To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

i would go, the lo is inobtrusive

@lolo9 go with your baby. I dont believe they wont let you in at least recovery room when he is awake.
my 3yr old had a surgery few months ago. he IS going to need you.

In my experience the only way they'll let you do it is if baby stays outside and you both swap

it Is different with a 1 month old new born I would be very very surprised if they turned you away and DH is an NHS surgeon so I feel like I get the general vibe of the NHS reasonably well. They don’t want you to bring the whole family and have 3 other primary aged kids running around going nuts but they aren’t unreasonable.

Let your DH go, even though I know it’s hard.

I'd go and take the baby

And bollocks does being anxious about something mean you can't parent your kid well through it. Utter nonsense.

But, OP, in this instance I would probably send toddler with dad and keep a small baby out of the mix.

Being a responsible adult doesn't always just mean "doing what you're told by authority figures." Being a responsible adult might mean being there for your child. OP clearly isn't just thinking of herself here. This reply isn't as smart as you think it is.

How long is the procedure? If it’s going to take hours and hours I would stay home as it’s not really fair on the baby to spend all day in a hospital cafe (presuming baby won’t be allowed on the ward as they’ve said no siblings.)

If your anxious your toddler will pickup on this so probably be better with DH

This is about you managing your anxiety rather than what’s best for your toddler. Your DS needs calm and rest after surgery, not both parents fussing round him with a newborn. Is a short, minor, procedure and unless his dad is a complete idiot your child will be absolutely fine with him.

This. No need whatsoever to take baby.

It probably doesn't matter if you all go but I think it would be best if your husband goes on his own. I know you will be worried but it's silly to think your husband couldn't manage. The fewer people hanging around the hospital the better.

Just show up OP. The letter says lack of space- a newborn doesn’t take up space if you bring a carrier. What’s the worst that can happen? You get sent away and your husband stays with toddler? Then you go to a nearby cafe and wait.

A lot of frothing about adhering to the rules on this thread as usual. Some even suggesting you take up NhS time to phone and ask. Get a grip.

I understand the desire to be there, but please just let his Dad take him. You won't be able to be there fully for your toddler with a baby in tow and they may not let you be with him till he is asleep if you do take the baby. Is his Dad competent? Then show your DH you trust him to parent and let him take your toddler.

I once had to let my DH take my preschooler to A and E while I stayed home with a breastfed baby. I know it's hard but sometimes, you do what you have to do.

You can't stay with them during the procedure anyway, surely? It's just while they go in. Then you would be back when they are waking up. I'd ring and ask if it is a problem.

All of you go and bring the baby in the carrier.

Let your husband handle this one OP. You've got 2 children now, your son has 2 parents and this is the new normal. Unless your husband is the sort who's never done a bedtime or changed a nappy, your toddler will be absolutely fine and will be better off with one parent's undivided attention than 2 parents juggling changing, feeding, soothing and napping of a newborn. It is very normal and natural for toddlers to spend a bit more time with their dad once a new baby arrives. Trust your husband.

I can't imagine they'd turn you away, no

I understand how you feel but I think it might be better just to let Dad handle it, rather than expose baby to germs.

I was in the exact position as you, desperately wanted to be with my toddler (felt very natural I wouldn't be there) Ultimately he was absolutely fine with his dad and it would have been unfair on my newborn and the other children on the ward if we had all turned up x

My DS had a general last year and I wouldn't have been able to support him while there was a baby or another child in the mix. I had to hold him while he got his cannula in the anaesthetic room and then be there while he was put to sleep then leave instantly. I'm not sure it would he appropriate to have a baby in that setting/down in theatre. I then waited about for a bit then was taken back down to collect him from recovery and he was quite teary and needing a lot of reassurance then. Again I wouldn't have wanted to have anything else to deal with but him at that point. Once we were back up in his room (he had his own but that wasn't NHS, wouldn't imagine it would be single rooms day case post op) it would have been OK but there were quite a few kids a bit teary and distressed post op. I can totally understand you wanting to be on site, I think I would be the same but I think I would expect to have one parent doing the actual recovery with eldest because it was quite a hands on process and there would definitely be some parts that weren't appropriate with a baby.

This.

Why undermine his father?

This is a really unhelpful post. The OP thinks her older child will want her (or she wants to be with them) rather than it strictly being a need.

The children's pre-op area is a no food or drink area for everyone in there - so not somewhere to take a bottle fed baby unless it's them having the operation. So I actually thought that being breastfed made it easier to potentially take baby as OP wouldn't be taking any food or drink in with her. Although OP would need to be careful that she was ok to breastfeed while not being able to eat/drink.

Good luck OP! I hope everything goes well for you 🙏