To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

I’d ignore all the posters who are being unsympathetic & behaving as though they know exactly what your toddler can cope with. I can’t imagine the hospital will count a baby in arms as a “sibling” they don’t have room for in this case. I’d go with your partner and hope for the best. I hope it all goes well.

Your dh can be there. He is the child’s father and able to care for his child. You need to look after your newborn. Your newborn needs you more than your toddler, who will have his caring dad with him, needs you.

Your child needs a loving sensible parent. This is their first time in this situation. I recall a hospital trip aged about 4 with my dad. My dad was great but useless. However I found the whole thing really exciting since I got rewarded by a BOX (unheard of) of smarties. Basically, as mums we might not have enough distance or insight on what our kids end up feeling or needing. I think let your husband go. Ensure he’s super calm and confident and loving with her. You need to be with the baby. Your daughter knows you love her. You’ll be there on her return. Maybe with an unexpected something special (lots of extra hugs and stories, if not a box of smarties!). Good luck op.

YABU - just let your husband take the toddler as per the original plan!

To be fair, in a medical day surgery unit the children are more likely than average to be free of colds and bugs as they don't like to give general anaesthetic to ill children.

I think you'd be fine w a baby in a carrier OP, it's lots of small children running round they're trying to avoid.

Could you both go to the hospital but one of you stay downstairs in the cafe with the baby while the other is with your toddler? You could by there when she goes to sleep and wakes up but your DH could check her in and be close at hand during the procedure.

I would all go, but have DH wait in the cafe / hallway with baby, so that I can be with the baby if needed, but I’m also there with my toddler.

Sorry, must have said it wrong, meant - pump the milk, dad will bottle-feed (baby will bottlefeed if hungry), go with the toddler for his procedure.

To be honest you should trust your DH to handle this. You don't need to be there for your toddler and it sounds like you want to be there more for your own peace of mind. That's your anxiety talking. They will be fine without you, children have procedures every day with one parent present.

I would be more worried about taking a tiny baby who hasn't had their vaccinations into a hospital, especially when there are so many nasty viruses around. Stay home and get DH to phone or FaceTime as soon as it's over.

This.

I wouldn't take a baby to any part of a hospital unless they were the patient.

Emotions will be running so high for you and I understand why you’d want to be there but it’s probably best that you’re not. It’s going to be better for some undivided attention for the toddler and I’d be worried about infection risk with a newborn that young.

The children’s wards will be full of rsv and other nasty viruses that you don’t want a newborn getting. It was bad enough when one of mine got bronchiolitis at 11m and then had a secondary lung infection. The ward was full of babies being suctioned, getting oxygen etc. I was broken as she didn’t sleep for a month, threw up multiple times a day for ages and then came down with another infection. The same at 1 month would have been horrific and very dangerous.

@hwi dad will be with them, won’t be in their own

No, you should go and be with your little one, don't leave him on his own. Your baby will take the bottle if hungry enough.

We’ve had a lot of hospital surgeries and stays and in my experience a baby will be fine. My DD had several procedures and we often had her twin with us and was never problem. However, I’d be really wary of taking a newborn to hospital at the moment, winter bugs are high at the moment! It’s really horrible leaving them to surgery and waiting around, I’ve sat at home before whilst DD has gone and it’s awful. But she was fine with her Dad, it was worse for me than her. Just let Dad go, it will be ok.

Stay home with the baby. Your toddler will be fine. It's mostly waiting around anyway.

Yea pls don't postpone at this late notice it's really irritating as we can't slot fill at under 2d notice

Your toddler needs a parent.

I'd stay at home with the new baby due to infection risk. There's a lot of it about at the moment and people on paediatric wards will be exposed to illnesses more harmful to young babies than older children and adults. (Bronchiolitis leading to mastitis was not fun at 7m and would have killed off beast feeding in the early days).

Mums do not have to do everything.
DH is no less of a parent because I took DS2 to A&E where he ended up with emergency surgery. I'm no less of a parent because after discharge, I got DH up to speed on DS2's needs and picked up my original plans leaving DS2 in the loving care of his father. DH was needed at home at surgery time/ over night for DS1.

If DH wasn't avaliable, it would be a different matter, but there is a parent avaliable to meet DC1's needs without adding in potential comolications of baby's needs and health.

In your position I would stay home with the baby and let dad deal with the hospital. It's better for him to have one parent who is totally focused on him there rather than two trying to divide their attention and deal with a crying/feeding/needing changed baby as well.

I don't think the staff would object to you taking the baby as it's more extended family and older children running around that causes issues, but if you have the option to keep the baby at home it might be calmer and less stressful for your toddler.

Only 1 parent in recovery and no baby. Paeds leave recovery v quickly tho

While you are absolutely right that parenting is of course easier to have someone else beside you to pick up the slack, this isn't the issue. OP wants to be there for both of her children and it sounds like both of them need her and she should take the baby with her

I was in this exact position. Husband took toddler and I stayed home with baby. Hope all goes ok xx

Our hospital is full of norovirus. I would trust the dad to parent his son and keep the baby away.

Having been through this a few times when my son was receiving laser treatments on a facial birthmark, I’d say leave your husband to go with your son. The anaesthetist and whole team are just brilliant with kids, blowing bubbles to distract them, and put on a small mask where they got him to count to ten and he was out really quickly. A bit confused on waking up, but totally fine.

Then it’s total focus from one parent on the child undergoing the procedure, with the benefit of not exposing the baby to the hospital full of sick people.

Why should it be when dad can go on his own? What a waste of a slot.

i think that would be worse for the toddler