, perhaps with the help of a counsellor, and come to some sort of resolution. Instead he is closed up and defensive. It’s not a good relationship, and that’s not only about the sex.

You cannot fix a man who will not accept there is a problem, or does not want to “fix” the things about himself you find incompatible

Bottom line is, he isn’t willing to change. He’s demonstrated that all the time you’ve been together. He has been this way since the beginning. If you stay in this relationship you will continue to feel frustrated and rejected. Your self esteem will only get worse and you certainly won’t get any happier.

He isn’t willing to even talk about your feelings on the matter, let alone to attempt to mend things or be truly honest with you. Get out while you still have some dignity.

The lovebite - no stripper does that, he cheated on you - possibly with a man.

I don't think he has ED from watching porn.

I think he is either gay or having sex with someone else. Either way he is not being open with you. He is unwilling to discuss with you which says to me its something other than he just doesn't want sex, he gets defensive.

Bingo.

This.
Both need to be committed to resolving issues through therapy and staying together.

Some people stay in relationships because they are can’t be arsed to end it, it’s become a habit to them and they dislike change. You’re 28 years old and deserve happiness, do what’s right for you, he might be lazy and need someone else before moving on. Don’t put yourself through more of the same soul destroying rejection in this relationship, there is nothing wrong with you, it’s not you it’s him! Don’t wait for him to agree that you need to separate and just say it’s not working for you and leave before either of you meets someone else and it becomes messy.

What is this incessant desire for non-stop knobbing? Your pattern is that of a typical English upper class family in the 1920s - you are happy together, yet your sex drives don't match. Don't lose a good person (very difficult to find) and find fulfilment on the side, discreetly. Just make sure the first-born is your husband's. I am not being facetious, I am drawing on the vast and rich English literature of the 1920s. They seemed to be genuinely happy in those days.

You've only been together four years, and he's been like this since the beginning. Why on earth did you marry him? Did you think you'd change him? I would have ditched him as soon as I found out about the strip clubs and lap dances. The love bite and him preferring porn to having sex would have been further huge nails in the coffin.

If he's never been in to having sex with you from the start then you're not going to fix him. Either accept that this is your life now, or leave and find someone who is into intimacy and sex, only don't marry them until you find you're compatible in all areas, not just the bedroom. You're still young OP, don't waste your life being miserable.

I would take control of the situation and then the relationship. I would feel much worse if he ended it.

He's not being honest with you so you will never find out what's actually going on. My suspicion would be that he is gay particularly after the porn you found. However it's incredibly unlikely he's ever going to tell you so I wouldn't hang around for that.

You are so young. End it now before you're driven absolutely crazy by him.

You're 28?! Lady what are you doing. You've tried, it's not working he doesn't want it to work. Cut your losses and go have great sex free of this man.

I also wondered about the closeness of the relationship between him and the male friends he went away with. Is he also in his 20s? I'm still going with...he's gay. In which case, you will never be what he wants.

The bottom line is that he is not sexually attracted to you and he is unwilling to address that. If a sexless marriage is not what you want, there’s nowhere else to go from there except for out the door. You deserve better.

Do you have children together?

Fgs he's not gay, asexual etc

Most men like to be in control. Nasty ones will find out what pushes your buttons and use that to have power over you. He gets his sexual requirements net elsewhere but also gets off on keeping you on a string.

There is an obvious solution.

You’re only 28? I’m shocked at that as I assumed you were much older with all the issues you have. I think you are wasting your time with this man. It seems like you have tried to work out what the ‘problem’ is more than him and that in itself is causing more issues.

You could find a new man tomorrow who would love sex with you.

He is happy, he doesn’t need to end the relationship. He is getting what he needs, he doesn’t have a problem.

You are unhappy, you are not getting what you need, you have a problem. You need to end the relationship.

Stop blaming him. Do what you need to do.

I don't really understand why you're so keen to stay with a man who, to put it bluntly, has no interest in you, and also uses porn, goes to strip clubs and has clearly cheated on you. I would suggest you use this time of separation less to dwell on the issue of sex, and more to think clearly about what you actually want from a relationship. It doesn't sound to me like this is it, although I absolutely understand how hard it is to make that decision. Good luck to you.

You posted this exact OP before.

How close is his relationship with the friend he went away with ?

Sounds like he just doesn't fancy you that much tbh .

How long have you been together ? Have you changed physically?

Not that any of that is your fault but I doubt he is gay